[marclr911]

I'm wondering if anyone has found statistics relating to the number of failed adoptions each year due to "change of heart" at any stage.

We just suffered a change of heart, after working with a ** for six weeks. She had all the right counseling, said all the right things, and allowed us to take Lily (the baby) home. We heard via the social worker that she was hedging and ultimately after three days, wanted Lily back. That was three weeks ago and we still are trying to figure out what went wrong.

It seems I hear LOTS of these stories. Admittedly, we know the ** has all the rights, pre-consent. But I'm wondering if adoptive parents are really being told just how incredibly risky placement is...our 4 year old daughter was NEARLY a change of heart. Same scenario but the ** took her home... Thankfully, she called us after three days and told us she couldn't handle being a mother yet.

I would be very interested in learning how many adoptive plans end up not working out as agreed... 5 out of 10? 8 out of 10? 1 in 10?? It's something every adoptive family should be aware of....

mr

[jheald]

I wish I had the answer to that question also. We have endured two change-of-hearts since May. One I was in Chicago at the birthmom's request and I had the baby with me for 2 1/2 days (they have to wait 72 hours) and she changed her mind. The second was a quick one where she chose us, had the baby two days later and changed her mind during labor.

We've also had the tough decisions of turning down a couple situations as well due to excessive drug use or just being unable to get on a plane to meet someone prior to a choice being made on who will get to parent.

I'm beginning to feel like we'll never win!

Janet

[Hearsay]

On that 20/20 episode where they followed the story of the 16yo bmom and 5 potential families, Barbara Walters quoted 1 in 3 adoptions do not happen. I don't know where she got the number from, though.

Jennifer

[ermiller]

I don't think there really are any statistics kept, except possibly individually by an agency. Plus it depends on if you think a "change of heart" includes prior to birth or not, so even if someone tried to collect all that information, what each agency uses as its statistic may be not be the same.

We had one "change of heart" after birth but we never got to the hospital to see the baby. I've wondered the same thing about how likely it is to happen again, but I try to have faith that our baby will be with us when he/she is ready (which of course is not when I'm ready which is now LOL!)

Take care and I'm sorry you had this happen!

Erin

[AMom2Two]

"I don't think there really are any statistics kept"

ohh... I believe there are. We choose our agency because it had the lowest percentage of displacements per year. They have to disclose this information if asked. They can tell you how many placements they made for each year, they should be able to tell you how many displacements also. The year we researched our agency for our first child's adoption, the agency placed 63 babies, and had 3 displacements that year.

[Leigh131313]

Our agency had stats as well...They had number of waiting parents, number of adoptions, number of "change of hearts", and number of revokes.

Leigh

[AMom2Two]

That is great that your agency tells you the number of "change of hearts" they had. I wish I would have thought of that.
Hugs

[Jensboys]

When I was doing some training for adoption work ... the statistic we were told is that it SHOULD BE close to 50=50 post birth.

If an agency is competent in exploring parenting options with the mothers, they are receiving post and pre birth counselling etc that aproximately 50% of all adoption plans are put aside upon the birth of the child.

We were told to be VERY cautious if an agency was quoting low "change of mind" post birth statistics because they said the counselling the mothers would be recieving would be obviously incomplete. We were told to EXPECT that in at least 50% of all cases of women seriously considering adoption, that they were willing and capable to parent, and in the face of a "baby" would make that choice.

I suppose it is simply a decision that you can completely make PRIOR to the birth of the baby.

[redhedded]

I agree with Jensboys. Any agency should forewarn you that it is possible that 1 out of 2 adoption plans changes post birth. While agencies are required to record and report to the licensing board how many adoptions were disrupted, post revocation period, with court intervention, they are not required to report how many women change their plans post birth or even during a 10, 15 or 30 day revocation period, according to what the state law gives them to do so. Amom2two, I suspect that out of 64 adoption plans, more than 3 had a "change of heart."

We worked with two reputable agencies; both informed us that about 50% of adoption "matches" fail. Many permit you to decide if you are willing to travel and risk the wait during a state revocation period, based on what you feel comfortable with. I know many agencies, however, do not permit that and mandate that the adoptive parent not be given temporary custody or guardianship until the revocation period has ended.

mr: I am so sorry for what you have experienced and hope that you and your family are beginning the path to healing. I am so sorry for your daughter and cannot imagine the difficulty of explaining this to one her age. I do not think prospective adoption parents are given much information about this. While we were incredibly sad and disappointed during each failed match, we were, at least, intellectually prepared. I am not sure how I would have felt if no one had ever mentioned the likelihood of this occurring.

[MMC66]

This is really really really scaring me. I knew there was always a risk but I didn't know about 50/50. Someone reassure me! I'm getting on a plane on Tuesday and our pbmom seems so sure of her plan. She has had lots of counseling and has not seemed to waver, even once.

[redhedded]

MMC: Oh, please don't be frightened; be aware, but know that all you can do is open your heart and follow your instinct and intellect and feel confident in knowing that the expectant mother has been given the tools and time to fully consider and discuss her options. Where are you going? Will you be present at birth? Is there a revocation period? I probably cannot allay your fears; no one can. Because some matches failed for some of us, and others experienced failed placements, it DOES NOT mean that it will happen to you!

Our agency told us that there really was no such thing as a "red flag;" I do not think that the outcome can ever be predicted. Our first failed match was unexpected by all - us and the agency. The second was a surprise; though in retrospect, I think I was prepared for it. I am thankful everyday for my experience, for it brought me my daughter. It was the third time we had hoped to become parents; we traveled 2000 miles and waited a 10 day revocation period post signing of consents. Today that "baby" is a 26 month old toddler. I cannot remember my life before her arrival.

You are in my thoughts. Wishing you peace and a safe trip. Please let us know.

[MMC66]

We are going to IL. There the bmom signs after 72 hours and it is not revokable. I will be present at the hospital and at the birth.

[Linny]

Congrats on your 'match'.......we live in Illinois too; but I would also add that you might want to wait until the 72 hours are over and papers have been signed. There is a lot of difference between 'being pregnant' and 'having the baby right there in front of you'. I think this is one aspect that so many of us don't think about. "Hearts" tend to change after a baby is born. I hope that your situation works out well for you; but for the 'risk' reason, we've decided that if we do this again (we've adopted several times).....we'll wait for the babies that have already been born and relinquishments made. These do happen.

If you think that being in the delivery room...with the chance that the adoption may not go through will be 'alright' with you...then be there. If you believe that you might get 'too attached' before those papers are signed, you might want to wait to hear word from your agency before traveling to Chicago.

Best of luck to you.........

Sincerely,

Linny

[LeslieP9]

I don't know how accurate this is, but when we adopted our first son our agency told us that private adoptions, using advertising or attorneys has a fail rate of 75%, most agency adoptions have a fail rate of 50-30%. Agencies that facilitate open adoption and lots of pre-placement counseling (aimed at supporting parents at parenting if they can at all) have about a 10% fail rate.

In other words, if the parents are encouraged to parent and provided support to do so, then they will most likely choose to do so BEFORE they decide to place. The ones who still decide to place their child for adoption, are most likely to go through with it because they have looked at all their options and are sure they want to place.

Don't know how accurate they all are, but our agency had a 10% post-placement fail rate. About 90% of parents who walked in the door decided to parent BEFORE they ever even got to talking about choosing a family.

The benefit of this is that it prevents a lot of heartbreak on everyone's part.

[4everyellowskz]

One of my cases just disrupted and I think it affects everyone involved. I kept thinking could I have done anything different. And the phone call to the aparents was so hard. I feel so bad for aparents. Since I started working in the adoption field in May, two of my cases disrupted with my expectant moms. There were a few things I noticed in the cases. The first was a lack of counseling. Obliviously, you can't hold a gun to someone's head and tell them they have to go. I made it a point to encourage my client to go. The other is thing I saw was that in one of the cases the expectant mom did not have a choice in choosing the prospective parents for her child she was making an adoption plan. Rather the agency she was working with mailed their profile to her and told her that was who her couple would be. Another thing I noticed was the expectant mom was not able to make any sort of commitment all the way up until she gave birth. She had been working with a counselor for some time but was never able to tell me nor her counselor this was what she wanted.

In Florida, consents can be taken after 48 hours and once they are taken from a woman who has made an adoption plan for a child under the age of 6 months, the decision is irrevocable unless fraud or duress can be proven. (There are of course some other technical reasons. Chapter 63 can explain it all.) Florida has some laws in place that make a lot of aparents want to come here to adopt. Granted a woman has the choice to change her mind. I always say they have to make a decision that they know when go to sleep at night, they can live with themselves.

Adoption is a wonderful thing, but it is always an emotional rollercoaster for everyone involved.