[mom2samuel]

My husband and I have been on an emotional roller coaster. We matched with a bmom in Feb. We paid her living expenses until she delivered on April 3. We drove to MS, held baby and took care of him. On day of discharge, as we prepared to leave hosp with him, bmom got upset (she was unstable) and left hospital with him. (AFter she tried to get more rent money out of us.) Fast forward to May 15. We received a call on a last minute delivery in NC. We drove 9 hours and met mom, who had already delivered on May 13. She decided to place with us. We left the hosp with a beautiful baby girl that evening. We knew we had to wait 7 days for reliquishment to be final. That was okay, we thought she was firm in her decision. (she was 20 yr old college student). After 2 days, she changed her mind. She had told her family and gotten their support. We were and are devastated. We don't know how much more of this we can take. This seems to be a system that has low odds for success. (Our birthletter went 'in the book" almost two years ago- August of 2004) Thanks for letting me vent.

mom2samuel
one son-adopted from Guatemala

[ChasingRainbows]

I am so sorry you are hurting right now. While we never had a failed placement. I know many of the aparents have here. You have come to a great place. We are here for you.

Your child is waiting for you. It is so hard to imagine that right now, but they are. The process of adoption is not for the faint of heart...even though it feels like our hearts might completely break sometimes...Hang in there and don't give up.

[lifesajourney]

This weekend all our hopes and plans were shattered after over 4 months of nearly daily contact with our birthmom. It doesn't seem fair...trying to be a parent shouldn't be this hard. My husband and I are faithful people, but times like this test the deepest of faiths.

We held, fed and loved our twin girls and know they will never get the same love, affection or opportunities from their birthmom. But we are holding onto hope - as you must - that there is a plan for them and a plan for you.

Take care...have strength,
Stacy

[Teekay74]

I'm so sorry for what your feeling. It's so hard. Our failed adoption is how I found this board. It has helped get me through some rough times, and I'm now using it for the good. After our failed placement we switched to international. If you want to talk I'm here. Once again I'm sorry.

[memoree]

I'm sorry, we recently went thru a failed adoption too. Twins (b/g) w/daily contact. It's been a horrible experience. We still haven't been able to fully cope.

[kelceesmom]

We had one failed adoption before our beautiful baby girl came into our lives. We had brought home twin girls for a week. The mom decided to parent. We knew in our hearts that their lives would not be what they should or could but we looked at it like if only for a week these babies knew unconditional love and hopefully for that week they were happy. It is in God's time not ours and if he sees fit we will all be parents one day. Grieve your loss. But try and look to the future.

[justlittleolme]

I feel for all of your pain... It must be horrible... Very very sad, especially when you have actually brought the child home... But, I really gotta say guys... statements like this:


"We held, fed and loved our twin girls and know they will never get the same love, affection or opportunities from their birthmom"</SPAN>



and like this:



"We had brought home twin girls for a week. The mom decided to parent. We knew in our hearts that their lives would not be what they should or could but we looked at it like if only for a week these babies knew unconditional love and hopefully for that week they were happy"

Honestly, how would you know that they won't have as good a life? Just because someone considered adoption, doesn't mean they will be bad parents! only that maybe not all their options were possible, it may have seemed to them like they had no other choice... I guess you just can't tell what you are going to feel until your child is born...

I wish you all luck, and hope that your dreams come true soon!

[ubooashell]

It's hard to put ourselves in their places sometimes. Our pbmom did the same thing to us. She go upset that we did not stay the night with the baby in the hospital after traveling 16 hours straight to MI, she didn't understand that we had to check in the hotel. So she went early the next morning at 530 am at took the baby out of the hospital. then called us in a panick because of what she had done. we had her for 3 weeks during this time she went back and forth we finally decided that we needed to go home, and that if she TPR'd that we would come back and get Chloe. The going back and forth was agony. We flew back home after being in MI for 3 weeks, paying her expenses, etc. However, one wonderful thing happened our son was born the same day we flew back. We were on another plane the next day to pick him up the parents had already signed away their rights. To tell you the truth I was happy not to have to deal with any birth parents after that ordeal. I know that they are not all like that, but I was exhausted, as I am sure you are emotionally and maybe financially!

[ubooashell]

I work at a womens resource center and am also a NICU nurse. Every day i see women and teenagers come in that think they are going to parent these babies. They can't even feed or cloth themselves. they are on welfare, they smoke, drink, and yes do drugs, and don't care about prenatal care or car seat safety. I see women that are 20 with 4 kids that are pregnant again, I want to scream! Not because Life is not fair, I have a beautiful son and I know that there are people out there that do not have the finances to adopt privately, etc. Its just that these babies....what kind of life are they going to have? There are so many good people that would make such wonderful parents , why is it so hard?
Michelle

[mom2samuel]

My friend says that the first question she is going to ask God when she gets to Heaven is why some people can have children and others can't. Parenting isn't about having lots of money, etc, but certainly basic needs have to be met. What was said about the car seat struck a cord with me. On our first adoption with the unstable mom, the hospital was going to make darn good and sure we brought our car seat into the hospital, but when mom left with the baby, she had no car seat and they did nothing. I'm betting she also had nothing else for the baby (diapers, formula, clothes). It was like this whim decision because she was mad and not getting her way.

We loved our second mom, and know that baby is going to be fine, so I have faith that MOST birthmoms are loving, wonderful people. Unfortunately, that small number of women like we've discussed get most of the attention.

I'm glad your situation worked out Michelle!!!

Michelle
"In the book" 2 years this week.

[adoptmom_02]

I am reading these post and it breaks my heart. We had a failed adoption too. pbmom took us for every dime we could pay wich is capped at 3000.00 in indiana. as soon as the money was gone she informed me she really wanted a biracal couple for her child. Hello you knew we were not and we seen her once a week untill the money was used up.
Why do these people play with our hearts and take our money. there should be a law to protect adoptive parents.
Kim

[toetappin]

i was a foster parent in 1990, before I was actually licensed I started receiving children. at one time I had a 12 year old girl and 4 boys ages 2,3,4 and 5. My husband and I worked full time and had no children ourselves.
Our intentions were for long term children with possible availability to adopt, as for we could not have children of our own.
As time went on, 2 of the boys went home and 2 small boys and the oldest (girl) stayed. I had the boys (not related) almost 5 years. They were 10 months apart in age one was 2 years old and the other just turned 3 seven days prior when God blessed me with them.

When these children came to live with me they had nothing and no one. Never a visit like the other children, no outings or gifts, no family to care. So I once I heard that the parents rights were going to be teminated, I was sad for them but happy for me as for I could start the procedure for the adoption of both of them. Then I could and did make my family, their family. My mom their grandma, my brother their uncle etc...
they were happy and excited.
So I started the adoption on the oldest of the two when an incident that I had absolulty had no knowledge of and totally beyond my control occured with a visitor at my home that involved a weapon and the police. The children were in bed and asleep because they were the first to enter my mind and I checked on them immediatly.
The next morning, Catholic Social Services and The Department Of Children and Family Services were there to remove the children because they said that I put them at "risk of harm".
Not only was I in disbelief but all of a sudden I felt as if I was no longer working fo rthem any more and that I was now a "client". The people I had worked with and known (some 20 some years) were now cold, rude and heartless. Not one asked me what happened, they went by the police report.
They put the children in another foster home down the street from me.
I was devestated. After many weeks and trying to rationalize with these people, it was sensless and I was getting absolutely nowhere.
My husband and I seperated and I was a mess.
I was a member of HOG. Harley Owners Group and also a local chapter. Without knowledge my friends and my chapter all came together and formed a benefit for me and the kids to find legal counsel to sue the state. I had donations coming from out of town from people I didnt even know. My hometown joined together and businesses and private donations were flooding in. Thank goodness for my mother as she was my backbone.
The benefit was a great success and a little over 14,000.00 was raised. I hired an attorney and sued the state, I won. I had always heard people say "they weight was lifted from my shoulders" but I had never expienced it until that very day. and you can really feel it lift.
The kids came home and it was difficult to work with the two departments. I tried and thought I did really well but they made it hard on me.
The kids came back in Feb. 95 and by Sept. 95 the dept.'s dug up another unfortunate incident and revoked my license, took the children and I have no knoweledge of them since.
I have searched for them for 11 years. They are now 18 and 19 and I can not get over the fact that I have missed their life and everything that they have experienced. Even when I see them again I still will have missed that . This has been with me every single day since Sept. 1995.
When i applied for foster care it was clrear and openly discussed at my free will that 100 years prior I made a mistake and had a felony record. I did not lie on the application either. Well, CSS looked at the overall situation and knew me as well and licensed me.
After all this was said and done they said that the state decided to "change the law" and if an applicant has any felonies they would be disqualified to be an foster parent.
Nothing more I could do, I had exhausted all of my funds. My attorny said we could take it to the supreme court and have about a 30% chance and a minimum of about 100,000.00. What di you do?
I still to this day have not figured out what the State and the departments definition is for "the best intrest of the child"
This has been a nightmare.