[billysmommy]

As an adoptive parent who recently finalized the (contested) adoption of our 18 month old daughter, I was wondering what is everyone's opinion of an acceptable time frame for these cases to be heard and ruled on.......
Should it be based on the age of the child? Or the length of time the child has been in the home? Or the length of time from the date it was contested?
At 17 months old, had my daughter been taken from our family ( a perfectly safe, healthy and suitable home) and placed in another, I have no doubt that she would have been traumatized by it.
I guess what I am getting at is, when does "the best interest of the child" really come into play? Our justice system is set up so that all legal arguments are exhausted first ( and that usually takes months, sometimes years) , before the child's best interests are even addressed. What is fair for the children in these cases?

[cricket7]

I hear your plea, We have been going thru the same thing here in Ky. We got the child when he was 17 months old placed by Social Services and the child was returned to the abusive home on 3 different occasions over a years period. We were finally considered de-facto custodians and applied to adopt at that point and time, well as time goes by the child is now 6 years old and still no adoption. The judge has been asked to step down due to conflict of interest and also asked for a change of venue, by social services, and neither was was allowed. The child now thru all of this has been diagnosed as having reactive attachment disorder, post tramatic stress syndrome and several other diagnosis due to the changing of homes and situtation that the judge allowed to happen that wasn't "in the best interest of the child". I don't know what it is going to take to get stricter laws that are "IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD" We will fight the rest of the way as long as it takes! Hang in there because it can be a long road. You and your family will be in our prayers.

[Linny]

After dealing with the system for awhile....knowing others who have had equal nightmares of RAD and such.......my feeling is once the child is taken from the bios......the time is 6 months....period.

Wouldn't matter the age of the child, what had happened, etc. In six months, the parents would have had to have completed all of what was required...period. No, 'last minute stuff'...no 'gee, I didn't have the time'....no!
I have had friends who have been involved with monitoring of visits and caseworkers. All have said that you can tell the parents that really and truly want their children back by the second or third visit. The others just play the game.

Six months is plenty of time---if you really want your child back...and certainly time enough for the system to do their paperwork...because, IMO...any time after that-----is damaging to the child.

But, I forget to remember that this system is nothing about 'the best interests of the child'....it's all about the parents......(Grrrrrrrrrrrrr)

Sincerely,

Linny

[kalanica2]

I so know what you mean. Our daughter, who's been with us since birth, is now one. We aren't even near the first court hearing. Bdad, who is in jail for 2-12yrs and his family are contesting the adoption. So we may lose her when she's 2yrs old or older at the rate we're going. So sad. It's not only going to traumatize her but also my 6yr old son and us.

[FostermomCathie]

May I also make the comment that extended family also needs to get their crap in order within a reasonable time period if they plan to step forward. We were at the last court hearing, Bparents TPR no family had come forward, and we were in the paperwork for the future adoption plan, when the (young)grandparents step up and now they are prolonging things months longer for this little one. They have been told they most likely wont pass the homestudy and the dept wont ever recommend them. They are just giving it a try so they look good and just in case the judge sees them as good enough. So they have months and months to try to get their disfunctional lives straightened up. In the mean time baby is in limbo. Frustrating system.

[alwaysus]

Our sons birth mother contested from prison after she WILLINGLY signed the adoption papers and he alotted time was up. She was to be in prison till Paul was almost 3, then in a halfway house for a year. We fought it till Paul was almost 3. I can't imagine him having to leave his only home at that age. ( He had been with us since he was 6 days old)Thank goodness the courts sided with us.
We have since adopted his baby brother ( he's been here since he was 2 days old) Birthmother is back in prison and will be for at least 3 more years plus federal. Good thing we didn't give up.
I agree with Linny, 6 months is a reasonble amount of time. There should be no more playing games with the emotional well being of the INNOCENT children in these matters.

[leaabc123]

I think 6 months for younger children and infants and maybe 12 months for older children who may have more of a bond (if that makes sense).

Our girls have been in care, each since birth (almost 4 years and 2 years). Had been in 4 homes before ours, hve been here almost a year and yet the case goes on and on.

So, the children's best interests are often ignored and they are used like pawns in a chess game.

[billysmommy]

I agree. Six months is plenty of time, IMO for a parent to get their act together, or make plans to parent. Throughout the fight for my daughter, the thoughts that haunted me the most were not the thoughts of me losing her, but rather HER losing US, and what that would have done to her.
It is unfortunate that our system is such that the best interests of the children doesn't even come into play until long after these case are opened. It is most often the LAST issue addressed.

[stacykelly]

Six months is plenty of time. I am currently in a contested adoption the baby is 10 months. This is by far the strongest test of love anyone would ever have to endure. Never, ever did we think for once that adoption could drag on this long. We thought of doing foster care and decided against that relaizing that time and time again these children are placed back with the biological family. So we thought doing adoption would be the answer to our prayers. We understood going in that any adoption can come with risk, but the possibility of losing a baby after all these months is just too hard to even think of. I just really wonder when the best interest of the child is put into play. We are all this baby knows for security, stability, care and most of all love. The endless worry every day and every minute of not knowing what the outcome might be is just so extremely heartbreaking. To know there is nothing we can do but play this waiting game is just so hard. All we do is pray to God this baby was placed with us for a reason. Laws need to be changed to protect the child's rights. Bonding issues should come into play with these adoption situations. I am just surprised at how many of these adoption situations are out there, where the baby is 10 months or older and still the adoption is not final. That is just so scary for anyone out there trying to adopt. The painful thought of losing your only blessing is just so painful...

[sadiegirl]

Stacy,

We are also in a contested adoption and our DS is 10 mos old!

Our situation is a bit different in that bdad contested, we went to court, WON, and now he's appealing that. It freaks me to think he could win and get DS when he's 18+ mos (which is how long we've been told appeal will take). We are all he knows and loves.

IMO, bdad had a chance and he blew it. Move on. We would even include him in updates (we send them to bmom), even tho we wouldn't have to.

This process makes me ill whenever I think about it!

[billysmommy]

sadiegirl,
My situation was exactly the same as yours. Alexis is now 19 months old and we finalized just last month. It took many months from the time the appealed was filed until the case actually got to the appeal panel. But once it was finally there, it was less than a month when they ruled. What kept me grounded through the process was something a good (lawyer) friend of mine told me. He said that the chance of winning an appeal (of any kind) was only about 1%. And in our case, bdad had met none of the requirements to establish paternity. So basically, he had no legal ground for the TPR to be overturned.
I know how tough it is.

[alwaysus]

Paul was born January 2000 and his adoption was final November 15th 2001. His was contested. We went to court about half a dozen times and the courts finally told T she was done. I was terrified and got almost no sleep until it was over. I feel for you. Keep on keepin' on!

[mimc]

I guess I would make a distinction between a child who has been placed in a foster or foster-to-adopt home by Social Services and a child who has been placed with an adoptive family by a birthmom who made an adoption plan and willingly chose to place her child.

It seems like most of the posters are saying six months. If you are talking about a foster placement, then I might be inclined to give the bio family a little longer to get their act together. If you're talking about a situation where the birthmom placed the child as opposed to Social Services, I think six months is too long.

Adoptive parents aren't babysitters. If a birthmother places a child in an adoptive home, she shouldn't need six months or a year or what have you to turn her life around so she can parent. She's had the whole pregnancy to do that. As for a birthfather who might not have known about the pregnancy, I'd give him longer to come forward and establish paternity.

The other issue, regardless of how the child ended up in the adoptive home, is how the court system handles contested adoptions. I think the process takes entirely too long. Issues like this where a child's world may be turned upside down should take precedence over a lot of other matters. That it took 18 months for the adoption of Billysmommy's daughter to be completed is ridiculous.

[leaabc123]

In a foster care situation, 6 months is plenty of time to start working and make significant progress on a case plan.
Our girls have had their case drag on for almost 4 years now, since the older one was born. Their bio-parents have visited them once a week but that is it. They have never completed any other part of the case plan and continue to be allowed to drag this case on.

Perhaps if this case was settled in 6 months to a year, the older siblings wouldn't now have attachment issues. Foster care is supposed to be about keeping kids safe and healthy while their parentsdo what they are supposed to do. instead it is warehouse that allows children to languish while their parents make little to no progress but are still regarded with favor in the courtroom.

[mckenna]

i posted this on another thread but this is how i would like to see termination happen

i would make sure cases were revied every 3 month. at each review mom, dad or both would have to have made some progress on their case plan. after the first 6 months with no progress the case would be fast tracted to termination. if parent(s) make steady progress at each interval, the case would continue on the reuninfication trac. after 18 months if the parent(s) were not able to make enough progress for reunification, the case should go towards termination.