[stacykelly]

Please if anyone can give us advice we would greatly apprecaite it! Currently we have custody of a beautiful baby boy who will be almost 3 months old.However, the problem is the possible birthfather.He has not signed off on the adoption and he just contested after being served with a show cause order.Basically this birthfather had nothing to do as far as the birthmom's whole pregnancy and knew the baby was going up for adoption.He was married and when the birthmom called to say she was pregnant he told her he did not want the baby.Now after his split up with his wife he decides he wants the baby.We were wondering as hopeful adoptive parent's is there any hope of us keeping this baby? The birthmom wants the baby to stay in our care.The birthmom did not relinquish her rights once she found out he was fighting this adoption before her 30 days were up she filed with the courts not to stop the adoption,but if the father was fighting she wanted to step forward.I was just wondering if anyone has ever been in a similiar situation.Will the judge order the baby to go back to the birthmom? Also the birthfather is saying that he probably will not show up in court...what happens then.Any help would be apprecaited.We love this baby sooo very,very much the thought of possibly losing him would be so very devasting..we could not imagine a day without him.We entered this situation not knowing this birthfather would step forward -he has every right to his baby,but we just wish he would have told us in the beginning adoption was not what he wanted.....we are heartbroken and only pray for a miracle!!!!

[cathy102]

Did he hire an Attorney to fight for the baby back? I was wondering how long he has to fight this in court? If he doesn't show up at court, I would think he would lose his rights but I am not sure. I had a friend that just went through so much like your story. It went on for over 1 year but at the end the birthfather signed his rights away on the last hearing and now nothing can stop the finalization for the Adoptive Parents.

If I were you, I would get an Attorney like my friend did and see what your rights are. The birthfather does have a right to parent but I can see where you are upset because the baby has been in your care for 3 months. I hope things will work out for everyone. This is such a sad thing that everyone has to go through. It would of been nice if he would of just step in and wanted to parent and now look what the baby is going to have to go through.. I hate hearing stories like this. It's so sad for everyone involved...

Best of luck and keep us posted.

[mommyoftwo]

This happened to me 2 years ago. I took my newborn son home from the hospital. The birthdad was not returning calls. My son's birthmother left the hospital and has never been heard from since. I am still hoping to meet her one day. But the father called the day my son left the hospital(he was a preemie). He told the social worker that he might be the father..he might not be. He says if he is the father he will want to parent. My worker told him he would have to get a DNA test done since he wasnt sure. My lawyer had to wait for 4 months before filing TPR. The grounds for both were abadonment. They were the longest four months of my life(at the time) So the 4 months come and go and no one hears from either parent. My lawyer files and the TPR was scheduled. Well..the day comes and the birthfather shows up with his mother. He thought that my son was going to be there and that he was going to be able to take him home. Luckily my agency had documentation of trying to get in touch with him. The judge told him that he had to get a lawyer and pay for the DNA test. The judge told him that he had 10 days to do this. I was devastated..I thought for sure that I was going to lose my son. The 10 days came and went and no one heard from the birthdad. The judge even appointed him a free lawyer. The lawyer couldnt even get in touch with him. So they set an other date...of course this was going on through the holidays, so this made it even longer. But finally the day came for TPR. My son's birthfather didnt show up and TPR was granted. My son was born in April and TPR happened the following January..It was a hard wait, but worth it all. My best advice to you is get a good lawyer and make sure your agency is doing everything they should be doing. I give sooo much credit and thanks to my social worker and lawyer. They did everything by the book and that is why my son is with me today. Good luck and keep us informed.

[MNelson]

Stacy, I'm so very sorry that you are faced with this uncertainty and potential loss (((Hugs))). I've been there before and there really is no greater anxiety that I've lived. Although our son's birthfather never contested, he did not make a decision on whether he wanted to parent or place until our son was 9 months old.

The laws really are specific to your state, so you really have to consult with your attorney. Since this is a putative father and the birthmother is married (I looked back at your previous posts), the laws are very specific for this situation.

We did a lot of soul searching in trying to decide what to do if in fact we were faced with the choice we feared he would make ... parenting. We loved this boy more than we could ever imagine, and the abstract concept of legal risk placement (with "unknown father") that we had when we happily took him home was a distant memory.

Ultimately, both my husband and I decided that we could not fight. We would never be able to explain it to our son why we kept him from his biological family, even if we could live with ourselves. Then when we actually met the father, and got to know him, we realized how wrong that would have been for us. It was so hard to accept because all of our instincts were to care for and protect OUR baby.

Have you been able to talk with the father, find out what his wishes, hopes, dreams are? I think getting things concrete and personal will get things moving towards utlimate resolution. As much as you may want to hold on, I really will be best for all if everything is resolved quickly.

But don't give up hope! This man is probably going through a whole lot of emotion from his divorce and may not be sure of what he wants right now. I think the worst thing that can happen is for the courts to depersonalize it all. That's when it can get dragged out when parties don't feel like they're being heard. Try talking with him, with mediation if you must, but make it as personal as possible. Let him know that you care, that you are hearing his concerns, and that you ultimately want what's best for his son.

When people feel that power is taken away from them, they tend to dig in their heels further. If you give him the power of choice, he may just make the choice that you want. Utlimately though, you'll need to answer to your son in any action you take.

(((((Hugs)))))

[stacykelly]

I am just letting everyone know i am thankful for all the advice.However, there has been a turn of events supposedly the birthfather talked to the birthmom and has requested papers be drawn up he wants to sign the baby over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy my heart feels like its going to explode.I am not sure of all the details but we are getting papers drawn up and hopefully he will sign.As soon as this is done I will post......I cannot believe this its all so much like a dream.....we love this baby soooooooooo much!!! God we hope he is being serious we want this more then anything in the world.These birth parents have no idea what they have done for us...we continue to pray this will all work out for everyone!!!! We feel like we are walking on clouds until those papers are signed we just will not believe it.We have waited so long for our angel......

[Hopefull]

Great News!!! I wish you and your family all the best. Rene

[MNelson]

Stacy, I'm glad everyone is on the same page. Best wishes to all of you for peace and healing.