[Jackiejdajda]

What a wonderful parent you are..

And what a good person as well.


Jackie

[patrisha]

Soulwhisper, the original post did list the ages of the children.

We also have a daughter, the ages are DD 9, DN#1 13, DN#2 14 -- in August, DN#2 sexually assaulted my daughter.

DD = daughter
DN = nephew

for future reference.

Trish

[DianeS]

SoulWhisperer - We are told in the first post how old each of the children are:

"My husband and I are legal guardians of 2 nephews. We've had the boys for 7 years, since they were 6 & 7 years old. We also have a daughter, the ages are DD 9, DN#1 13, DN#2 14".

[melon161]

May I suggest reading every post thouroughly before replying, this will help misunderstandings.

Thanks,

Stacy

[lucyjoy]

I also have knowledge in this area and she clearly did give the child's age in the first thread. A fourteen year old boy and a nine year old girl. Also, I find it insulting to the mom that you think she wouldn't recognize the difference. And it is my opinion that no matter how much rehab this boy has, that girl should not have to live with her abuser. If he is rehabilitated, there are families he could live with, but not this one.

[Jensboys]

Patrisha ... I too would praise your parenting and the relationship you obviously have with your daughter. She obviously trusts you explicitely to come tell you right away .,.. I would love to know why or how you were able to instill this in her so deeply. AWESOME MOM!!!

Secondly, Soul's post was deleted and for good reason! I too found it offensive that a mother should be forced to justify what sort of "penetration" happened to her little girl by another child in a home before we can offer her support? The ages were displayed ... no malice on the part of mom was expressed ... only a cry for some advice on how to deal with these two children, whom she loves!

[SoulWhisper]

Ok all,

__________________________________________________
Quote:
We also have a daughter, the ages are DD 9, DN#1 13, DN#2 14 -- in August, DN#2 sexually assaulted my daughter. It's been a horrible and confusing time. We had him arrested but have kept him out of kid-jail for the time being. He's been staying with my parents (not his grandparents by birth, he's my DH's sister's son).
_________________________________________________

What is DD9,DN#1,DN#2 etc,,,,???????? How is anyone supposed to decipher this?

And what is DH?

[debsdone]

About 5 posts back Trish explained all the abbreviations. I believe another poster did as well. But Trish's explanation stands out in my memory. Debi

[debsdone]

Whoa! I was trying to answer what I believed to be a sincere question! I didn't see the missing posts, I have no idea what they said; except for what I gleaned from the replies. I do wonder....if there were abbreviations in the original post that you didn't understand, wouldn't it have made sense to ask THAT question first? It seems that the questions that were asked were seen as antagonistic. Perhaps they weren't, but the subsequent posts DO seem to support that assessment. Why not simply ask for clarification of the abbreviations? I'm afraid I don't quite understand this reaction. Debi

[joskimo]

Yikes, all this over a misunderstanding! I am a veteran of different boards depending on what my interest du jour is. DD, DH, etc are common abbreviations, I was more concerned aboutr DN#1 and #2 not being understood.

Okay, so here's the update. We got a verbal assessment today, the written report is not in hand as of yet. The therapist is recommending outpatient treatment, so he stays with my parents. I had to sign a diversion agreement meaning that basically he's pleading guilty and that he'll go through treatment and follow all the rules of probation and they won't try him and he won't have a record. It was hard for me to sign it, I love him but part of me felt like I was betraying my daughter. In no way does any of this mean that he's coming home however. That is disussion is for another day, a good year from now. Basically his probation officer said "if", meaning that DD's counselor may never feel it's appropriate. I feel better that at least we have the assessment and have a course of action.

Jensboys: Thank you, the more research I've done I've learned that I did do something right, for her to come and have told me immediately says that she is aware, that she is confident, she doesn't have guilt or shame and that she trusts me. My husband is feeling a little hurt because I'm the one she talks to, but we are close.

So we continue on, day by day. my daughter and nephew of course are not allowed any communication, this makes all of us think about the holidays. My other nephew, the 13 year old misses his brother. The boys had a very messed up early childhood, domestic violence, substance abuse in the home, neglect, abuse, possible sexual abuse, and the only person these boys could count on was each other. This is the first time they've ever been seperated. He has bad days, but I'm trying to give him extra love through all this and I"m hoping he'll find his own room to shine, he's always lived in his brother's shadow. The older brother is an overachiever, gifted athletically, smart, good looking, he's always gotten a lot of attention, the younger one is quirkier and less gregarious.

My thanks to you all for your help, just talking is a relief, getting ideas and options is great. I don't know what's going to happen long term. I don't know where my nephew will end up. But there are choices he's going to have to make. We've sacraficed a lot over the years for him, for them. I'm stilling willing to work on it, but my sacraficing days are over, and I will not sacrafice my daughter's safety. Until my daughter, her therapist and his therapist think things are coming together then he'll be housed elsewhere. If my parents cannot keep him longer then we'll have to find foster parenting.

[joskimo]

Just to clarify I only referred to my hephew's birthmother as a drug addict. I could make other references, but I won't. I work hard at trying to get a long with her for the sake of my boys but she doesn't make it easy.

[SoulWhisper]

Joskimo,

I took no offense to your comment about the birthmother. I was making a comparrison with the codes that I have difficulty with, which you all use for labeling significant others. I was being funny, though I am sure not all saw it that way. And the forum would not post the two letters I used to identify B-irth M-other. I thought that was funny too in the comparrison.


Peace

[djb_97]

Joskimo -

My thought and prayers are with you and your family, I wish you the best of luck, please keep us all posted.

Hugs,
djb_97

Soulwhisper -

There is another thread out there about abbreviations, there has been a long debate about the correct way for posters to abbreviate birthmothers, it is now known that if anyone types a B and an M, that it is automatically changed to ** everyone hasn't caught on to the new abbreviations yet. This is still new so I was also confused by the ** until I came by the thread about abbreviations.

I've only been a member here for two months now and I'm still learning about the abbreviations and what is acceptable, it can be confusing, but I think it's great to use abbreviations so that we are able to shorten our posts in order to be able to say as much as possible before the computer decides we're taking to long to get everything said.

Take care,
djb_97

[dap]

joskimo -

I think you have handled the whole situation very well and it is a great credit to your parenting that your daughter told you right away. My only concern is that there is even a question of the child coming back to your home. As someone who was abused as a child I just shudder to think that a therapist would consider (even as a remote possibility) that a child should have to live with her abuser.

D.

[aMarylandfamily]

The therapeutic world of today believes that therapy can cure most anything and while it does assist in resolution of issues it is not a "cure-all". Our child, soon to be 14, currently resides in a residential program after exhibiting/voicing behaviors dangerous to himself and others at home, his initial psychiatric hospitalization and the RTC facility ... including sexual acting out (victim and predator) at both the hospital and RTC facility ... and discharge plans for him (a year later with little or no progress) are for him to transition into a therapeutic/treatment care home yet the question regarding our ability and intentions for a return home are raised regularly ... now required by many states to continuously reaffirm the facility's recommendation and our plans ... hard to believe but very real. If for some reason a parent in your position is considering a possible return home at a future date, require a step-down placement first where they can monitor for a timeframe before accepting the abuser back cold-turkey and if after a step-down succeeds, then surely implement safety precautions (alarms, etc.) even if he/she is determined "cured".

Keep writing - we love to assist with advice!