[joskids]

Has anyone here considered whether it's possible to sue a birthparent who allowed custody to be taken and then, later, decides to contest when they had every opportunity to parent earlier? We've considered "Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress" and whether we need to do this as a civil suit. We are willing to take this as far as they want to take it. But we are not without $$$ limitations and feel that because they are continuing to fight this, we should have some recourse. In case anyone doesn't get this, we are no longer foster parents or babysitters, we are PARENTS. Thanks for letting me vent. And please do let me know if anyone here has looked into this possibility.

Josie

[ChristieS]

Hi joskids,

Having read some of your previous posts I can understand your need/desire to do this. I have considered and rejected this idea for myself - but I think it can be a good legal avenue in some cases. It may be difficult to find a lawyer to handle this - but it can also be done in small claims.

In my case the bmom has NOTHING - and is taking her legal actions against us financed by free lawyers from the State. But if a bparent is doing this sort of thing and paying a lawyer then they evidently have money.

You may also want to consider filing a motion for frivolous lawsuits - and/or filing with the state bar against her and her attorneys for frivolous lawsuits. I personally have not found the state bar association to be overly helpful as they are basically lawyers protecing lawyers - but it WILL at least get your case heard and filed on some level - as will filing for punitive damages and financial restitution.

I'm interested in hearing about this from others and please keep us posted.

Christie

P.S. I am soooooooo sorry you are having to go through all this.

[joskids]

I know you're sorry, Christie. We're in this together and I think about you often. I appreciate your support, believe me! I don't know how bfather is financing this. He has a job. Because he's had his phone shut off in the past for non-payment, I'd assume he's not wealthy. And let me just say for the record, that my DH is the kindest, most supportive and charming man in the world -- until someone messes with his FAMILY. So whatever support birthfather things he has, he's definitely met his match. I'm lucky to have worked for attorneys so I'm hoping to find someone who cares enough about the preservance of a family to do this for us. I just wondered if anyone here had seriously considered it. Hope someone out there has some news that will uplift us. Have a good weekend.

Josie

[ChristieS]

Originally Posted by joskids

he's definitely met his match.

I just wondered if anyone here had seriously considered it.

Good for you!!! YES! He has met his match - when we become Mommys we get that "Momma Bear" instinct and will do whatever it takes to protect our children. I am the same way. I'm willing to go ALL the way - supreme court - changing the laws - whatever it takes and I WILL NOT STOP until my son is safe and protected - and neither will you.

You asked if anyone had seriously considered it. Oh boy. I have seriously considered filing against/suing/whatever the birthmom, her lawyers, my lawyers, the judge, the legislators, the state treasury of Alabama for paying for her lawyers, the state bar - I have considered suing anyone and everyone who allows this to continue. I have looked at this from every angle imaginable. I have also already done quite a bit: filed in the state bar, been to the state capitol, been to the attorney general, the governor, the legislators, the treasury department, (passed out packets to them all detailing my case and proving it with court documents). I have written every major news program, Oprah, Dateline, etc. I have e-mailed and/or been in contact with the ACLU, the Dave Thomas Foundation, and so many others I can't even remember them.

Mad? Yes, I know about mad. Suing anyone? Yes, I have considered that. Frustrated? H*** yes.

I am intimately familiar with the fear, anger, and feeling of betrayal by the very laws which are supposed to protect citizens and especially the most vulnerable among us - our children.

One idea I have for you - and this may work for several of us: if/when you go to court I would be glad to go with you and testify as to the damaging effects this sort of behavior has on families and our children. (An "expert" witness?) I have at least been there and done that and if I can help then let me know. I'll fly wherever is needed and testify for you if I can. I'll write letters. I'll do anything I can to help - just let me know.

I wish for ALL of us some peace, and release from these nightmares.

[joskids]

Wow, Christie. I am awed by your commitment and support. I hope I have the stamina that you do. I'm not young and am already feeling the affects physically and emotionally. If I need you, I definitely will let you know. Because I've also been a foster parent, I've also seen the affects of children being moved around and detached. Because our daughter was 2 when adopted, I experienced the bonding with her on a different level than with our infants. It DOES impact them . . . forever. I have many close friends that are social workers who understand why we do what we do and respect us, along with our pediatrician, priest, many that support us. That support is what keeps us together right now. I cannot possibly express my thanks for your last post (in the middle of the night). Can't sleep?? Wonder why!!!!! I wake every morning and the first thought that pops in my head is that we are still not final with our beautiful girl and it is tearing us all apart. And it is needless. And it is allowed.

Your friend,
Josie

[joskids]

Wow, Christie. I am awed by your commitment and support. I hope I have the stamina that you do. I'm not young and am already feeling the affects physically and emotionally. If I need you, I definitely will let you know. Because I've also been a foster parent, I've also seen the affects of children being moved around and detached. Because our daughter was 2 when adopted, I experienced the bonding with her on a different level than with our infants. It DOES impact them . . . forever. I have many close friends that are social workers who understand why we do what we do and respect us, along with our pediatrician, priest, many that support us. That support is what keeps us together right now. I cannot possibly express my thanks for your last post (in the middle of the night). Can't sleep?? Wonder why!!!!! I wake every morning and the first thought that pops in my head is that we are still not final with our beautiful girl and it is tearing us all apart. And it is needless. And it is allowed.

Your friend,
Josie

[Jaefer]

Joskids -
I understand what you are going through. I wake up every morning as well and look at my little boy and wonder if he is going to be with us for the holidays and what not. Not many can understand the emotional rollercoaster that comes with adoption. I am praying for you and your little girl. If you need to vent please feel free to email me at any time. I know that it helps to just get your feelings out. I'm here and I understand!

God Bless!
Jaefer

[ChristieS]

Originally Posted by joskids

Wow, Christie. I am awed by your commitment and support. I hope I have the stamina that you do. I'm not young and am already feeling the affects physically and emotionally.

I cannot possibly express my thanks for your last post (in the middle of the night). Can't sleep?? Wonder why!!!!! I wake every morning and the first thought that pops in my head is that we are still not final with our beautiful girl and it is tearing us all apart. And it is needless. And it is allowed.

Your friend,
Josie

Hi Josie,

You are right that there are many nights I can not sleep. Yes, this nightmare is tearing us apart as well - and it is needless - and it is allowed. How sad. And infuriating.

As for stamina and age - I am 40 years old and definitely feeling the strain of four years of this. I think my strength comes from the absolute corruption which enrages me. THESE ARE BABIES! They are NOT to be tossed around and treated as used cars. They are not a pawn in a game. They are precious, pure children who need and deserve stable, loving homes - NOT turmoil created by failures in our system to protect them. And our families deserve peace so that we are best able to love and raise our children in a stable environment.

I know the pain, the fear, the anger, the sleepless nights, the worries. I feel it every day. I live it every day. And I FIGHT it every day. And I will fight it to the bitter end - and then I will fight for ALL of us going through this. Whatever I can do - I will do.

PM me anytime and know that there are many of us here on this board who do understand.

Blessings,
Christie

[joskids]

Thanks, ALL OF YOU, for supporting our family and each other. I believe that we find God (whoever our personal God is) through each other. There's far too much violence and hatred in our world. Those of us who share common values and goals for our children and the children of others, need to be strong . . . together. THANKS AGAIN!! My prayers are with all of you.

Josie