[WaitingforaBoy]

Based on some recent assessments we have had done for our DD we have a sneaking suspicion that she could be suffering from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
I emailed bmom when we first started seeing Easter Seals etc just to let her know. I just got an email back from her stating that she wanted to help as much as she could and to please ask her any questions we needed. I had previously asked her when she started receiving prenatal care. She said that she didn't know she was pg until 3 months-ish and didn't start seeing the dr until around 4-5 months. I know that bmom is a very heavy drinker and since she didn't know she was pg until so far along I'm thinking we're right on with the FAS suspicion.

How do I go about asking her if she was drinking without making her feel like I think she's a bad person etc?

[shy_bear]

IF it were me I would just ask; not sure you will get an honest answer but if asking will help your child then I would go for it.

Does your child have any of the facial features of FAS? From what I have read and been told unless there is documented proof of the bmom drinking and the facial features a child will not be labeled FAS, but FAE. Our son has the very thin upper lip and lack of phillium(sp?) but for all we know that could be a family trait. He also has a small head size, but he is a very small child. We are waiting on getting an appt for an eval. They are going to look at him for FAS/FAE and Autism.

[manni28]

Based on some recent assessments we have had done for our DD we have a sneaking suspicion that she could be suffering from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
I emailed bmom when we first started seeing Easter Seals etc just to let her know. I just got an email back from her stating that she wanted to help as much as she could and to please ask her any questions we needed. I had previously asked her when she started receiving prenatal care. She said that she didn't know she was pg until 3 months-ish and didn't start seeing the dr until around 4-5 months. I know that bmom is a very heavy drinker and since she didn't know she was pg until so far along I'm thinking we're right on with the FAS suspicion.

How do I go about asking her if she was drinking without making her feel like I think she's a bad person etc?

I second what shy bear said, just ask her. I wouldn't worry about making her feel like a bad person; she was/is a heavy drinker. Maybe asking her will be a step in the right direction for her to get sober.

-Manni

[EZ2Luv]

I agree with just ask even if you do not recieve an honest answer. I say this because if she did not know sh was pregnant for 3 months or so and she is a heavy drinker, I think that the answer is a no brainer. It would however be nice to hear her admit to it , there is a good cvhancer she may not. Agian given the circumstances I would have to assume that she did in fact drink for at least the first 3 months or so.
This holds true for many women, even women who are not heavy drinkers who do not realize they are pregnant. They do have occasional drinks but once they realise they are preganant they stop. Maybe you could word your line of questioning to only address the last 6 months of the pregnancy.
Understand that in most cases it is very hard for a bmom to make such an addmission knwing that their behavior has causes life long damages to their child.
EZ

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by WaitingforaBoy

Based on some recent assessments we have had done for our DD we have a sneaking suspicion that she could be suffering from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
I emailed bmom when we first started seeing Easter Seals etc just to let her know. I just got an email back from her stating that she wanted to help as much as she could and to please ask her any questions we needed. I had previously asked her when she started receiving prenatal care. She said that she didn't know she was pg until 3 months-ish and didn't start seeing the dr until around 4-5 months. I know that bmom is a very heavy drinker and since she didn't know she was pg until so far along I'm thinking we're right on with the FAS suspicion.

How do I go about asking her if she was drinking without making her feel like I think she's a bad person etc?

We just asked making it very clear that this information was not about anything other than needing more to go on in order to get our kids the help they need in order to be as healthy as possible. I'm pretty certain that in our situations, we will most likely not know the whole story and just have to assume certain things. It sounds like you are moving in the right direction in getting your child help.

[WaitingforaBoy]

I sent her an email (myspace-the only way we have contact) which she hasn't read yet. I would be so thrilled if she was honest. I'm really really hoping for that! I tried to be gentle and made sure to let her know that the more we know the better doctors/therapy we can get (which is so true). Hopefully that will help.
Our daughter is showing facial features of fetal alcohol exposure: epicanthal folds, small eye openings, smooth philtrum, low nasal bridge, and small head. She is 18 months and not walking or not talking. At first we were thinking autism, but she is pretty social and seeks out our attention (climbing on our laps a lot), but yet a lot of times she seems like she is in her own little world.
Thanks for your replies. I love to hear the perspective of others!

[Mkap]

I would just ask straight out. I asked our birthmom about her alcohol use during pregnancy and she wasn't offended at all.