[willowhawk]

I am truly devasted that after 9 years an adoption could disrupt! The story is as follows... I have 5 adopted children, three of them being siblings. They came to me 9 years ago from a family of 8. The oldest was placed in a residential setting and the other four were placed in an adoptive home the next town over from me. They were all very difficult children and myself and the other adoptive parents became very close in order to keep the siblings in contact with each other. Through the years we have had our trials and tribulations. My children now aged 18, 17 and 10 are all doing wonderful. I recently found out though that the other four have been having major issues. A lot of them were just teenage related as they are 16, 15, 14 and almost 13. It was discovered that one of the girls (15) has had an 18 year old boyfriend. Of course the parents put a quick stop to that. In retaliation, the 15 yr. old said that the adoptive father had sexually molested her. This of course wa not true, but the father was removed from the home pending investigation. Things went downhill from there and after almost 2 months of the adoptive mother having these kids on her own, she decided that she could not handle them. I guess they have been very abusive to her, even to the point of threatening her with a knife. Major counseling had been going on, but to no avail. Last week the mother asked for a voluntary emergency placement for all 4 kids. The Department of Social Services denied this and instead filed a 51A against the Mom. The kids were removed and placed in temporary homes. The Mom has decided that she can no longer parent them.

[lucyjoy]

What was the mom suppose to do?

[evildishrag]

Originally Posted by willowhawk

The Mom has decided that she can no longer parent them.

She's had them for 9 years and decided she can no longer parent them?

[evildishrag]

Originally Posted by lucyjoy

What was the mom supposed to do?

For starters, she should follow through with what she signed up for just like every other parent and not throw up her hands and abandon four children.

[Lorraine123]

Unless you have parented a severely emotionally disturbed child, you can't say what you would do. Have you lived with a child where you feared for your life? Parenting a child like this is VERY different than parenting a child who has been with you since birth and has no mental or emotional disorders. Don't judge until you have walked the walk. Maybe this parent couldn't adequately provide for her children and wanted to find a parent who could.....

[dpen6]

any parent that has children that act out like this can and do have them removed from the house.

I really can't not understand how people that don't know what it is to bring up such troubled kids are ready to punce when something like this occurs. It happens in bio families and nary a word is said but let it happen in an adoptive family(of which I may add the kids are so screwed up because of birthfamilies) it always judged, and the parents are put through a ringer. If any of my children held a knife to me I would remove them from my house, I would take out a CHINS and make sure the rest of my family was safe.....whats wrong with that????

[evildishrag]

Originally Posted by FH-Lorraine123

Maybe this parent couldn't adequately provide for her children and wanted to find a parent who could.....

And how likely is that to happen? They have been a family since these kids were 4, 5, 6 & 7. That's too bad for her. When the going gets tough... She's stuck and should suck it up and find a way to make it work. So now these teenagers are going to rot away in separate foster homes, likely lose contact with each other and their other siblings with willowhawk all because after 9 years this woman is washing her hands of them. So sad.

So let's see. Out of these 7 adopted children, interesting how willowhawk's 3 have overcome their problems and grown into wonderful people and yet the other family is having such problems. Poor parenting.

[evildishrag]

Originally Posted by dpen6

If any of my children held a knife to me I would remove them from my house, I would take out a CHINS and make sure the rest of my family was safe.....whats wrong with that????

Fair enough, but I find it highly unlikely that all 4 children surrounded her in the kitchen and each held a knife to her. On the same day. Sheesh. So things got rough, particularly with one child, so rather than deal with it on an individual basis she gets rid of all of them.

[angelkisses0102]

Originally Posted by evildishrag

And how likely is that to happen? They have been a family since these kids were 4, 5, 6 & 7. That's too bad for her. When the going gets tough... She's stuck and should suck it up and find a way to make it work. So now these teenagers are going to rot away in separate foster homes, likely lose contact with each other and their other siblings with willowhawk all because after 9 years this woman is washing her hands of them. So sad.

So let's see. Out of these 7 adopted children, interesting how willowhawk's 3 have overcome their problems and grown into wonderful people and yet the other family is having such problems. Poor parenting.

Do you have a RAD child? I have a baby RAD'ish and I lived the hell of working through his behaviors for almost 2 years...please come spend a day at the home of a parent of a RAD child...you can NEVER, EVER understand until you have spent time in our homes...in our shoes. I describe a good day in my house like this...to nonRAD parents...take your worst day as a parent...multiply by 1000...that is a GOOD day at my house. And my baby RAD'ish is only 2.5 years old.

Do you watch your child to see if they are trying to harm or kill your family dog? Do you make sure that your other, older child is not being abused by your toddler? Do you look at your child and wonder how a 27 pound baby can have so much rage and anger? Have you ever been scratched in the face so hard by your toddler that you have bled? How about kicked, punched, spat at? How many bruises do you sustain per diaper change.

Let me tell you...if and I pray to God this never happens...if my son becomes a danger to my daughter or himself...or me...I will do what I have to to protect my family!

You are blessed if you have never lived with one of these kids and can't understand the depth of their illness...but those of us who can understand...understand exactly how this happened.

Why is it so easy to be so mean to others? So, so sad.

[Shoshana]

Actually, Karen, why is it so easy to sit in judgment of others when those others are anonymous, not here to defend themselves, and when the information provided comes from a 3rd party. Now that I think of it, I guess it is pretty easy to be judgmental and to dispense righteous indignation under these circumstances.

[lucyjoy]

Well then add me to the list of crappy parents who deserve to be condemned. If my state would allow me to give up custody, I would. I've parented my son since he was 8 years old. I've been kicked, punched, poisened had my house set on fire, been told how he now intends to kill me and seen his writings about how he like to take a gun and shoot me. Shortly before leaving home, he told my 8 year old he would be dying soon. He currently resides in an RTC, however, that's about to change. They say he is still violent, but it's a choice, not a mental illness. Shall I bring him home?
I've been told by 8 therapists that he's likely to kill me as soon as he's given the opportunity to do so.

So, again, since you think I should finish what I signed up for, what do you suggest I do? So far, I upped my life insurance, found guardians for most of my kids and am working on self defense courses. The police already have my number red flag to respond do to violent kids.
I should mention, my son, much like Ted Bundy and the BTK killer appears very normal to the outside world.

If you have the answers, I'd love to hear them.

[Lorraine123]

she should follow through with what she signed up

Not many of us RAD parents signed up for this. I know I didn't.

[ingodshands]

Quote:

" It happens in bio families and nary a word is said but let it happen in an adoptive family(of which I may add the kids are so screwed up because of birthfamilies"

The kids are not always screwed up just because of their birthfamilies behaviour, sometimes it is because of previous foster parents behaviour too, what makes it worse is when they have been treated badly by birthfamily, previous foster parents and then their adoptive parents bail out on them too.

I understand that parenting a child with RAD must be incredibly difficult, but no foster or adoptive parent are made to do it, it is THEIR CHOICE, just as it is with bio families, difference is with foster and adoptive parents they are taking in sometimes fragile, disturbed, affected children because of other adults behaviour towards them. They should not take it upon themselves to do this if they cannot or will not see it through.

Collette

[angelkisses0102]

Originally Posted by FH-Lorraine123

Not many of us RAD parents signed up for this. I know I didn't.

I certainly never expected to have my baby adopted at 8 months and 1 day old to become known as a baby RAD'ish. No I did not sign up for this.

[angelkisses0102]

Originally Posted by ingodshands

Quote:


I understand that parenting a child with RAD must be incredibly difficult, but no foster or adoptive parent are made to do it, it is THEIR CHOICE, just as it is with bio families, difference is with foster and adoptive parents they are taking in sometimes fragile, disturbed, affected children because of other adults behaviour towards them. They should not take it upon themselves to do this if they cannot or will not see it through.

Collette

Unfortunately you do not understand...can't unless you live it.
I opted to adopt an infant...to AVOID the issues that I live with daily. Dang, my crystal ball for not working that day...where did you get yours...mine appears to have a defect.