[ChristieS]

Originally Posted by SadMomma

Thank you so much for your prayers. We just got a call about a baby girl available. We are not sure we want to go through this again.
I worry how can we love another child with some much love and compassion as we did our little boy. We dont want to do a child an unjustice, oh we just don't know what to do.
What do we

SadMomma,

You have an incredible heart filled with love and compassion. Remember that your son which you had for four months received unconditional love and support which he needed at that time. That four months set a basis for him that will stay with him.

Yes, you CAN love another child with just as much love and compassion - as mothers we have an unending supply of love to give.

If I could go back I would definitely do some things differently - as I learned so much in the adoption process. Maybe your experience with your son can help you know better how to legally handle your next adoption.

Will you be afraid and reserved some? Most likely. But moms are moms and we have that deep desire to raise and love a child unconditionally. I think that is why we don't give up. We can't. We are MOMS who don't have a child and that leaves a big hole in our hearts.

I hope you will be cautious but positive and keep on trying. This baby girl sounds like she is in desperate need of just what you can and will provide. Please don't give up. It may or may not work out - but if you don't try you may also live with the regret of "what if".

If you really do need some time just to grieve and have not been able to process that grief enough to try adopting again then I think most of us understand that. If so, give yourself some more time before trying again.

If you think you can move on then this may be the time and place for you to give your love and fill your heart with this little girl.

Lots of ((HUGS)) for you.

[SadMomma]

Well today is the day our lawyer goes and talk to the agency to see if everything was on the up and up. If anything from what i read here and learned I should have signed papers stating my son was in my custody. I should not have been able to hand him over and not been asked to sign a thing.

[Jaefer]

SadMomma -

I said a prayer for you today. I think that you are so strong and I agree with everyone else in that you should go forward with the baby girl. I know that you must be reserved and nervous about what might happen but if you go foward you will never have to wonder "what if".
My husband and I were blessed with our first son when he was 5 months old. The mother chose to put him up for adoption and there really was no struggle, it happened so easily. So, when we decided to adopt again, we did not know how hard it would be. We started in June of 05 and got a call in Nov. stating that a birth mom picked us (she was only 3 weeks along). The birthmother used all of our money to buy drugs and kept asking for more money, that we did not have. Needless to say, the adoption fell through. Then, a month later we were picked again. This route seemed much better but then the mom started avoiding the doctor and soon we found that she was using drugs as well. We were so close (only 2 weeks until birth) and it fell through again! That same day, my lawyer called me and informed me that there was a baby boy born the day before in CA that needed to be taken home from the hospital. We flew to CA the next day and took him home at two days old!
Now, we are currently struggling with the birthfather on this adoption but I truly believe that God intended for us to have this baby. After the second adoption fell through I was ready to throw in the towel but God opened the door for us to become parents again and I am so grateful! I just have to believe that he has a plan for our baby and for us as his parents. That is what gets me through.
So, just believe - you are meant to be a MOM and God will give you a baby.

[SadMomma]

We spoke to the mother of the 16 year old today. She was very nice and supportive of her daughter. She said she will contact the father herself and his parents about offering their consent since he is 15. We hope this adoption can be done via our lawyer only. She is with Bethany Christian and we were working with Catholic SS. So we would not want to start another process all over again and pay more money. Has anyone only used a lawyer in adoptions?

[ChristieS]

Unfortunately, yes. I don't know what to say except that my lawyer TOTALLY screwed up and so we are STILL in the courts afters 4 1/2 years.

Get the BEST adoption attorney in your state if you go this route. It would have saved us tens of thousands of dollars and years of heartache (still ongoing).

I am praying for you and sending you ((HUGS)).

[SadMomma]

How did the lawyer screw up? What signs should I look out for? If yout child legally yours?

[ChristieS]

Originally Posted by SadMomma

How did the lawyer screw up? What signs should I look out for? If yout child legally yours?

The first thing I would change is I would never leave the hospital with my child without a signed, valid, adoption consent from BOTH birthparents.

The second thing I would do is push for finalization the FIRST possible day (30 days in some states).

The third thing I would do is NEVER sign any sort of an open adoption "Agreement" which allows for the birthparent to come back and legally file against us over and over - keeping our adoption in jeopardy and us in and out of court for 4 1/2 years.

Also, I have become quite wary of lawyers and don't believe everything they tell me - I check it out for myself.

Lastly, I am also wary of the codes and "laws" which appear to be interpreted broadly and by the discretion of the judge as opposed to the wording of the law.

Feel free to P.M. me any time. States vary quite a bit and lawyers and judges vary quite a bit.

Best, best, best wishes to you!!!!!!!!!!!!

/

[SadMomma]

I am happy to post the bmom is letting her son/our son with us this weekend. We pick him up tomorrow! Everyone is just so excited to see him and I am happy she is letting us stay in his life.

[pwheatle]

What is happening with the baby girl? Is the bmom to your son wanting to return him to you or she is leaving him overnight with you?
Tricia

[ermiller]

I'm wondering too I hope whatever the situation may be , it works out well for all of you!

Erin

[ContactChar]

SadMomma-

I am very happy for you that you will be able to keep a connection with your ds. Snugglebunny's mom has also reached out to me, and I truly believe that it and therapy are the only things that have kept me sane (to the extent that I am! ). I want to caution you, however, that the road ahead of you will be extremely difficult. I didn't understand it until I first met with Snugglebunny and her mom post-revocation, but you're in for a whole new category of pain. Prepare yourself for a weekend that will be far more difficult and wonderful than you imagined.

Maintaining a relationship is not at all an easy road. . . but I am eternally grateful to have the chance to take that road, and you may be too.

Good luck!

Char

[SadMomma]

He is just staying the weekend. I have had a lot people say just move on. Which is hard being a parent to just drop my son out of my life like a bad habit. But I also don't want to be used, which so far the birthmother has not done. She only ask me about parenting stuff (creams to use, milk, etc) which I am every greatful for. I hope in the future it could lead to a return, my DH and I just love him so much and we are ok with the birthmom being in his life. WE want her to succeed in life and be a great person for him to look up to. If I can even help her do that I will. I don't want my son or future adopted children to say why did my parents give me away, my parents are no good, poor, or have less. I want them to be able to be proud of their parents decision, know it was all because they loved him, and be able to see successful parents.

As for the baby girl we are awaiting word to see if the Bfather's parents will sign the consent or if they would want to adopt their grandchild. He is 15 and as of now his parents doesn't know he is having a baby. We want to make sure it is a free and clear situation before considering walking another long road.

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by SadMomma

WE have been told the ** has 3 months to come back from the agency, then when we read the MI DHS law it says if a mother gives up her child she has 28 days to petition the court to regain custody. Well we went beyond 28 days and beyond 3 months. When we asked the agency if they filed any paperwork they said no because they were trying to find the BF. We asked why couldn't they use the guy on the BC, they said because the ** has named another person. But that shouldn't had mattered and I felt they could have Termintated her rights. We were ok with her being in the child's life if she wanted to, so it is not a matter that we are even upset with the **. I actually feel for her and want to help her raise this baby, and have dedicated my life to being there for her. My grief is with the agency because i feel so some extent us and the mother was done wrong.

They really should make DNA of BF required so that this doesn't happen. Not take Bmom's word, just to be on the safe side.

I am two ways about the time limit... It certainly shouldn't be too short, but it can't be too long either..

HUgs for you...

[SadMomma]

I thought I would be writing you all about my wonderful weekend with my dson, but the bmom never let us pick him up. she ignored all our calls to give us the address to meet. We texted her cell also and nothing. So we just walked in the door sad once again. I don't know how much pain I can take with this adoption situation.

[ChristieS]

Oh SadMomma, I am so very sorry for you.

I'm praying for you.

C.