[daddysangel]

I will get to the title in a moment,first I would like to thank everyone for their support (see understanding).I have not had alot of time to respond, but I do appreciate it. Also see needing your prayers.This is my wife and her computer is down right now so I put my phone on do not disturb and thought I would bring you all up to date on our issue. I feel like a breif history should be told first. 7 (in 2mths it will be 8) yrs ago we got a phone call from her sister and husband asking us to raise this little girl as our own due to them already having one child and could not afford another.We told them that we would. We never gave adoption or custody much thought because we were asked to do it and we did it.In preparing her for school we were told that we needed to get her legally ours in order to enroll her. So we did and that is when all of this started.She is now going into the 2nd grade and turning 8 and may have to say good bye to all her freinds and move to another state where she knows no one including the person that wants her. OHIO has said bye get out of our state.They are giving jurisdiction to NC.A state that this girl has never been in.We received some court papers from NC on around the 24th of may stating that she was to be brought down for 1 weekend each mth to get RE acquainted with the BF and then Aug 1st turn her over for custody hearings and child support.Our names were not on these papers.It was BF VS **. So in their opinion it will take 6 days to erase 8yrs of this man being absent and never attempting to be a part of her life.They (NC) state that this is the best interest of the child.So this answered one of my questions I had in "understanding" If he gets her he gets more money from the state for child support because his ex will not pay it.Now to the point of this court action taken down there our case had not been decided yet (as far as jurisdiction) and this made our lawyer very mad.Yesterday he set up an appointment with the judge to show him the papers in hopes that it would make Ohio courts mad that NC would do this.It meant nothing. They said they are sending it to NC.The judge said that we have no rights to this child and we are the ones that created this mess.So where we stand now is to hire another lawyer in NC (that will make a total of 3 working on this) and appealing Ohio's decision. For the first time since this started I had to be brutally honest with my wife and tell her that we are going to lose her.She told me not to say that but I told her that even though we can win they will win because of one fact.They are going to bankrupt us.When that happens our lawyer will go on to his next case and we will try to pick up the pieces and move on with no way to fund anymore fighting. To this day NO ONE has even mentioned her name.NC courts,OHIO courts,not even the BF.No one has asked if she has friends here or what kind of activities she is involved in,if she wants to leave or not,if she has any medical conditions,NOTHING!!!!What breaks my heart the most is that if NC,s definition of best interest of the child becomes reality then how long will it be before their courts and society are looking at this sweet little angel,shaking their heads saying "what is wrong with todays kids". How many of us has done just that and never gave it a thought on what these kids are going through and what they are being forced to do. I know I have done it and never thought in my wildest dreams that one day they may be saying it about one of my kids.The hell with me and my wife and the BF and the **.Why does'nt some one stand up and ask this little girl what she wants and at least give some thought about what this is going to do to her.Is her standard of living going to be the same,will her medications be given,will she still beable to dance, will you miss your 4yr old sister that you held when she was born or just a simple question of WILL YOU BE HAPPY????? None of that matters.What seems to matter is to keep the kids as miserable as possible so that the court systems have something to do in the future and we can all look at the kids and keep saying "WHAT IS WRONG WITH TODAYS KIDS"
Thanks for listening

[almostember]

i'm just too heartbroken to respond. this is a sickening injustice. i'll pray for your family... for a miracle. i'm so so sorry.

[4tryingtokeepangel]

I Am Writting This In Regaurds To Daddysangels Post , I Am His Sister In Law And Know The Whole Situation That They Have Been Struggling With, It Is Heart Breaking To Hear My Sister When I Talk To Her On The Phone And There Is Nothing That I Can Do To Comfort Her , I Can't Give Her The Words That She Wants To Hear The Most And That Being, That They Won't Take Her Baby From Her. For Almost 8 Yrs This Precious Little Girl Has Been Loved ,Cared For And Spoiled Rotten By Two Of The Best Parents I Have Known And I Am Not Saying This Because It Is My Family I Am Saying It Because It Is True, If Only The Court System Would Look At The Way This Child Is Being Raised By Them And See All That They Have Done For This Child And How Much They Love Her Maybe Then Would They Open Their Eyes And See Just Exactly What Needs To Be Done In This Court Case , Not Give Her To The Bf, That Has Had Nothing To Do With Her For Her Whole Entire Live But Keep Her With The Ones That Would Give Up Anything And Everything Just To Keep Her .I Use To Have Faith And Believed That The Courts Were Out For The Children But Just Like My Sister I Just Don't Anymore To Me If That Was The Case They Would Take Into Consideration How This Is Gonna Effect This Lil Girl And They Aren't Even Doing That, Instead For Some Reason They Are Only Thinking Of The Bf Which Is Very Wrong , I Keeep Hearing Have Faith And Pray But How Much Can One Family Pray And Just Keep Getting Bad News? How Can I Tell My Sister That Everything Is Gonna Be Ok And Not To Give Up The Fight When I Myself Am Unsure What Is Gonna Happen,the Fight For This Child Should Of Never Been It Should Of Just Been An Open And Shut Case Because The Bf Doesn't Want This Child To Love And Care For He Wants Her Just For Control And To Say That He Won Again Which Is Just Gonna Destroy A Beautiful Family And A Beautiful Child In The Process.it Just Makes Me Wonder What Is Wrong With This Picture How Can Someone Be So Cold And Heartless, How Could They Want To Destroy Such A Young Lil Girl,? I Myself Am A Parent,to Sit And Hear All That My Sister Is Going Thru Just Kills Me , I Have To Hear Her Worries And Her Thinking That She Failed Her Daughter Because She Will Have To Go And Live With A Man That She Doesn't Even Know And To Hear Her Say How Am I Suppose To Live Without My Baby , How Am I Suppose To Answer That Question For Her When Our Children Are Our Lives And People Just Want To Take Them From You !how Can You Survive Without A Child, How Do You Not Worry And Wonder About A Child How Do You Answer Your Child's Questions When It Comes To Something Like This ? All I Know Is How Can The System Be So Wrong!!!!!!!!!!

[BrandyHagz]

Merged two threads.

[stacykelly]

I read your heartbreaking post. I can only imagine how you and your family must feel. That poor innocent little girl caught in such a mess. I cannot imagine any judge not thinking of what is best in this situation. While you do state you had no legal custody or adoption- that is what they held against you. However, they need to think where would this angel have been if you had not have stepped forward. They need to hold the fact that this biological father had known of this angel being in your care and had done nothing for years...that is just ridiculous!! You took their word when you stepped up and took on this angel. Too many times the courts are fast to side with a biological parent--They need to realize that just because we are not biologically connected-We still have feelings and emotions, and love these children as our very own!! 8 years of abandonment for any biological parent is just plain WRONG! I cannot imagine why after 8 years this biological dad NOW decided "oh I want to be the daddy".
8 years of giving all your love, care and nurturing to this little girl and here this biological father can walk in years later and take her away...Where is the justice? Where is the best interest of the child? Always remember that little girl will forever have you and your family in her heart...That little girl is what she is today because of you and your family!!! Nothing and Nobody can ever change the fact that for 8 years you and your family loved her as your very own and will continue to do just that!! I can only imagine the heartache and pain you and your family are going through..- All for the love of this little angel. I wish you could invite the judge into your home if God forbid this angel is taken from you guys...that is what they need to see! The emotional damage that is done when a decision is handed down. You cannot just erase 8 years of love,bonding, caring and cherishing an angel!!!! I will pray to St. Jude He is a miracle worker...please keep the faith, I know its hard. I am going through a contested adoption...I know the pain and heartache- They can never take the love we have for these angels away..we will forever carry them in our hearts!!! -This is defintely the strongest test of love anyone has ever had to endure...I am just so sorry that this continues to be an issue after all these years. Laws need to be changed and children need to be protected- What about the rights for her stability? She should stay right where she is -where she knows- and where she belongs!!!!!!!!!!!!

[gramslilangel]

I am the grandmother of angel..And an angel she is..I am just so very upset and just don't know what to say or do anymore.I would sit back and tell my daughter not to worry it will be alright, they will not take her from you..Now I can't even find the words to tell her that anymore..To sit and hear her cry day after day and not be able to do anything is killing me.I just don't understand the court systems anymore..We prayed and prayed day after day that the court hearing would stay in Ohio since thats where angels lives and had lived there for years.....She has never been in N.C...But the Ohio courts are sending it there.This little girl will never be able to find the love and caring that she has now if they turn her back over to the BF.My daughter and son-in-law are the type of parents that alot of children would just love to have..They are a very close and loving family..they never take time for themselfs without the children..If it does not involve the children then they don't do it..I am trying to find ways to help them though this..I pray every night that this is just a bad dream and it will go away..Why won't the courts just listen to little angel's voice and let her decide 'WHAT IS IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD" she is the one that really knows.

[stacykelly]

This is just so sad. It pulls at my heart. I know this feeling all too well. I was like your family took in a baby at 5 months..never got custody or adoption. I cared for and loved this child as my very own. That is just something we do as loving and giving and caring people. The birth mom was undecided as to what to do with her 5th child-the baby was headed for foster care. The biological dad was in another state-never paid child support-would not sign over adoption papers..but did not do anything for this baby. I basically cared for this baby to avoid the baby being caught in the system. I helped the mom whenever she needed me-Promises of adoption would always come up-but nothing ever became of it. We loved this baby so much we felt even if we do not get adoption, we would still be okay with just having him. The father would see the child once in awhile and then go to another state. I never thought that this baby would be pulled from me. Basically, I was stupid for not doing things legally however they allowed me to just keep this baby...When this little boy was 5 and a half-the father decided to be in his life -after a serious injury (in which he received money) which he could then afford child support. This was an all out battle-I never went to court over this, because basically the mom would come in and out of the picture never actually abandoning the baby. The father never wanted us to have any contact with this child. Even though we were the ones who loved,cared, and cherished this baby. The father said to my face you will never see him again. The hurt, pain and suffering were so much on me all I did was cry. The mom got custody the father received visitation rights. Fortunately for us we all lived in the same state. Never once did anyone say what does this child want. Well, this little boy is now 12 years old and we are still a part of his life. Try as he might the father could not stop this angel from seeing us. That little boy wanted us to be a part of his life. And till this day we are still actively a part of his life and always will be. After time the father realized just how much we loved this little boy. My heart knows the hurt this causes. It is just so clear to me how much this little girl means to your family. Why is this biological father doing this now? Doesn't he realize this is not good for this little girl? Where was this so called father for 8 years? There is not an excuse in the world to neglect your child for 8 years! If he loved this angel so much he would do what is best and leave her be. To the grandmother its hard to say what to do this is just so unfair.. I think sometimes they expect us just not to have feelings and move on with our lives. Its impossible when we pour out our hearts and souls to welcome a child and embrace them with so much love...to know at anytime they can be pulled from us. Your family like ours has BIG hearts we opened up ourselves to help children...I ask myself would I do this again..and even after all the pain and heartache I would. Rather it be for 6 months, 2 years, 8 years for some reason God placed those angels with us..and somehow will give us the strength to go on. I am currently in a contested adoption and this is just an emotional roller coaster-days of crying and heartache. All we do is pray and basically that is all we can do. Its just ashame that the laws allow this to happen and that the good-hearted families are the ones to suffer along with the innocent child-who never has a voice as to what he or she wants. I am just so shocked that the amount of years are not taken into consideration-Why wouldn't this be abandonment? This little girl is just so lucky to have an obvious family who loves and cares for her sooo much-Believe me she will NEVER forget any of you!! You will all be in my prayers...

[daddysangel]

Thankyou all for your support.Yes Stacy that is what they are holding against us.The courts however just hold it against us and have never asked us why.In fact they have not asked us anything.The birth mom came down to testify at the last hearing and they never asked her nothing either.We all could of stayed at home and got the same results.Our lawyers pointed out 10 good things we have done and the judge pointed out only that one thing and made the decision based on that.What NC courts are telling him we do not know.We do not know why the BF is doing this now and we can only assume because we have never met him.Based on the input we have from the people that do know him we assume it is for control and more state paid child support and another deduction on his taxes.In the court papers we received from NC it states what a stable home he has and basically the child would be better off with him.BUT he is in the court room alone and the judge is only seeing what him and his lawyer want them to see.Nobody is there to point out the child abuse that a day care center brought against him on the boy that he got custody on in an illegal way and how that was dropped because when it was investigated they asked the boy when the father was sitting there with him. What did they think the boy would say when the man that beat him is sitting right there.Our lawyers have proof of this ,but once again it all means nothing. Just taking the facts we have on this guy is enough for us to keep fighting because we can not allow her to be put in this enviroment.When we have exhausted all our financial avenues and more is still needed then the next decision me and my wife must make is for me to quit my job. The company I work for is an ESOP and we get stock in the company.The only way to obtain this stock is to quit or retire.I have enough to where it would cover any remaining fight left. This would mean however that I start all over again and any shot of retiring comfortably would be gone. I would without any thought give my life for this child so that she may live, so giving up my career so that she at least has a shot at a good life is an easy decision for me.I am not skilled to understand what GOD's will is or what he has planned. I can only pray that we are part of his plans for her.I pray that GOD can some how make himself known in all this so that the struggles my wife is experiancing with faith and if there is a GOD can be put to rest.When we have done all we can put it in GOD,s hands and have faith that his will be done.MAYBE that is what HE is waiting for. After 8 yrs with this angel I can picture her laying in an unfamiliar room at night thinking mom and dad where are you?Why am I here? I want to come home!Scared to get out of bed or even move.I can not or will not let that happen.The courts and society should not let that happen.How many children in the world feel that way and yet there is no one there to hear them.I feel it is time that someone that has the power to make a child feel this way start to listen to them and correct it so that our kids can feel safe and secure in the fact that when they go to sleep that nothing will happen to you on my watch.My wife and I had that taken away from us.
Thanks again for your support!

[stacykelly]

This whole thing is just amazing to me. How this BF can get away with not being responsible for his own child for 8 years is just unbelievable. To uproot this child after living with a loving, caring and stable life is just outrageous! How can anyone even consider giving any rights especially custody to a man who was never in the child's life? Where was this man when this angel was sick? Where was he when she made her milestones within 8 years? This is just down right pathetic. What is the lesson that is being taught to the BF who never step up to the plate? You just cannot expect anyone to just get over this and move on with your life-that is impossible!! You are her parents and always will be-You were the ones who she came to for comfort, for love, for support, for everything. It is just so obvious you love her so much!!! This drains you emotionally, financially, and yet you still have to stay strong for that angel!! Hang in there...I will keep praying...

[ChristieS]

This makes me feel sick. I will NEVER understand how this sort of thing can even be within the realm of possibility or legality. If there is anything any of us can do to help, please let us know (i.e., write letters to the governor, etc.)

I have posted on here some of the actions I took (and am still taking) while undergoing something similar. Yes, we too have been bankrupted by attorneys (while bmom gets free, legal, state-paid-for aid!)

Anyway, I took my anger and my case to the Attorney General, the governor of 2 states, and others. I took time off work and went to the county seat. I also spoke with State DHR, local DHR, etc. I had friends, family, and coworkers write hundreds of letters. I'm not in any way telling you what to do - or that it will work - only that in my case I still have my son (albeit legally tenuous). These are things you can do which will not cost you money - although be forewarned that my attorney was FURIOUS with me and told me I had to shut up or they would take my son. Turned out my doing those things are what helped me KEEP my son. Basically, they tried to blackmail me (shut up or lose your child) - and are still saying that. Each time something new comes up I hit the pavement even harder, talk louder, and basically refuse to go away - the governors office, AGs office, are all tired of me - and that is fine. I'm tired of the B.S. too and as soon as someone does something to protect my son then I will settle back into my quiet, peaceful life.

I am praying for you.

[daddysangel]

Well we found out that Christie was right.My wife called me yesterday morning and told me that a news team was coming to tell our story.It aired last night.I told her to make sure our attorney was aware of this so she did.She called me back and said he was very mad at her and ended up hanging up on her because he felt she jumped the gun.Wait until he hears that we are going to try and take it national.We are not going to sit back and allow our daughters future to be determined by a court system that will not even listen to her anymore.If our attorney does not understand that then that is his problem.Everyone we talk to can not believe that with no contact in 8 yrs a court would give this child to a complete stranger.I am going on the net to find shows such as Montel, Oprah anyone that will at least listen to this girl and give her a voice.I am also going to tell them that there are more people in this world that are being destroyed the same way as we are and I am going to recommend to them that they veiw this sight. Who ever monitors this sight and you do not want me to mention this sight you better let me know because other wise I will.I never knew how much devestation there was going on over adoptions until we found this sight.So now with an attorney that is very mad at us we move on and continue to fight.The news people that covered this could not believe what is going on and the reporter said she would try and get other surrounding states to also run the storie.I read in someones post that we needed to do something but did not know where to start.Maybe this is were we can start.We will let you all know if any of the shows will pick up our story.
Thanks and we are praying for you all along with our little angel.

[ChristieS]

GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And please, please, please feel free to tell them about me. They will not believe my story either - it is just as outrageous. We are now having to act pro se so I don't even have a lawyer to worry about. YEA!!!! This may be the one thing you need to keep your child. Make sure you contact Bill O'Reilly.

I contacted ALL the major stations, news programs, talk shows, etc. but wasn't able to get anywhere. They probably didn't believe me even though I wrot that I had documentation backing up my claims going back years.

Anyway - best of luck and I REALLY hope this works out for you guys! Keep us posted by all means and let us know how we can help - maybe we can band together for you in some way.

(I hope you will check out my post titled "I'm wondering if their is anything we can do")

[stacykelly]

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think these cases need to be heard out in the media-This is just down right unfair..Keep up the fight keep drawing attention-and with the prayers from everyone this will have to work out for you..PLease, please keep me posted. I live in Maryland and I have a 13 month old who I have had since the day of his delivery...This case is just dragging on and on. Its so unfair these children deserve to be in a stable and loving environment. I can understand how sometimes biological parents change their minds on adoption , but I do not agree with taking over a year to make a decision. Our case the BF keeps waivering in the decision, and all we do is hold on to the hope that we can keep this angel..If you get a petition going you could get so many signatures...What you are doing is what needs to be done!! Somebody needs to understand these children are our life!!! They deserve to have a normal life and not be pulled back and forth basically whenever a biological parent wants them. I am just sooo happy you are bringing attention to the unjustice that is happening over and over again. Someone needs to change these adoption laws!!

[ChristieS]

Originally Posted by stacykelly

I think these cases need to be heard out in the media-This is just down right unfair..Keep up the fight keep drawing attention- I live in Maryland and I have a 13 month old who I have had since the day of his delivery...This case is just dragging on and on. Its so unfair these children deserve to be in a stable and loving environment. ..If you get a petition going you could get so many signatures...What you are doing is what needs to be done!! Somebody needs to understand these children are our life!!! They deserve to have a normal life and not be pulled back and forth basically whenever a biological parent wants them. I am just sooo happy you are bringing attention to the unjustice that is happening over and over again. Someone needs to change these adoption laws!!

Yes - and this really needs to be done on a National Level. I live in Alabama - and four years later am still fighting in the courts - so it is a nationwide problem. We do know what this feels like and it is so painful and destructive to these sweet babies. Again - refer to my post about what can we do? How do we go about it? I am willing to fight - to testify before congress, to write letters or petitions - anything!

Stacy - I hope to God you do not have to endure much longer. It really takes its toll. 13 months is far too long and four years is insane - it is so incredibly hard.

Daddysangel - please let us know if we can help. So many of us would like to help you. What can we do to help your situation?

[ChristieS]

Originally Posted by daddysangel

Well we found out that Christie was right.My wife called me yesterday morning and told me that a news team was coming to tell our story.It aired last night.I told her to make sure our attorney was aware of this so she did.She called me back and said he was very mad at her and ended up hanging up on her because he felt she jumped the gun.

daddysangel - don't be surprised if your lawyer drops you. It happened in my case as well. I figured I'd rather have no lawyer than a lawyer who will not do EVERYTHING possible to save my child. In fact - I've now been through 3 lawyers - and I am done with them - and they are done with me. It is also very difficult to find a lawyer after you have spoken out - just to give you a warning.

For a birth parent to change back and forth, back and forth after so many years is WRONG! I love my child unconditionally, all the time, and don't waiver in whether or not I want to keep him - that alone says what is in the child's best interest.

Anyway - I'm PROUD of you! Again, let us know if we can help.