[dramamom]

Hi sadmom !! We did not have to sign any papers to give back our baby girl since birthmom had signed the consents but we mutually agreed to give her back if birthmom changed her mom.In your case if birthmom signed the relinquishments and gave up her rights ask the question are the consents she signed irrevocable ? have you had the baby for four months ? Whatever the situation I hope you have hired a attorney? I Think you really need to know what the law is in Michigan.Who is this agency and what have they said to you?

[SadMomma]

The agency basically had us acting as foster parents, but that was not our intent. We never got around to Terminating Rights because 1. the agency never filed papers with the court saying we even had the baby or was caring for him. 2. If we was foster parents, then why were paying them (red flag) 3. They kept trying to find the Birthmom and ended up sending info about her adoption to every last known address she had until it ended up in a family members hand what she had done. She thought she was finished at the hospital...but they had to find her because really they lied to us both. She thought her baby was with a nice adoptive family (which we were) and she was happy with that. We felt we were ADoptive Parents....all the paperwork we ever did with them, never went outside that office...no record in court, or nothing...so where all our money went, who knows. We did hire a lawyer and that is how we started to uncover a a lot of stuff.

Originally Posted by dramamom

Hi sadmom !! We did not have to sign any papers to give back our baby girl since birthmom had signed the consents but we mutually agreed to give her back if birthmom changed her mom.In your case if birthmom signed the relinquishments and gave up her rights ask the question are the consents she signed irrevocable ? have you had the baby for four months ? Whatever the situation I hope you have hired a attorney? I Think you really need to know what the law is in Michigan.Who is this agency and what have they said to you?

[hoping4achild09]

Hi Sadmomma, I have just found and read through your entire situation. Wow what a ride. I don't know that I would have been as strong as you have been. I myself have been through quite the ride on my adoption journey as well. Though not as long or drawn out as yours. DH and I started looking into adoption last Sept. when at age 25 I was diagnosed with near infertility (just near, if I pay thousands of dollars to go through multiple fertility treatments there's a 2% chance I could still have a bio child...enough said). So we started looking into adoption.

We were matched with this facilitator, who is actually pretty good. Their fees aren't sky-high, compared to others, and they do seem to really care about their clients. We were matched about 2 days after we started talking to them. This caught us totally by surprise. We knew it would be quick, but not THAT quick. We didn't even have a profile yet! Long story short, we talked with this expectant mom for 5 months. Found out she was having a boy (Yay!!) Decorated the nursery, picked out a name, went through this, went through that. The baby was about 10 days late, 3 days before she had him, the expectant mom sent us an email to tell us she had it out with her family, and they wanted her to keep the child, so she was giving him to her mother to raise.

People tell DH and I that we were wrong to grieve, that we should be happy he had never come home with us. That he was not our son. So on and so forth. We were not upset that she had changed her mind, but upset for the reason she had changed her mind. She told us she was giving him to her mom 'so she didnt' have to hear her mouth or deal with any of her other relatives anymore'. We were upset because it wasn't that she was sitting back and deciding what was best for the baby or best for her, but making a decision because she felt pressured to do it. I have been in contact with her once or twice since then. I wanted to reassure her that we held no ill-will towards her, and only wanted the baby to be happy and safe. But all else aside, I still feel like he was my son. I shopped for him, and thought about him, and talked to him like he was my own son. And when I couldn't bring him home, I was devastated.

But like you, we picked up and kept going. We've now been matched up with another e-mom that is due in about 8 weeks or so. She's having a girl, which we are excited about. But nothing will ever replace the spot in my heart that belongs to my son. He will be loved and missed his entire life, and probably never even know it....

[SadMomma]

Hi All,
Oh how I have missed you all so much. Shane is still doing well and is now 2, can you beleive it. As we still are on the journey of learning the Stage of 2, I still find some fear in trying this again. You all know I have been trying to overcome this for awhile. There is an adoption situtation we are aware of for 2 kids...but me and DH are not ready yet. We are praying for these kids to find a loving home. I keep asking how do you put the failed adoption fear behind you, when you have experienced it so many times. We want more children, but sometimes we keep saying we have one...lets not push it. Oh to get pass this feeling...

[SadMomma]

Hi All,
As the holidays approach I can't help but to think about you all...my dear dear friends and my own failed adoptions. It was this time 3 years ago that I thought I would be the mother of a baby girl, she was born on Thanksgiving. I drove to the midnight sale at Potterybarn and found the best pink crib set, only for the adoption to fail the next day. I was finally able to trust again after losing Baby Robby and was so close Oh how I dreaded Christmas coming around for I mourned every child that never came home to me.

I have to say it was my faith in God and you all that helped me through every step of the way. So if any of you have these same feelings I understand. I too regretted Halloween, Thanksgiving, the Christmas Program at church, or the Sunday the kids would have to sing...I imagined my child and how life was so unfair. But now I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, but the road to get there is just not as pretty as it looks on TV. But when it is all said and done, you find the right people, friends, and community of believers it works! You can't do it alone (remember that)!! Just know I am here for you and I'm an open book...I think you all know that by now I love you all. Lets lean on each other for this holiday season. As I end this letter in tears, for I too miss all my babies...I send to you a warm hug with love.

[committedsoul]

Thank you for those beautiful words...