[daveandmina]

Well, we just got our first call. I have mixed feelings; he is a 6 week old baby boy born with crack in his system and mom admits to drinking while pregnant, however I don't know how much. He was 2 weeks early and weighed 5 lbs. ? ounces. He now weighs 7 lbs. ? ounces. He had difficulty bottle feeding at first but is doing well now. He had no withdrawal symptoms in the hospital and was released within a week. Bmom is young and this is her first baby. We will meet with all the workers on Tues. to hear the full report but that seems to be all the info everyone has as of now.

I've done my research and know the side effects of alcohol. I know they are worst than any other drug. And I know that most people find them the most difficult to deal with. But I have two questions:
1. If this baby does have FAS what will I see specifically? What type of day to day struggles will we have with this child if we decide to adopt him?
2. Would you adopt a child with FAS? Is the heartache too much?

thanks

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by daveandmina

Well, we just got our first call. I have mixed feelings; he is a 6 week old baby boy born with crack in his system and mom admits to drinking while pregnant, however I don't know how much. He was 2 weeks early and weighed 5 lbs. ? ounces. He now weighs 7 lbs. ? ounces. He had difficulty bottle feeding at first but is doing well now. He had no withdrawal symptoms in the hospital and was released within a week. Bmom is young and this is her first baby. We will meet with all the workers on Tues. to hear the full report but that seems to be all the info everyone has as of now.

I've done my research and know the side effects of alcohol. I know they are worst than any other drug. And I know that most people find them the most difficult to deal with. But I have two questions:
1. If this baby does have FAS what will I see specifically? What type of day to day struggles will we have with this child if we decide to adopt him?
2. Would you adopt a child with FAS? Is the heartache too much?

thanks

I understand your concerns. We have adopted two children who had unknown amounts of exposure to substance (crack, alcohol, nicotine, other unknown) during pregnancy. There are so many factors that have to be considered and the truth is, from my understanding, that one can never know the full effect for a child until early adolescence when the child starts to make independent, logical decisions. So many factors go into how the substances affect the child including the amount and timing of use, as well as nutrition and the metabolism of both mother and child. TEsting positive at birth but with no withdrawal symptoms MAY indicate (but I'm no doctor...just a mom) that there wasn't longterm overuse, although that even sounds crazy because even one time use could cause effects if the timing is wrong. I'm sorry that I can't offer anything definite, but I would suggest that you contact a pediatric specialist to discuss, preferably someone with experience in prenatal exposure.

Has the baby been diagnosed specifically with FAS? The only way that would be done would be if the child displays specific facial features. But just because there are no facial features, it doesn't mean that there is no effect. That's way this is considered a "spectrum" diagnosis. You just don't know what the outcome might be and what we did was try to be prepared for the worst case when we open this possibility for our family.

OUr son was negative for substances at birth but went through withdrawal for six weeks. Currently at 19 months he is on par and a tad pessimistic (aka tantrums) and very high-spirited, stubborn and well, very active too, but I think that's personality more than anything and let's face it, he's nearly two and a boy and life is crazy fun at this age!

Our daughter was not tested at birth and has had no known effects to this point. She is almost 4.

And would we do it again? Yes. We just might, depending on how the next year of our lives play out, this time foster-adoption. Our children are amazingly creative and full of life and very, very loving. Will there be heartache in our life at times because our children might struggle? Yes. But not necessarily because they have prenatal exposure. Every child's future is uncertain, full of possibilities good and not so easy to take. There are many on here (see the Special Needs section) whose situations are quite difficult. Read their stories too.

If you've done your research and if the symptoms are something you think you can handle, and you think this might be the child to join your family, then go with your gut.

[Barksum]

FAS is only one specific diagnosis in the fetal alcohol spectrum, and refers to children with the characteristic dysmorphic facial features. Children with FAS may/may not have more serious brain differences than children with FAE (fetal alcohol effect). Children with FAE can have serious brain differences and no facial characteristics associated with FAS. FAS/FAE are very under-diagnosed, and it can be hard to get a 100% definite dx, particularly if the child doesn't have the facial features of FAS.

As to living with a child who has FASD (fetal alcohol spectrum disorders) it can be very difficult, or only mildly so. It depends very much on the individual child and the level of their impairment. Not alot of help, is that? There is no way to really tell until the child gets older as to what kinds of issues they may have.

Working with children early on to make sure that they get the support they need is key. If you recognize what kinds of problems a child MIGHT have and are prepared for them and watch for them, if the child does have problems he then gets the interventions he needs right away. Some children do very well, especially if the parents understand that the child is not being willfully difficult but honestly can't process information as quickly, doesn't make inferences from one point of info to another, etc. etc.

We have 4 children with various levels of exposure. Some we know and have documentation, and one we don't really know but we suspect. Three of our children have 'dysmaturity' which is a big word for being socially/emotionally/developmentally younger than their chronological age. They may be bright and very intelligent, but emotionally younger than their chronological age. We have to give directions to the kids in short, simple, and concrete ways. There are memory issues, and sometimes a disconnect between what they learned yesterday and what they remember today.

We have a child who is very concrete; he doesn't get phrases like 'keep your pants on' as it refers to 'be patient'. He gets upset because he DOES have his pants on, and can't understand why I think he doesn't.... One of my kids has dysfunction of sensory integration, which means that his brain processes information from his senses in an abnormal way. In his case he is hypersensitive to touch. Another of my kids had significant speech delay, basically not talking until he was 4, and then talking more, gaining vocabulary and articulation much the same as a toddler would. Two of my kids have had digestive/reflux problems, and three of them seem to have some sensitivities to some foods.

There's lots of stuff, some I don't probably even recognize because we just deal with it so often now. Here's a web page that has some info: FASCETS They sell a book on that site that I've found helpful called "Trying Differently Rather Than Harder". It talks about different approaches to use with kids who have a different way of processing, understanding, and retrieving information in their brain.

Kids with FASD can do very well, as long as they have the support they need. Some kids with FASD take extra time to 'grow up' and live independently. Instead of being able to move out at age 18 they need extra support and time to mature and may move out in their mid-20's or later. Being willing to live with the unknowns and take each day as it comes is a must. Additionally being able to plan for a couple of different possibly future scenarios is also a good idea. Some kids with FASD may not be able to live entirely independently.

It is a 'spectrum' disorder, though, and you have kids who have very little effect, and others with severe. Doing research and knowing what to look for will be the best way to prepare. Be prepared for the worst, but hope for the best, so to speak.

I can't say that I want to adopt another child with FASD...but I have five kids and feel pretty stretched, so that doesn't really count. I know now that it wasn't what I thought it would be, and that you just can't really know until you are there and doing it. We did say, very specifically, that we didn't want to adopt a child with FASD. (Since we were adopting from foster care, so I don't know WHAT we were thinking....) My kids are just my kids and I don't see them as FASD Kids, but just...mine. We deal with it as it comes and go on. It isn't easy, and I don't know if I would actively choose to do this, but we didn't figure out what we were dealing with until we'd had our first adopted child for 2 years, so by then it didn't really matter; we loved him and would do what it took to meet his needs.

Before our first adoption we did decide to not send our homestudy in on particular kids because they had been identified as FASD and we were scared about that. Now we have 3 or 4 with probable FASD! LOL I think that people can do what they set their minds to do; love a child, deal with their issues, etc. This doesn't mean that the issues are easy, or that loving a child comes without heartache. I don't know what the future holds, so we just live and love in the present, plan to the best of our abilities for the future, and pray, pray, pray that God shows us the best things to do to prepare our kids for adulthood. (ALL of our kids, FASD or whatever.)

[leatherette]

My daughter has FASD. She was diagnosed at age two. We had initially said that we were not open to FASD. Her birthmom said that she did not drink during the pregnancy, but did do a lot of crack and cigarettes. We knew that the hospital was ruling out FAS and Down's syndrome after she was born. We decided to go for it. She is very bright, beautiful, possibly delayed a little physically (age four and lots of wetting issues-not sure if physical or emotional) and emotionally (very clingy and wetting when upset). She is a great kid in general, and if we were having more children, I would be open to FASD.

I am a special ed. teacher, and I also work with kids with FASD. That made me a little more comfortable with the idea as well.

Ann Streissguth wrote a great book about kids with FASD. She is a leading expert on the subject. Her book helped me calm down and put things in perspective after the diagnosis.
L.

[daveandmina]

Thank you everyone for your responses. We decided to go for it. We don't know what the future will hold but we know we love this baby already. And we'll work through whatever lies ahead

[Barksum]

So excited for you! There can be difficulties involved if your child has brain differences, but love is not dictated by circumstances. We have children who love us and are loved in return...what more is there in a family? (Ok, ok, yes, there's more...but you know what I mean! LOL)

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by daveandmina

Thank you everyone for your responses. We decided to go for it. We don't know what the future will hold but we know we love this baby already. And we'll work through whatever lies ahead

Congratulations to you and many, many blessings on your family!