[Rapids]

Hi everyone! We are early in the adoption process but trying to get ahead of the game, getting our dossier documents together. I'm stuck on the personal letter to the Ministry of Women's Affairs.

Our agency has instructed us to ask permission to adopt from Ethiopia and to explain our reasons for desiring to adopt an Ethiopian child. Also, to be as complimentary as we can about the Ethiopian culture and our awareness of the number of children who need permanent families. We are also to state that we want to help the child maintain his/her cultural heritage.

I've hit a road block here since the content of the letter seems to be so important. My husband has been to Ethiopia and has seen the type of poverty these kids live in. How do we say we will be able to provide a much better environment for a child than the Ethiopian govt can, while still being complimentary of the Ethiopian culture????

[Mama Julie]

Just talk about what you can provide for a child. Our social worker told us not to talk about the fact that there's lots of kids in Ethiopia who need families, but instead to focus on what we can offer. Give specific examples of how you'll maintain the child's culture.... find where Ethiopian people live in your community, go to their cultural gatherings, etc. You can see if there's an Ethiopian adoption support group near you; join that & inquire about the types of activities they have. Also talk about your schools, friends, etc; anything that will help you look good & will help show that you have a good home for the child/children.
Julie

[sak9645]

Never compare the U.S. to Ethiopia when you write your letter. You don't want to appear to be saying that your child will have more advantages because the U.S. is a richer country with nicer houses, better schools, a better government, etc.

Focus on the fact that, first of all, you want to be parents -- that is, to have the opportunity to give a child love, structure, permanence, and the opportunity to fulfill his/her potential.

Emphasize what you have to offer a child -- two people with a good marriage and a strong desire to parent; enough financial resources to provide a child with what he/she needs to grow and thrive; a love of learning and a commitment to helping a child maximize his/her educational achievement; good role models in terms of a moral life, a strong work ethic, and so on; and whatever else you choose to say.

As to why Ethiopia, let your heart speak. It is OK to say that you chose to adopt from a country where there were many children in need of permanent loving families, as a result of natural and manmade disasters like famines, epidemics, and wars, as long as you don't appear to blame the country for causing the problems or failing to fix them.

Yes, your husband saw poverty in the country, but didn't he also see things that attracted him? And both of you; didn't you choose Ethiopia because there were some things you knew about the country that seemed to fit in well with your own family values and traditions?

I chose to adopt from China, in part, because Chinese culture is so similar to my own family's American Jewish culture, in terms of things like the value placed on education, respect for the elderly, reverence for tradition, and so on. I talked about these things, as well as about my enjoyment of Chinese cuisine, Chinese art, and so on.

I have not been to Ethiopia, and have not adopted there, but from what I have seen, the Ethiopian people have enormous dignity, despite lives that are sometimes hard. They are also very friendly and love children, allowing international adoption only because, right now, there are more children in need of homes than people with the resources to take in other "mouths to feed." If these things attract you, mention them.

The country is alive with color, because of the beautiful textiles produced there, and also with sound, due to some unique musical instruments and traditions. If you are interested in the arts, you can certainly mention these things, and how you plan to incorporate them in your home to help introduce your child to his/her birth heritage.

If you are sports fans, talk about Ethiopia's success in long- and middle-distance running competitions, and how you will encourage your son/daughter to watch -- or even participate in -- such competitions.

Ethiopia is religiously diverse, with followers considering themselves Ethiopian Orthodox, other Christian, Muslim, and Jewish, as well as practitioners of indigenous religions. If you have an Ethiopian community near your home, you might want to see where they worship, and if there is a house of worship of your own faith that attracts Ethiopians, you might want to talk of taking your child there. I happen to be Jewish, and got to know about the Ethiopian Jewish community from children in my daughter's Jewish day school, where there were several Ethiopian families.

As I said earlier, follow your heart. I, personally, could not mention a love of Ethiopian food, since I have had it several times in authentic restaurants and do not enjoy the traditional spices. I also do not particularly like kitfo, although I have eaten the seasoned raw ground beef in an Ethiopian restaurant twice. I do like the communal dining, however, and the use of injera to scoop up food, since it creates a sociable, informal environment. But I would not promise to serve kitfo at home as a way of introducing my child to Ethiopian culture!

Sharon

[JenC]

Ug. I remember that letter. It's tough to write! I'll see if I can dig ours up and PM it to you.

[Rapids]

Wow, great replies, thanks for the tips. Just had our home study a couple of days ago. It went well and the report should be ready in a couple of weeks. SO EXCITED!