[adoptmom_02]

What are the signs you have experienced with your failed adoption?

[kelceesmom]

Before we brought our daughter home we had brought twin girls into our life for a week. All through that week we had a funny feeling. For us it was how they came to us, the numerous phone calls and you could tell at times she was drinking, when the SW work went to speak with her and sign TPR she called immediately to say her feelings were she was not going to place. I don't think there are rules to the signs you will see or here. Everyone is different and if it were someone else with our signs she still could have placed.

[adoptmom_02]

women start avoiding you the agency,attorney phone calls email , letters

[ChristieS]

Originally Posted by adoptmom_02

What are the signs you have experienced with your failed adoption?

I wish it were simple. Unfortunately, adoptmom_02, there are sometimes many signs and sometimes none. It sounds like you may be struggling to avoid going through this and I wish I could help you.

I will tell you what would have saved me, and what I recommend:

1) Hire the best adoption attorney in your state.

2) Make certain you have signed, valid, adoption consents from both birthparents prior to leaving the hospital with your child.
*I had custody&control papers and my lawyer told me that was normal. He lied. Do not believe everything a lawyer tells you.

3) Understand that the adoption laws and codes may say anything - but they mean nothing. The laws here are very clear and very fair. They have also not been followed and judges ultimately can do anything they want.

4) Very few, if any, adoptions are fail-proof. You must be very strong and understand that in order to adopt a child you will likely have to take this risk. Adoption is not easy; contested and disrupted adoptions are even harder. But they do happen and you must accept that it is a possibility.

I wish you the very best. Please keep us posted.

Christie

[BrandyHagz]

Make certain you have signed, valid, adoption consents from both birthparents prior to leaving the hospital with your child.

This isn't always an option, as some states have laws that don't allow the signing of termination papers until months later. Please, educate yourself on the laws of the state where the baby is born, so you know exactly what to expect!

Adoptions can absolutely be fail-proof - research and know the law, talk to others, make sure the rights of EVERYONE involved are being represented, by their own attorney and keep the lines of communication open.

There is risk in everything you do - Adoption is no exception, but educating yourself and knowing the process greatly reduces the risk

Good luck!

[ChristieS]

Brandy is right. I should not have put it the way I did. Yes, states may vary widely in their codes. She is also right that in educating yourself you can reduce the risk.

Also, I apologize if I sounded harsh at all. Many (maybe most?) adoptions go very smoothly. Please understand those of us on this board are the exceptions, I believe.

Brandy was also right about making sure the rights of EVERYONE are protected. This includes birthfathers, etc. Adoptions should protect the rights of birthfamilies as well as adoptive families, and of course the child.

Wishing you all the best in your journey.

C.

[gigigeorge]

for ours absolutely no signs. We were very close to our birthmom as we adopted her previous son. We talk on the phone, email, visit etc. She called us from the abortion clinic to say if we wouldn't adopt the new baby she was going inside, we were already planning on adopting another and to have a bio sibling we were thrilled. I traveled over an 8 hour drive once a month to go to dr's appts, where she told them I had to be involved because I was the parent. She even came to visit us and helped me put together the nursery, pick things out for him etc. We were in the delivery room, she notified the hospital of the pending adoption, we brought him home from the hospital and all seemed to be on track.

3 days after we had him with us and the morning she was to sign the TPR she called to say she wanted him back, despite ongoing phone calls those 3 days that she was so positive about her decision.

So a failed adoption can have all the red flags in the book and it can have absolutely none.

g.

[sadiegirl]

I have to agree with Christie (and Gigi). Sometimes there are a TON of red flags-no contact, etc. BUT sometimes the BP's lose contact right before birth b/c they are grieving but they place.

I know I did read once in the CIG to Adoption of signs that Bmom may parent but even those signs aren't foolproof.

I know AP's who had every red flag in the book and bmom placed and I know AP's who had NO red flags and bmom parented.

You just have to hold on and expect a bumpy ride.

[BrandyHagz]

Its true - I've read a number of red flags on the forums in the last seven years or so - many of which applied to my situation - and I placed.

There is really no 'crystal ball' - just guard your heart go into every situation with the possiblity that it may or may not work. In the end, your child will find you!

[sadiegirl]

Adoptmom,

I feel compelled to answer again.

I think maybe you're looking for reassurance about your own situation (I noticed in your siggy that the baby is due Xmas day!). Like Brandy said, there is no crystal ball and no one "right" way.

What you're looking for is like asking, "what kind of aparents do bmoms like?" or "what kind of bmom places/doesn't change her mind?"

There is just no right answer, I'm sorry. You mentioned there seemed to be a bunch of failed adoptopns lately. I guess it's all where you're "at" b/c I haven't really noticed that many but I'm not in that "place" either. FWIW, it seemed as though, there were failed adoptions all around us when we were waiting too; we actually had a failed match! But DS came along a mere 3 mos later.

I am hoping that you are away from the forums b/c you are holding your baby! Keep in touch!

[adoptmom_02]

I was right on the money our matched turned into a failed placement. When she stopped answering the phone and tried to avoid us.

[kakuehl]

I am sorry.

[kelceesmom]

I am so sorry for your loss. Take the time you need to grieve. No words will make you feel better but just know you are in our prayers.

[ChristieS]

Originally Posted by adoptmom_02

I was right on the money our matched turned into a failed placement. When she stopped answering the phone and tried to avoid us.

Oh - adoptmom_02 I am so very sorry. I'm saying a prayer for you tonight.

[Jaefer]

I am sorry for what you are going through. I will pray for your family.

God Bless!