[tryingtokeepangel]

I had posted a letter a few days ago and so did my husband and sister. We are greatful for the replies we have gotten. All we want is for people to hear what we are going though and maybe someone out there reading our story, will be able to tell us something we can try or do that we haven't done yet. This week has been very hard on me, all I want to do is cry because I am so scarded and afraid of just the thought of someone taking our baby (well not a baby almost 8yrs) from us. It seems like I can't do anything right, I just lost my grandma on the 4th and trying to deal with that and now having the thought of losing our first born daughter, I am a scared mother. I had to get money from my own mom to help pay for our lawyer, I am not use to needing help like that and it hurts me to think I had to take money from my mom and her family to help us fight for our little angel. I know thats what familys are for but for me its very hard my mom is trying to deal with her loss of her mother and then I have to tell her what we are going though, I don't mean to break down but I am doing that alot, I just don't know how much more I can take. I can't cry when our daughter is home so I stay strong(or try to be) she see me crying and she gets scared, and I don't want her to have to worry about this at her tender age of 7, all we want her to know is that we love her more then we can ever tell her,She is our first born. We just don't understand the court system or the "birthfather" in all this. And it breaks our hearts. When I read things my husband writes it touches every part of me. When we talk about this he hinds his true feelings from me and trys to be the strong one and tells me don't worry about it shes not going anywhere,God has a plan for her and that is staying with us, but then I read what he writes and I see that he is as scared, and hurting just as much as I am. I lean on my husband alot, he has been working long hours so that we can have the money we need to fight this, and that takes time away from where he would rather be and that is home with his family. I love my family more then I can show or tell them all, and I am so proud of them.

[sadiegirl]

Ummm, if at all possible, can you be more specific about your case? I see that you've created 4 different threads about this situation...

What does your lawyer say? If your girl is 8, why was the bdad just now served with adoption papers? If he was served when she was a baby, and is just now answering, then he won't stand a chance! Why do the courts want the case moved to NC?

[ChristieS]

All I can say is I am so sorry. I have been through the crying spells - hiding it all from my son, the terror, the every-day-I-feel-like-I-am-losing-it, and at the same time being the best Mom possible. I used to cry every day in my car on the way to work. I couldn't cry at home, I couldn't cry at work, all I had was a few minutes in between.

This is a terror that is consuming and terrible - and it seemed no one understands. People would say to me, "What's the big deal? You have him for today." And they would have no clue.

One thing that helped me was remembering that no one - not God or man - has ever promised us another day with our children. A friend of mine's son died recently and tragically and it brought all my fears up. How sad. How sad that her son died and how sad that our children may or may not be with us tomorrow. It is a living h--- to go every day knowing that the courts can just sign a paper and take away our child. Same thing in my case.

Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. And then when there is nothing else to do, pray. My prayers are still not answered - and yet it is still all I can do. And know that there are others of us out here going through the same thing and all our hopes and prayers and wishes together may send a signal somewhere for someone to stop all the madness and look out for the child.

Hang in there. My husband was in Iraq while most of mine was going on - years of it. Now he is home and still it goes on and on. Hang in there.