[SSMPhoto]

I joined this forum because I have been really feeling lately that we should adopt, and I know that if we do decide to adopt, we want to adopt from Ethiopia where the need is so great.

Here is some background for you.

My husband and I have been married for 9 years, and we have one child who is, by all accounts a miracle. He will be 4 in October. It took us 2 years to get pregnant with our son, and we have not prevented pregnancy since his birth in 2007. So, it is now 3 years since I stopped breastfeeding and really had a chance of trying to get pregnant, though we didn't prevent pregnancy while I breastfed.

I was told in 2005 that getting pregnant, although not impossible would be difficult, and there were never any truer words spoken to me in my life.

I have experienced depression, anger, frustration, resentment, you name it during this process...

So, every day that goes by, I realize what a great big brother my son would be, and how much more I want him to have a sibling. (My own want of another child has never ended)... I had thought of adoption back when we were going through infertility issues before my son was conceived, but put it on the back burner when I got pregnant and tried to just focus on that.

We are considering adopting a toddler from Ethiopia. (2-3 years if possible). But I have a few questions. Is there anyone on here that has had experience adopting a toddler from there, and how that child adapted to family life? I know that your experience will be different from my own, but I want some amount of perspective. Also, has anyone adopted that age range with a young child already in the home? (Biological or not)...

I want to better understand what we will be doing. How it will affect the family dynamic. I want to know what to expect (somewhat) for my biological son, as well as reactions adopted children have had with the drastic change from Ethiopia to USA family life.

I have concerns obviously about if things will change negatively.

Also, and I realize this might sound naive and strange, but I was raised an only child, and I don't understand, and never did, how parents say they can love more than one child the same. I worry about that even if we were to conceive another child. Will I love that child as much as I love my son? Will I be as good of a parent to that child? Will I always favor my son? My husband is from a family of 6 and assures me that it is indeed possible to open your heart to more than one child and give them the love they deserve. I am just scared. I don't want to adopt and not give that new child as much love as he deserves. I just have so many questions. I am sure that I would have just as many concerns if we were to get pregnant, but right now I feel very overwhelmed.

We want to expand our family, and I feel so strongly that we should adopt, but I am terrified. Is this normal? Am I too naive to even try? I don't want to do anything but bring a child in to a loving and caring home, which we have, but I just wonder if any of you who have experienced this same situation, (or similar) could offer me some insight...

This has been weighing on my mind for a while now, and I would love some feedback from those who have gone through it.

With respect,
Susan

[LisaAnn1170]

I can understand your point of view. I have one son who is 6 and we've been trying to adopt again for some time. Additionally, I'm an only child so the dynamics of a multiple-child family are totally foreign to me. I'm ready to jump in with both feet, though!

My best piece of advice is do a lot of research. Adopting from Ethiopia is very difficult these days due to changes in the process. You may want to broaden your search to other countries or domestic adoption. Also, find out as much as you can about toddler adoption. We have many friends with children who came home at the ages of 3-5 years and there are challenges involved. Recognize that you may be bringing home a child who has been institutionalized for an extended period of time or one who has experienced neglect or trauma. Surround yourself with competent social workers and attachment counselors because there is no way to predict how a child will react to a new home regardless of how loving you are.

As an aside, if you settle on Ethiopia, be aware that there are families who brought home a child who was 3 years old on paper, but assessed to be 4 or 5 years old by a US physician. This isn't uncommon. The exact age of an abandoned child isn't often known.

Best to you in your decision!!