[sadiegirl]

Originally Posted by mimc

The other issue, regardless of how the child ended up in the adoptive home, is how the court system handles contested adoptions. I think the process takes entirely too long. Issues like this where a child's world may be turned upside down should take precedence over a lot of other matters. That it took 18 months for the adoption of Billysmommy's daughter to be completed is ridiculous.

I agree, mimc. We are being told that's how long it will be before ours is finalized, IF it is finalized. We were even sent paperwork by the court, saying the case is being expedited b/c it's an adoption. 9-12 mos is "expediting"?

Granted, the prevailing wisdom in our case seems to be that we will win this appeal but you cannot be human and not be a *little* scared that our DS might be taken away from us at 18 mos old when we've had him since he was 2 days old.

I would probe you guys further and ask, when you go to court for TPR and the judge decrees bdad's right be terminated (bmom signed at placement), should he even be ALLOWED to appeal? After all, the judge looked at and decided with the facts. And we've been told by our atty that bdad *could* keep appealing if he wants to spend the time and money...

[leaabc123]

I have heard that both parents may get one appeal, after that it is done. And that is one appeal together not one each, although it may be different in other cases.

[billysmommy]

sadiegirl........Lexi's case was also given "expedited " status. What a joke that was....
And you are right, we are human, and no matter how small the risk is, it's still a risk. And that risk doesn't seem so small when it's your child that could be taken away.
I asked the very same thing about why he could even appeal the TPR, and the only answer I was offered was this: "this is the USA and everyone is entitled to their day in court and the right to appeal that court's decision. " Not very comforting, but true.
My biggest gripe was with the way the whole court system worked. My daughter's case dragged on even after bdad didn't comply with several court orders. And that was after his rights were terminated for not complying with the laws to establish paternity. So why do we have these laws if the courts are not going to enforce them?

[stacykelly]

I agree 100% with the statement adoptive parents are not babysitters. Honestly that is how I think we are viewed. It makes me so angry that nobody seems to see the hurt, pain and endless worry we endure every second of the day. Looking into a child's eyes everyday and not knowing what is going to happen is just so extremely hard. I constantly think of how this baby will feel being pulled away from the only mommy and daddy...the only place known as home. I am scared of what the outcome might be. Yet knowing there are more couples out there going through this same horror is just unbelievable. It breaks my heart to see how far this baby has come, and to know all the joy, bonding, and abundance of love can all be taken away so quickly is just so painful. Words cannot even begin to explain the sheer pain we go through, and yet we need to keep our strength and stay strong for these children. God knows what we are all going through and I believe God is the one who has made us strong enough to keep going....

[NJNative]

"I agree 100% with the statement adoptive parents are not babysitters. Honestly that is how I think we are viewed. It makes me so angry that nobody seems to see the hurt, pain and endless worry we endure every second of the day."

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks we are often viewed this way. People seem to assume because we are not the biological relatives of our children, we are somehow less important. As if biology was everything and the years of nurturing are nothing. I especially notice this when the subject of reunions comes up.

Everyone expects you to be delighted -- no matter what the circumstances of the child's adoption were -- that your child is find the "missing piece that will make him or her whole." As adoptive parents, we're not allowed to have feelings about all of this (other than expressing joy for our child and support for him or her) or we're supposed to keep our mouths shut and teeth gritted if we dare to have feelings that aren't 100% positive.

But then we were just the glorified babysitters for 18 years, right?

Robin

[ChristieS]

Originally Posted by stacykelly

Six months is plenty of time. I am currently in a contested adoption the baby is 10 months. This is by far the strongest test of love anyone would ever have to endure. Never, ever did we think for once that adoption could drag on this long. We thought of doing foster care and decided against that relaizing that time and time again these children are placed back with the biological family. So we thought doing adoption would be the answer to our prayers. We understood going in that any adoption can come with risk, but the possibility of losing a baby after all these months is just too hard to even think of. I just really wonder when the best interest of the child is put into play. We are all this baby knows for security, stability, care and most of all love. The endless worry every day and every minute of not knowing what the outcome might be is just so extremely heartbreaking. To know there is nothing we can do but play this waiting game is just so hard. All we do is pray to God this baby was placed with us for a reason. Laws need to be changed to protect the child's rights. Bonding issues should come into play with these adoption situations. I am just surprised at how many of these adoption situations are out there, where the baby is 10 months or older and still the adoption is not final. That is just so scary for anyone out there trying to adopt. The painful thought of losing your only blessing is just so painful...

I just want to say I am in exactly the same situation. Our son will be four next month and still it goes on and on. Yes, bonding definitely comes into play. The pain is indescribable. The fear is one of terror every day. We had NO IDEA that this could happen. He is our only child. Yes, this IS the strongest test of love one can ever have to endure. We have been doing it for four years. We also decided against foster care b/c we knew it would hurt too much to love a child like this and then lose them - only to have the same issues (FOUR YEARS LATER) with an adoption.

I have been to the legislators and tried to have the laws changed but they couldn't care less. Sad.

[sadiegirl]

I'm sorry Christie.

I will pray that you also have a speedy and RIGHTFUL resolution to your case.

Keep us posted.