[SadMomma]

Oh my goodness my heart is aching so bad and I have no where to turn. After 4 months and 5 days our adoption has failed and we had to return our child back to the **. How hard that was for us and we are so scared the stress it will but on our child. He just cried and cried because he did not know what was going on. If you have been through this before where the ** changed her mind, did you have to sign any paperwork to give your baby back. We didn't. Did your agency ever file anything with the courts? Ours didn't. PLease help us.

[Jaefer]

Sadmomma -

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I cannot imagine the anguish that can come with the reality that you will have to give your child back. We are currently waiting to finalize our contested adoption and I have been a wreck with just the possibility of giving up our son. Who contested or changed their minds? The **, BF or both? I am sorry that I do not have any advice or answers, just know that you and your family are in my prayers. God bless you and your son!

Jaefer

[sadiegirl]

How could they come back after 4 months and 5 days? Aren't most legal risks about 30 days or so? (Someone correct me as I really don't know). I've just never heard of a legal risk for that long...

[kelceesmom]

I am so sorry for what is happening. I too have not heard of this happening unless TPR has not been signed. Our prayers are going out to you at this time.

Take care,

[SadMomma]

The ** changed her mind. See we thought she had 28 days to come back according to MI law. But the agency is saying she never terminated her rights. She had a BF down on the birth certficate and he also signed to place the child in Temp FC. But she came back 3 months later saying the BF was a dead guy. They had no proof but went searching. But we never could understand why the agency didn't go with recorded documents that the BF was the guy on the birth certificate and that was at the hospital. ALso PAP when they child is in pre-adopt foster care with you, do you get paid as you were a foster care parent?

[ContactChar]

Sadmomma, I am so sorry for your loss. I have tears in my eyes just reading your post. I also lost my daughter in a failed adoption. I didn't have her nearly as long as you (only a few days), but the loss was devastating in a way I could never describe. To my knowledge, my agency did not file anything with the courts, and I did not have to sign any paperwork. In my case, the revocation period had not ended, so there was really no argument I could make.

Please take care. PM me if you need to talk to someone who has been through a similar loss.

Char

[SadMomma]

WE have been told the ** has 3 months to come back from the agency, then when we read the MI DHS law it says if a mother gives up her child she has 28 days to petition the court to regain custody. Well we went beyond 28 days and beyond 3 months. When we asked the agency if they filed any paperwork they said no because they were trying to find the BF. We asked why couldn't they use the guy on the BC, they said because the ** has named another person. But that shouldn't had mattered and I felt they could have Termintated her rights. We were ok with her being in the child's life if she wanted to, so it is not a matter that we are even upset with the **. I actually feel for her and want to help her raise this baby, and have dedicated my life to being there for her. My grief is with the agency because i feel so some extent us and the mother was done wrong.

[ContactChar]

That is outrageous! At a minimum, they should have told you that they had not filed the papers because a question about the bfather. This type of thing should never have been allowed to happen. Incompetence like this only creates added grief for you, bmom and your child. I am horrified that they could get away with this.

[SadMomma]

Do you think this is something we can fight with the agency even though we gave the baby back? I rather had gave all the money we gave them into helping the mother and assisting in education or something. They basically done nothing.

[PWRWAGN]

Originally Posted by SadMomma

Do you think this is something we can fight with the agency even though we gave the baby back? I rather had gave all the money we gave them into helping the mother and assisting in education or something. They basically done nothing.

So sorry to hear about this failed adoption. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you after having this child for over four months.

A Birthmother has selected us and is due in a few weeks. After reading about several failed adoptions we understand that there are no guarantees unfortunately. This being our first try at it - it is hard not to be really excited. We will keep you, this little boy and the birth mother in our prayers.

[Scarlett_A.]

Ummmm, just in case y'all are wondering why you have asteriks in your sentece, it's because you have used the common medical abbreviation for "bowel movement". Perhaps consider using some more respectful language like "first mom", "natural mom", or if you must: "birth mother" or "birth mom". That abbreviation you have used is incredibly offensive to some.

[SadMomma]

I think we all know we are using B and M for (birth mother, natural mother, first mother, etc) however u want to call it. I would never say a bad thing about my son's natural mother please know that.

[Linny]

Sadmomma:
I'm so sorry you have had to go through all of this. Years ago, we had two foster children that were supposed to have been adoptable--according to the 'system workers'. They weren't (at least at that time) and we lost them after having them for almost one year. It's horrible, I know.

I fear that you are the victims of a terrible agency who did not do their procedures correctly at all. I don't see how you can do anything about it, except perhaps contact your appropriate state office to file a complaint. This kind of thing gives adoption a poor name altogether, and is NOT the way things are supposed to be handled.
The agency should have alerted you to everything as it was done; while at the same time, making sure you realized TPR's were not completed, nor was the birthfather procedure done lawfully. (From what you have written, this agency really shouldn't be doing adoptions at all!)
If you can do nothing at all.....make sure that others are aware of this agency's poor practices. It may save another family from having to go through the same situation.....
Take care and give yourself time to grieve..... ((HUG))

Sincerely,

Linny

[pwheatle]

Scarlett your message of education would be far better received if it was presented in a kinder light especially in a thread that is filled with raw emotion.

[ChristieS]

SadMomma,

I'm so sorry for you I don't even know what to say. It does sound as though the placement agency failed grievously and needs to be handled accordingly. That said, you also have to grieve and move on with your life and that alone takes so much energy - that is one reason I believe agencies are not held as accountable as they need to be. It is so hard to grieve and move on - and it takes even more energy to fight the agency.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

((BIG HUGS))