[browndog1]

I'm a longtime lurker, first time poster.
I have a daughter, 4, from Vietnam and a son, 19 months, from Guatemala, and my husband and I are trying to decide about a third child from Ethiopia.
I'm alternately excited and terrified about the idea of having three children. Being outnumbered seems so impractical!
I'm 42, and my husband is 44, so we're not spring chickens, but we're very healthy and active.
Has anyone else gone through this decision-making process?

tricia

[adoptethiopiablog]

Yeah, kids are a lot of work, but in the best way possible. The nice thing about going from 2 to 3 is that you are an experienced parent by now. You've figured out your 'style' of parenting. I'm sure you'd do fine!

Mary, mom to 8

[mommytoEli]

We already have 3, we are working on #4, with plans for 5 and 6. I love having lots of kids....and it is fun for them too....I do not think 3 is too many...now, I have several friends that each have NINE....now that is too many....they love it...I just don't want to have to drive a commuter van as my every day vehicle!

[meeko]

Hi. I've been trying to decide between Vietnam, Guatemala and Ethiopia. I'll be a single parent. Do you have any advice on how to pick a country

[adoptethiopiablog]

Well, of course I have a tremendous bias towards Ethiopia! But different countries are right for different people. I'd start by doing some reading about the various countries right here on adoption.com. another really good source for info about the various programs is rainbowkids.com Do some reading and you'll probably start to get a feel for what might work best for you..

All the best,

[ocracoke]

I would have to agree with Owlhaven. Of course, I am also biased to Ethiopia! But it is important for you to pick the right place for your family. Do the research about the culture and customs of the countries -- which one appeals to you? It is not that you will have to live your life in the culture but that culture will become a part of your life since you are adopting from there. What about costs? Some countries are more expensive to adopt from. While this isn't a factor for some it is for others. What about stability of the program? How long have they been operating? Are there any predicted problems on the horizon (rumors)? Are there people in your area that are from the culture you are thinking of? What is the age range of the child you want? Do each of the programs have children in the age range? How long of a process is it to adopt? I know that China - not a country you are looking at - is about a 14-18 month wait for a referral after you have submitted paperwork to the country? If you want a quick process it is important to know what the countries current status of referrals are. Or if you want a longer process -- to get ready -- you need to know that, too. How many trips do you need to take? I know that some countries allow escort, some only 1 trip and some require 2 trips. Is taking the time off from work an issue in this factor? What about length of stay in country? Some are shorter then others. I know it is a lot of information to take in. Research will be your best friend in this process -- it will help you to make the right decision for your family.

Best of luck on your journey,
Samantha

[teranga]

We have 3 children, and I love it. I am not one of these people who plans to (or who will ever) have more than 3. I considered 4 for a while, but for me (no offense to anyone who has more than I do!!) I didn't feel it would work. There is a certain amount of time I want to spend w/my kids in a group and a certain amount of time I want to spend with them individually, and 3-4 kids is the most I could have while still giving the amount of individual attention I want to give. Understand, families work in many ways, and I am by no means saying how I want mine to run is right for everyone!

So I think that's one consideration. Another is child spacing. My kids are currently 5,4, and 2. The first 2 are bio. We have no family in the area, and we have moved a lot, so there have been times when we don't know anyone in the area. How much support you have makes a big difference. I think if I'd spaced my kids out more, I might have gone for a 4th, but with them all small, it goes back to my personal preference of wanting a certain amount of individual time in the day for each. I'm a stay at home mom, so it's not a question of fitting them in around outside work.

I'm rambling, sorry. The one other thing I wanted to say is that I agree that it is easier now you're an experienced parent. Everyone warned me that 3 is so much harder than 2, but I totally disagree. Have a 14 month old and a newborn, and living on 100 acres in Maine, knowing no one? THAT was hard. Having a 4 year old and an almost 3 year old and adding an 8 month old when living in AZ with lots of friends and great weather, not to mention parenting experience? Piece of cake (relatively!).

Each family is different so I can't say what's right for yours, but I think if you give some hard thought to how you see your family (time to each child, resources, how much you like to have everything picked up and neat, how you honestly feel about all the extra laundry and other tedious parts of the day, etc) it will start to become clear what the answer should be for you.

[mjkkbbr]

We have 6 kids. 3 bio, 2 Korean adoptee, 1 Russian adoptee. I LOVE it and am even considering #7.