[kategal11]

Hi! I am new to this forum, and new to the entire adoption process in general. After reading an article about an Ethiopian orphanage in the NY Times several years ago, we are ready to begin finding an agency and, hopefully, a child to add to our loving family. Our 3 children are 2, 6 and 9, and we are hoping to adopt a little boy next year. I am very curious about other families who have adopted internationally after having biological children. Our kids are all freckly, redheaded and Irish-looking, and they resemble each other (and their Dad) almost to the point of being funny. Our town, while a suburb of NY city, is almost all white.
I have concerns about the way an African child might feel in that situation, and how others have handled the inevitable issues that would arrive. Also, are there any books out there that deal with these concerns, especially with respect to adopting after having biological children.

I look foward to hearing from anyone with sage advice!

kategal11

[teranga]

Hi. We have 2 biological girls who have white blonde hair and the biggest blue eyes you've ever seen, and we are adopting from Ethiopia right now. We have already accepted our referral and hope to be going to get him within the next couple of months. I would be happy to tell you about the agency we're using if you'd like to PM me--I highly recommend them.

As for your concerns, we had similar ones, and to an extent, still have them. I spoke w/a lot of families who had adopted transracially, and who had grown kids (as it's the teenage years and up that I'm most worried about). In the end, we accepted that there are families w/biological children only who have a child or two with big "issues", and there are people w/adopted children who have "issues" with adoption (or somethign else). There are also families of all sorts--biological, blended, adopted, etc. who have pretty limited issues!

I think some of it is going to depend on how you approach the subject as the child grows, and some of it is going to be the child's personality and to that extent--just luck of the draw.

I see a pro of having him being clearly adopted that he doesn't have to decide whether or not he wants to reveal that he's adopted every time he gets to know someone. It's openly there from the get-go. On the downside, he may not always want people to know. Pros and cons to everything.

I think it's a very personal decision in the end. We decided this is what we wanted to do, and you never know for sure how something will affect a child (or an adult for that matter) so we weren't going to shy away b/c of how he "might" feel. He might not feel the way we were projecting him to feel! So we're VERY happy with our decision and our little guy, who is 5 months right now, is just the cutest little tyke. We can't wait to go get him!!

Good luck with your decision!

Pam

[MMC66]

I can relate to all you are feeling. Addy is 2 months old. Hers was a domestic adoption and she is biracial. We have four biological children - all of us are caucasian. I have lots of African American friends and I was a sickle cell nurse for years so worked almost exclusively in the AA community. I am comfortable as are my kids with a baby that looks different than they do but still worry about how Addy might perceive herself and the reactions of others.

I have 2 books - both look really good and I have read some of each - neither cover to cover since the demands of 5 kids prevent that somewhat :-). I think it is all about how you approach the situation and the "community" you create for your family with your new member. There are many people on these boards with more experience than I - and they will tell you it isn't a walk in the park but more than worth it at the end of the day.

Best of Luck - Here's the books:

"Inside Transracial Adoption" by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall

"Cross-Cultural Adoption" by Amy Coughlin and Caryn Abramowitz.

Martha

[Casey677]

Might I also recommend "I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla". It is truly a fantastic book!

Casey

[VeraValdivia]

Hi, I have several friends who have done successful independent international adoptions in Etheopia. I just finished my independent international adotpion in Liberia. I can definately recommend an agency to you if you would prefer going the agency route. I sent you a private message with more information.

I am a mother of four biological mixed-race (black) children and though they are my birth children...we have always gone through the adoption question. LOL

So, getting two more children from Liberia won't make a difference to us.

Good luck to you. Like mentioned above, my friends have done successful adoptions from Etheopia and Liberia and we have our own "support group" where we help others on their adoption journey.

Good Luck!

Vera

[JessiBell]

Would you recomend me an agency to use to adopt from Liberia and tell me about how much the whole process was? Thank you

[ExcitedMomtoBe]

Check out "Black Baby White Hands: A View from the Crib" by Jaiya John. It's an autobiography of the first black baby to be adopted to a white family in the state of New Mexico... back in 1968. I've read the first half and so far, have loved it.

[Lexa]

Kategal11-

Your family sounds a lot like ours, we have three kids 9,6, and 3 and are in the beginning stages of adopting from Ethiopia. I have similar concerns about an adopted child feeling very different from his or her siblings, as our current children all look alike. We are planning to eventually adopt more than one child from Ethiopia, which I hope will help. Luckily we do have beautiful diversity where we live.

Best wishes for growing your family-

Lexa

[Footiesfamily]

I'm not sure if your thread is older, but I am going through the same issue right now. We have two children 5 & 3 and am thinking about adopting a baby from Ethiopia. I'm worried about how my children will react and we also live in a very "white" community. I would appreciate anything you know that you would be able to share.

[teranga]

Our son, adopted from Ethiopia, has been home 1.5 years now. Our bio children, now 5 and 4, have never questioned his position in our family--that's the beauty of youth--they haven't had time to hear anything that would make them question that he is part of the family. I explained that he grew in another woman's tummy, but she could not take care of him, so I am his Mommy now, and they are his sisters now. They asked why she couldn't take care of him and I told them I didn't know, but that loved him very much, and I am sure still loves him very much, but would also be happy to know he has such wonderful sisters and parents. And that was pretty much the end of it. They've asked other questoins, as time has gone by, and of course both they and he will have increasingly complex questions, but as far as them accepting that he is their brother? Not a problem in the least. He IS their brother and they question it no more than they would if I had another bio child.

We had been living in a very white community (still are, but a bit less so where we are now). I have had absolutely no negative feedback. If anyone is thinking it, they aren't saying it. Only lots of positive comments. I'm not naiive enough to think no one is thinking negative things, and there have been times when I've thought to myself sure that woman is asking little Jenny to come say hello to our son, but would she let her date him in 12 years? But as I said, we have received only positive comments from people we know and strangers alike.

Also, something I found was that there are more families made up similarly than I had ever realized--it wasn't til I had an adopted son of another race that I kept noticing it.

Good luck with your decision.

Teranga

[onemorechild]

Those 2 books are great. They are the ones I recommend too!
Elizabeth

[Footiesfamily]

Thanks, I am going to pick them up now

[Footiesfamily]

I really appreciate your feedback. I don't think I worry so much of now when he would be a baby. Of course we will be starting over. But, I worry about how he will fit in when older, will anyone want to date him, will he feel that we took him away from his family. Just a few things that are on my mind.