[trixila]

My daughter just turned four. Developmentally, she is pretty much on target. However over the past 6 months, there has been an uptick in unpleasant behavior. Lots of yelling, defiance, pushing/shoving when she is accidently jostled by another child. It's not all the time, but it is there. She was exposed to a bunch of prescription meds and most likely meth, withdrawal was mild and short lived, her meconium tested clean. We just had a thorough developmental assessment by Children's Research (specializes in exposed kids) and no red flags. How much is normal 4 yr old defiance, pushing boundries, and growing pains? So hard to say. My 9 yr old has adhd and was a biter until 6, so dealing with challenging children is not new to me. But at this point, I am on the verge of going back to CRT and having additional evals done. Her aggression is so quickly triggered, it is hard to jump in and prevent her from pushing or smacking the kid who bumped into her. Would be curious to hear if any other parents with exposed kids encountered this tyoe of behavior. It's way too soon for Paxil...although mom is considering it for herself.

[Barksum]

I have a hair trigger child. He was exposed to meth and alcohol, that we know of, and even that documentation is shakey. He was neglected the first year as well. So he came to us with some attachment issues (more on the mild end of the spectrum) and some probable FASD issues. The thing that got him was being touched, which it turned out was due to tactile defensiveness, and his probable dysfunction of sensory integration.

The FASD and the SI component all made for some interesting times. He has low impulse control (FASD) and then he perceived touch as pain (SI) and he'd go off into a tizzy every time someone tried to hug him or brushed past him, or even when his younger brother looked like he might be coming toward him from across the room. That did diminish with time and through working on the sensory integration component.

However, he still has low impulse control and a bit of a hair trigger temper. He's getting better, though. We've seen a HUGE improvement between age 3 or 4 and now at age 10.5.

We found that routine and consistency were the best things to help out. Routine that is predictable so nothing 'sneaks up' on him. Giving a heads up when we're going to transition to the next thing in the day, etc. Having a calendar for him to look at, etc. It just seems to help with his just generally being a bit high strung, so to speak. He's not anxious or nervous, but knowing what is going on and that we have a plan helps him greatly in a very basic way.

Consistency in all things also helps. Bedtimes, rules, consequences...and not letting anything slide. If your child has a stronger temperament you have to be equally strong in maintaining the boundaries. (Strong temperaments are within the realm of normal temperaments for kids!) There is a great article in Psychology Today (I think) a few years about the different temperaments in children. I'll see if I can find a link for that, or at least find the article title. Anyway, a child with a temperament that is different than our own, or than with those temperaments that we're most familiar, can be really challenging.

And I think that if you think your Dd should be re-evaluated, go for it.

Came back to say that I can't find that article right now...but will post if/when I find it.

[joskimo]

my daughter was born drug exposed and her agression was apparent at a very early age. She was diagnosed with sensory integration disorder at under 2, at 3 she was diagnosed with adhd. She's on meds for the aggression, will try a med for the adhd this spring.

[MenloAve]

Is is also a possibility that it is just being 4. My ds had a very hard time controlling himself during his late 3's and 4. To some degree it went into his 5's when his father wasn't around. He even tried choking me in the car, while I was driving, since I wouldn't get him cookies at the market. I know he wasn't exposed because he is my bio kiddo. He is extremely smart and pretty much on track socially he just had a hard time learning how to control his upset emotions. He isn't a spoiled child and never gets what he wants if he cries, whines, etc. He just falls apart at times.

My brother and my uncle had a very hard time with this as well, so I think it is genetic. I did much of the things that are listed in the "special needs" books (though I didn't know it at the time). I would hug him while he was screaming/hitting and tell him I loved him, he was safe, and that when he was calm we would talk. over and over. The other day he was having a breakdown at the dinner table and he walked a few feet away, I saw him visibly try to control himself and he came back to the table and attempted to discuss the situation. We gave him so many "brownie points" for his ability to come back and discuss the issue that his meltdowns have almost gone away.

It is possible that your kiddo just has a predisposition to anger (not that a predisposition is any better) and needs extra help in figuring out how to express that anger without being physical.

To some degree we have determined that he might be a bit hypoglycemic (sp?) since he seems to have these melt downs when he went too long without food, or at the last meal he didn't have protein. Typically when these meltdowns occur there is no reasoning, logic, or ability to think in him at all. The doctor said this pointed to low blood sugar.

I remember going through it with my younger brother (also guarantee not exposed) and it can be difficult to get your hands around. In talking to his wife the other day she mentioned that it can still be an issue. But he learned how to focus his energy in areas like music and it got much better. My mom also said that limiting the sugar helped him alot. She recently told his wife to get rid of the sugar in the house and see if he improves. LOL! We'll see how that goes over

good luck

[ScrapMonkey]

I have two boys that are aggressive and both have very short tempers. I have been told over and over by doctors, etc that the see if often in drug-exposed kids. They also generally have a higher pain tolerance. My big, big issue during the day is not losing MY temper over their aggression. We are trying to maintain a calmer household to set better examples for them... good luck to us!