[mom2samuel]

Are there any statistics out there for open adoption success/failure? I've been cruising sites, but not really finding what I want. I'm interested in how many birthmothers do sign relinquishment as opposed to changing their minds. Also of interest is how many birthparents come back later, or how many cases get dragged on for years. I wish I had known more concrete numbers before we decided on this type of adoption. I'm not saying this system doesn't work, but I think dh and I deserved better info to make an informed decision before we signed with an agency and went this route. Sometimes I feel a little duped, which only adds to our frustration and hopelessness. Does anyone else feel this way?

mom2samuel

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

Our first birth father was basically told what the action plan was going to entail and he stood up, shook the CW's hand and told him that he was done. Bug was 3 days old. When he was 3 months old b-mom wrote me a note asking me to adopt him and dissappeared. We had to wait for TPR...he was 9 1/2 months old. We adopted him 25 days before his first birthday.

Bear's mother signed relinquishment when he was 6 months old. We had to wait for TPR on the alleged father which happened when he was 11 months old. We adopted him when he was 13 months old.

There are success stories thru foster care!

[ChristieS]

Originally Posted by mom2samuel

Are there any statistics out there for open adoption success/failure? Sometimes I feel a little duped, which only adds to our frustration and hopelessness. Does anyone else feel this way?
mom2samuel

I don't know of any stats, but would certainly be interested in them and will keep aware of this post to see if anyone knows.

You asked if anyone feels "duped" - yes, and many have been "duped". It is good to arm yourself with information, but you have to also remember that regardless of stats, each case is different and there are no guarantees. So don't let stats determine your decision.

If you decide to adopt you need to be aware that some adoptions come off without any problems, and others go through failed or contested adoptions prior to completion. It has been said on this forum many times that aparents need to have really tough skin and be willing to undergo failed and contested adoptions. If you are unable to go through that then you may need to reconsider adoption as an option. There is simply no way to tell on an individual basis.

Best of luck to you in your endeavors.

[SchmennaLeigh]

A mother considering placement doesn't "change her mind" before signing the TPR. She just simply does what has been done for milleniums and parents her child. After TPR, a decision to parent is then worded as a changing of one's mind.

Here's a link right here on the site that will help you in your research: http://statistics.adoption.com/infor...adoptions.html

[SchmennaLeigh]

Meant to post a few more links but hit the button too quickly:

http://statistics.adoption.com/infor...-children.html

And

http://statistics.adoption.com/infor...ssolution.html

[numbr1dbcksfan]

If the agency is non-profit guidestar might have their tax records -- which may have that sort of information.

But I second what Jenna said... a mom is simply a mom unless she relinquishes... and a mom parenting is also a success.

[randloar]

Not valid stats here, but you are asking a question that I think many people are interested in and I hope that more people have information to share on this! Based on calling many (25 or so) domestic agencies (big and small, local and not so local), the range in the percentage of successful placements (from timing of match all the way through to finalization) that was quoted to me ranging from about 50% to 95% (seriously!).

The typical number an agency gave me was ~75% successful placements (so, to us prospective adoptive parents, 1 in 4 of us will experience the heartbreak of a failed placement). And all of the agencies that quoted this percentage (or higher) really talked quite a bit about the counceling programs they have in place for the potential birth mom to make sure that as many aspects of what is happening is understood and thought through so that she can decide at the birth if she wants to parent or place and what is best for both herself and the child.

And just thinking out loud here, but as far as parents coming back later to take the kids away after the finalization......that just doesn't really make too much sense if all parental rights for both parents have been signed off, and the adoption is finalized, it seems that the frequency of this is actually pretty low. I found a stat on adoption.com that says "Very few adoptions are contested: less than .1% each year. (Groza and Rosenthal, 1998)". I think this is the same site that was referenced earlier!

So, the ones that seem to make the news seem to mostly involve one parent that never signed off on their rights, or need to prove that they were "talked into" signing off their rights (or were coerced in some way). I am not saying those are the only times there are battles, but they seem to make the news and headlines when this situation exists and it perpetuates the fear of this more than is reality.....just MHO (and I am very afraid of the heartbreak of the lost match, but this part doesn't seem as likely to happen in my mind somehow)..........

[ChristieS]

I don't know if the >1% is correct or not - all I know is I was one of those who said, "It can't happen to me. It can't happen in this case." But it did. So I would be wary of buying into stats of any sort, because there are no guarantees and it is too easy to say "Not me." That kind of thinking was wrong at least in my case - and my case seemed to be as cut and dried as they get.

It really all boils down to individual cases and no guarantees, regardless of the stats provided, and regardless of how "clear" the case seems.

[randloar]

Christie,

I am so sorry that this happened to you, and you make a good point about the stats and the fact that the low % reported doesn't mean a guarantee. I am glad you pointed that out, as that wasn't my intent to imply that a reversal could not occur at that point, just that the overall chances are less than losing a match.

Thanks for clarifying this, but I still do think that the stats do help to give a sense of the frequency (or chance) of these things for those that are trying to simply understand the process, but as you said well, are not guarantees of things to anticipate (our international adoption so far has hit every single bump along the way that we were not expecting, along with already losing two referrals and still not getting to travel after a very long wait, so we do understand the "exceptions" to every generality that people throw out there).

[mom2samuel]

First, thanks to those who replied. I had read the stats that one site had posted, too. I don't know as I agree with them. I think all stats can be 'skewed' to make them seem more appealing. We've already had two failed matches, and have been waiting almost two years. And as long as we have been waiting with our agency, there are 33 couples who have waited longer than us! There are various regrets for us now;things we wished we had known, but that can't be changed now. I do think that this can work, but do you ever think about what makes other couples get picked before you, etc? It's things like this that drives me crazy!! It is reassuring to think that the % of those who come back later and ask to reclaim is low, and I'm glad that I know more about these situations so I can HOPEFULLY avoid this. As someone pointed out before, we have to have thick skins to get through this, but that is where I think agencies, etc, have more responsibility to be honest about all aspects. We researched and thought we asked the right questions, but now I know there is so much more to it that no one pointed out to us.

Someone asked me a while back what I thought was easier, open domestic adoption, or international adoption. (our son is from Guatemala) I most ecstatically replied, "INTERNATIONAL"! Our adoption went so smoothly and quickly, we couldn't have asked for better. However, we do know of many who have had heartwrenching glitches. Unfortunately, it seems like a crap shoot. Anyway, good luck to us all. May God bless us with our dreams soon.

mom2samuel

[ChristieS]

Originally Posted by mom2samuel

I think all stats can be 'skewed' to make them seem more appealing.
mom2samuel

Having worked three years in (govt.) research I learned that this can all too well be true. We used to have a saying: "Give us the money and the time and we'll give you the results."

[lisan]

Our agency has quoted to us that 16% of the potential birthmoms (going through their agency), once matched, will decide to parent; based on their statistics from recent years. They've never had an adoption over-turned, once the child is placed.

I'm certain that this statistic will vary greatly by agency and/or private adoptions. Our agency doesn't even show profiles until the third trimester; so the risk is lower to the adoptive parents. I also think that a more experienced agency with experienced counselors will pick up on cues from the mother that she may be unsure of her adoption plan. I know that our agency never made any guarantees; and really prepared us for each possible outcome.

Lisa

[Barton]

Originally Posted by lisan

Our agency has quoted to us that 16% of the potential birthmoms (going through their agency), once matched, will decide to parent; based on their statistics from recent years. They've never had an adoption over-turned, once the child is placed.

I'm certain that this statistic will vary greatly by agency and/or private adoptions. Our agency doesn't even show profiles until the third trimester; so the risk is lower to the adoptive parents. I also think that a more experienced agency with experienced counselors will pick up on cues from the mother that she may be unsure of her adoption plan. I know that our agency never made any guarantees; and really prepared us for each possible outcome.

Lisa

Sounds like we are using the same domestic agency as my wife and I were quoted the exact same statistics this week.

[justlittleolme]

I think it's important to consider, that honestly, the agencies want your money... Sure they say they are about finding homes for children, but then why is it not non-profit? They are not going to tell you that over 50% of expectant mothers (and please don't say potential birth mom, until she does relinquish, if she does, she is simply an expectant parent) choose to parent... You just don't know what it's going to be like until your child is born...

Whichever agency quoted 16%, i'd would be very wary, and I do not think that is accurate at all! And an adoption was never overturned? I would also find that hard to believe... Please protect yourselves!