[Dibby]

As I read through these posts, I see that indeed, many people have had a failed adoption. However, it inspires both comfort and fear. My husband and I had a failed adoption last November and it devastated us both. We flew over 5 hours from home, drove through a blizzard, met the mother and her extended family (including a trip to the county jail to meet her brother) held the baby, changed his clothes and his diaper and at the last minute, she changed her mind. Literally. She was set to sign papers at 6:45 and at 6:30 she called her social worker. It was awful and the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. At the time, we thought we might not try again, but after some time to reflect on "what went wrong" as we see it, we decided to try again. We know that the only thing that will truly heal us will be having a child of our own and more time.

After reading some of the other posts here, however, I am terrified now to try again I just don't know if I am strong enough to go through that pain multiple times. Once was enough. I think it kind of goes back to the old "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" thing. Am I being too sensitive? Should the thought of having this happen again freak me out as much as it does? How can I combat this feeling? Any words of wisdom to impart?

[KatieMill]

Don't give up. I posted a thread today on General Adoptive Parent Support...shares a little of our story. We too have been through a failed situation.

It took us about 6 mos. before I could even entertain the idea of trying again. But we did...and we made it thru! There were times of panic, anxiety, peace, tears, and anything else you could imagine.

But we made it thru. Don't give up!

PM if you'd like to share some!

km

[MollyinSD]

I wouldn't give up. We had a baby boy home for 5 days when his borthmother changed her mind. We were devastated, but after much reflection decided to stay on the list and see what God had in store for us. 15 days later we were called and matched again. We were told the baby was due that weekend. Well he didn't come on time, but he did come home with us. He just turned a year old.

I truly think we were needed for the first week of the other little baby's life while his birthmother figured out what she needed to do. We also learned a lot and I think have grown through the experience.

Good luck!
Molly