[mk317]

We are in the process of adopting through the state and have put in for two different little boys in hopes of being chosen for one. Both of the babies were born drug affected and at first it wasn’t a big deal to me. When you see those sweet little faces, you can't help but want to give them a home and love them forever.
In the last few days, I've been getting all these comments from people warning us about the long term effects and how things could be rough for us if we get one of these little boys. Both have already gone through withdrawals and are described now ( they are 9 and 10 months) as mellow, easy going babies that rarely fuss, are very happy, and eat and sleep well.
What will the future be like for these boys? Do they stand a chance at having a normal life? Are we getting in over our heads? Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated! (Pretty much I'm looking for someone to tell me things will be okay if we are chosen to be the parents for one of these little boys! =0) )

[mom2behappy]

whos mom used crack cocaine thought out her nine months even on the day of delivery... hes ok and doing well can spell his name 5 letters say his abc's frontwards an backwards count to 20 and tell you everyone n the familes name first and last. everychild is different but you just have to work harder wif drug exposed kids imho

[EZ2Luv]

It depends on the drugs, how much, what kind. Most babies end up doing OK. Personally I would be more concerned if the bmom used alcohol. It is important to know what drugs too. I know that babies born on methadone are detoxed, then go through somewhat of a rough start as far as sleep problem (they just don't seem to get comfortable) and unable to sooth goes, but once they pass a certain point it is pretty much smooth sailing. From what I have seen and worked with methadone exposed children are no different than non exposed children, but it also depends on the child themselves too. Only you know what you can handle and what is good for your family. What would probably be no problem for me might be something big for someone else and vice verse. The parents with drug exposed babies here can give you first hand experience and will tell you the truth. Sometimes those that are not familiar with these babies(outsiders) have less than favorable opinions. You did the right thing comming here and asking.



EZ

[mommytoEli]

more than what kind of drugs, it will depend on what was mixed with the drugs. very few people do straight meth...lots of times it is mixed with chemicals and cleaners. some doctors think this is actually the more dangerous part. anyway.....drug babies can be fine. know that they are most likely going to suffer from learning issues or attention issues, but both of those are miniscule in comparison to what could have happend to these children. every baby is different, they all grow up different, effected in different ways, but the fact that they are doing well now is promising. my son is almost 5...born addicted to meth, exposed to much more than that. and he is the light of my life......he is SOOOO adhd.....but other than that, he has overcome alot of problems to become a pretty healthy "normal" little boy. if i had to rewind time and do it all over again, i'd still adopt him. he's amazing!

read up on things that can happen, know what to look out for, get a great pediatrician who will give them a thorough assessment to rule out any issues that should be attended to immediately, and then sit back and enjoy being a parent. things will come up, and you'll always wonder if that is bc of the background, but you will never know......the fact remains that babies are very resilient. just be prepared for the worst in case.

[Schmidtkarma]

Wether or not the child is exposed to drugs, they are the innocent one's in this whole picture, they deserve a good family and a stable life where they can grow and be loved. If you have support from family & friends, support from pediatricians and other people in similar situations, I believe you can get through anything! If you are even considering this than I have no doubt that you'd be able to handle what comes your way, you are in this situation for a reason. Trust your heart!

[atouchofheaven]

my son was born addicted to methadone and cocaine. bmom said she also used marijuana. he has some delays but is only a few months behind. he also has some sensory issues but nothing too bad. he gets overwhelmed in chaotic situations or with a lot of stimulus. he is very impulsive and active though and i wouldn't be surprised if he ended up having ADHD. but he is so, so smart and has a wonderful personality. i don't worry about his future because he is a fighter and a survivor. and he knows just how to get what he wants and has tons of spirit. he will be just fine because he can stand up for himself (and he's not even two!).

ultimately, do what's right for your family but don't be scared off just because there was exposure. like others have said, it can go a variety of ways depending on the child. i've heard many many positive stories, but i also have a friend who's son was exposed and has big problems. but that's only one out of many.

i guess just jump into it optimistically but don't set your expectations too high.

[daveandmina]

Also remember that many comments come from people who do not have experience with exposed children. Their knowledge comes from stereotypes and media.

[MommyToTwo]

My son (addicted to methadone at birth, exposed to pretty much EVERY other drug) was a happy, easy going baby at 9 and 10 months. He is still, for the most part, a happy little guy. However, at age 5, he has now been diagnosed with severe sensory integration disorder, visual tracking disorder, auditory processing disorder and high funtioning autism. He is a joy to parent even if he is tough to deal with sometimes.

I have high hopes that he will have a "normal" life, even if it means 18 years of hard work for all of us.

[CaddoRose]

I can tell you about my friends two daughters, now 16 and 12. 16 yr old was born addicted to coke and serverely beaten and had a congential heart defect. She's now an honor student and has no side effects. As a baby, it took time for her to over come the effects of the drugs. The 11 yr old was also born addicted to coke. She has many days and nights of trying times to overcome the drugs, but now is also an honor roll student. If I hadn't been told, I would have never known about their past. Their Mom has said that when they first arrived, it was hard, but always worth it.

[Barksum]

So much depends on so many factors that it really is difficul to say that X + Y = Z. One of my kids was prenatally exposed to meth and alcohol. Then was neglected for the first 9 months. I could not, honestly, tell you if it is the alcohol or the neglect that has done more damage. He's a generally happy child (age 9 now) who does well with lots of love and support. He used to not be able to deal with change very well, had a bunch of sensory problems, HUGE tantrums, etc., but has been working diligently to train himself and is doing well.

Other son was prenatally exposed to about 6 different substances including alcohol, and was born addicted to heroin. He has been developmentally delayed from the get-go. No big deal to us, but then we love him, so it isn't some theoretical child somewhere. He's Our Child. He's a very sensitive young man who can be very kind and tender at times. He tells me I'm the bestest mom, so he obviously is a bright child. He's very active and has great difficulty sitting down much. Dinner can be a bit trying as we have to keep calling him back to the table. He's not going to be super advanced and in the honors program. (Probably. Who knows what the future holds?) He is sweet, charming, kind to animals, and ALL boy. (ie: he's never not covered in dirt and usually has a tear in his pants...even the NEW ones! )

ALL parenting is overwhelming and pulls you to the brink of insanity at times. Kids bring chaos, love, heartache, fufillment, and every other emotion out there. You just have to do your best to carefully consider your decisions, and then go with it.

We were SO very careful to not adopt a child with alcohol related issues. Yep. Veeeerrry careful. So our first adoptive child has probable FAE, our second has at least FAE, our third was screened and disqualified as full FAS but needs to be screened again in a couple of years for FAE. Our fourth adopted child is really unknown. We just kind of go with the flow.

After a certain point we realized that we could not really control a whole lot of this process! We did our best to be ultra careful the first time out...and found out that no matter what you can be blindsided with unexpected diagnoses. We were careful and methodical in how we planned our adoption process, and then just had to make a giant leap of faith at the end, anyway.

[sagecrossroad]

Originally Posted by mk317

We are in the process of adopting through the state and have put in for two different little boys in hopes of being chosen for one. Both of the babies were born drug affected and at first it wasn’t a big deal to me. When you see those sweet little faces, you can't help but want to give them a home and love them forever.
In the last few days, I've been getting all these comments from people warning us about the long term effects and how things could be rough for us if we get one of these little boys. Both have already gone through withdrawals and are described now ( they are 9 and 10 months) as mellow, easy going babies that rarely fuss, are very happy, and eat and sleep well.
What will the future be like for these boys? Do they stand a chance at having a normal life? Are we getting in over our heads? Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated! (Pretty much I'm looking for someone to tell me things will be okay if we are chosen to be the parents for one of these little boys! =0) )

I don't think there is any guarantee with any child, birth or adopted, drug exposed or not. But with love and patience even the most difficult children can thrive and flourish.

My only experience with a drug exposed child is with my now 3 yr old (adopted) grandchild. And when she was an infant she was always screaming, always sick, never content, and she hated to be held. Now she has been disgnosed with a sensory disorder and she is more than a handful with all her little particulars but she is definitely lovable and darling in her own unique way.

We have good days and horrible days but life just wouldn't be right without her. No doubt these little one's can be challenging but children that have deficits are in a struggle that was cast upon them. It helps to remember that on a bad day.

It's a good sign if you have a content baby. I don't know where you are adopting from but perhaps if you can visit and see for yourself, some of your very normal fears will be dissolved. Best wishes.

~sagecrossroad~

[clubJWP]

i couldnt agree more with Schmidtkarma, Trust your heart!
Wether the child has been exposed to drugs or not it depends on further how you groom them, most of the child who live in healthy atmosphere are just fin. you just have to see to it wether they allergic to something or not. my advice is "GO FOR IT" you are doing a great deed

JWP
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Looking to perform an intervention on a loved one who is abusing drugs or alcohol? This site can definitely help. DRUG AND ALCOHOLISM INTERVENTIONS - GUIDELINES AND RESOURCES FOR PERFORMING AN EFFECTIVE ADDICTION INTERVENTION.

[blessedbybug]

I wouldn't be able to calm your fears at all, nor would I be able to answer all your questions. Unless you have a specific diagnosis like FASD, etc, then there's just no way of knowing the full effects of the exposure on them. The fact is the only answer would be "maybe...maybe not".

Both my kids are prenatally exposed (but neither tested positive) and at this point (2 and 4) they are doing well. DS has had the roughest time but by 9-10 months he was catching up, feeling better and being more himself. I don't fear for them (or more for me and my sanity dealing with the unknowns and what ifs) like I used to, but mostly because I've come to the point where I'm parenting them and it's just a part of their history, something we are fully aware of, always in the back of our mind and ready to do something about if we see issues cropping up, and we are now, fully parenting them, providing them with structure and boundaries, basically what any parent would do.

I would ask lots of questions (someone else mentioned alcohol exposure, which is more the concern with my kids too, rather than just drugs) and then in the end, you might still have to make a leap and just do it. Or you may decide the unknowns are something you're not able to handle and there is absolutely no shame in that either. We had situations we did turn down.

The bottom line is that there isn't any way to fully know the effects of what prenatal exposure does until a child starts making logical and independent choices in late elementary, early teen life. So I see it as my job to just be their parent and give them what they need no matter what. And be prepared to deal with whatever might happen when/if it does.

Blessings on you...

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by clubJWP

i couldnt agree more with Schmidtkarma, Trust your heart!
Wether the child has been exposed to drugs or not it depends on further how you groom them, most of the child who live in healthy atmosphere are just fin. you just have to see to it wether they allergic to something or not. my advice is "GO FOR IT" you are doing a great deed

JWP
---------

I do agree that in the end, it is a matter of trusting your heart. And I do understand that this is your first post but I have to say that in my experience, prenatal exposure cannot be equated to allergies. There are so many developmental/psychological/generational/etc implications that have to be considered in the decision to parent a child prenatally exposed.

And the whole idea that adopting a child with prenatal exposure is "doing a good deed"... not so much. That is the last reason anyone should adopt.