[Linny]

I hope that you have some success in the court system.....but I would not wait on any ruling and such for any length of time. As Lucy said, better anything than having a dead child. Sounds severe....but realistic.

As a note to 'what to look for'.........there are sooo many different signs.......one basic one is to be quite aware of the symptoms of RAD (reactive attachment disorder) and realize that a lot of the children from the system who are older DO suffer from this or some attachment disorders. Also, make sure that the state gives you ALL of the answers to the questions you ask about an older child. In our case, the state knew full well of our son's conditions----as the paperwork proves this out. We were very green and just took their word for 'it'...when we were told they didn't have any info. We were wrong.
Make sure you go into any older child placement with a good head on your shoulders, and not with your heart melting for a child that 'needs a home'. RAD children can be very, very convincing......and dangerous.

Do your homework. Read and talk to many, many parents who have already adopted older children. Join an older child adoption support group....they can give you a lot of good info. And, I think most importantly........don't stop with the info you learn in the PRIDE (or whatever your state may call them) classes. In our case, the classes were extremely lame and tried to play more on sympathies, rather than the complexities older child adoption brings. It can't be understated, that older child adoption is NOT like infant adoption...and requires a different type of parenting, indeed.

Sincerely,

Linny

[BABIEMIMI]

MY heart goes out to you I have been in my situation for6yrs. now and short of someone in my house keaving ina body bag no one seems to listen or care I feel. Somehow the system has got to change for us, I have been begging and pleading for help since the day after the adoption and the adoption worker at the time no the supervisor siad "its part of parenting you need to learn how to deal with it, and if this was your birth child what would you do", I was apalled and because I was in the process of adopting our 3rd child that I picked up from the hospital @ 3 days old and didn't want to lose her we tried to maintain her but to no avail, i forgot to mention that they said they would charge us with abandonment, we have the last one we are in the process of our last adoption and at this point 5 1/2 yrs. later i don't care what I'm charged with because I am not abandoning a child that wants to stay in my home, but a 10yr. old who wants to control her and the world she lives in, I have been called a ***** so much she actually thinks thats my name, she has been attempting suicide for the last 5 yrs. I have suffered 2nd & 3rd degree burns, pushed down the stairs, spit on kick, etc. attempted to lash out @ my other kids, tried to become sexual with my only son, her psychiatrist, god nows who else, i can go on and on but the relationship in my family is not healthy and i am fed up, she has been in a treatment 2 times 7mos. at a time hospitalized so many times they won't even take her back and i have TBS, TSI, therapist, psychiatrist, and no one see's or hears us, just poor little girl, and today i asked adoptions, and everyone involved i guess when one of us leave out of here in a body bag then we will get the attention of everyone, raising a child with RAD, OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANCY, ADHD,MASTER OF MANIPULATION, has been pure HELL and i am furiated with the system that we live within because theymake youfeel like the heel of a shoe when youcall crying for help, well the buck has stopped, i am going toscream and shout until i reach the top and somebody listen because to save one over 7 is not the answer to thesolution, they need to build more facilities for kids like this because society is becoming overwhelmed with out of control kids that people like ourselves have tried to open our hearts and home to and they litterally take there feces and smear it in your face, so if anyone out there residing on the west coast (san diego,ca) please chat with me and anyone because this site first time on has helped me not beat myself up for feeling like a failure and i'm ok with my decision, GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND KETS KEEP FIGHTING AND WORKING TOGETHER BECAUSE NO ONE IS LOOKING OUT FOR US. THANKS FOR LISTENING AND LOOK FORWARD TO ANY FEEDBACK OR ADVICE.

Originally Posted by mistysaphire

Hi, Well I feel really bad for althe families involved with this kind of thing. We have three adopted children. Our 9 year old has killed 4 of our family pets and now has tried to kill her sister, and my husband, We have a two year old and she told doctor's he would be next........ Well She is in the hospital for this right now.They can only hold her so long in there. We are trying to get her into residential program BUT..... Our insurance won't pay for it so we have gotten her on medicaid.... I hear that won't pay either... Now we don't know what to do. I think we need to produce a dead body before anyone in the state will help... They say it may take up to a year to get her in one..... We live in florida and I was wondering if anyone had any information or advice... She will be getting out soon and it is very hard trying to keep everyone safe.... She sneaks posion, needles, medicine, etc... anything she can find and put in our food and drinks......
any information on what steps to take will be appreciated...


Worried in florida!

I am new to this... I was not sure if I posted it in the right place so here it is again......

[BABIEMIMI]

I KNOW ITS BEEN AWHILE ACCORDING TO THE DATE BUT I NEEDED TO REPLY AND FIND OUT HOW YOU MADE OUT BECAUSE I TO HAVE A VERY DANGEROUS DAUGHTER THAT NO ONE IS LISTENING TO. I TO BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE Has to leave out in a body bag before anyone listens to you, i reside in CA. AND I KNOW THE LAWS DIFFER BUT I WOULD LIKE TO KNIOW HOW YOUR SITUATION ENDED SO I CAN SEE IF SOMETHING WILL WORK FOR US AFTER 6 YRS. WE DECIDED WE NO LONGER WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS SICK GAME WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH, LIKE I TOLD HER THERAPIST TAKE HER HOME FOR A MONTH AND SEE IF YOU WOULDN'T GIVE HER BACK BUT NO ONE WANTS TO TAKE THE CHALLENGE(GO FIGURE) BUT THAT WILL BE MY FIGHT UNTIL SOMEONE LISTENS TO US.