[beth9927]

Hi all. I'm losing my mind with my 18 mth old and just wondering if this is early terrible 2's or something else. He was born with cocaine in his system, but other than reflux has seemed fine. He gradually has become so trying that I'm going crazy. He screams at the top of his lungs a lot, climbs on everything in sight (his brother's bunk bed!, etc) Little things seem to set him off like eating........plus he won't sit in a high chair anymore.....we can't travel more than 15 min. at a time without him screaming his head off....I know this probably is sounding like normal behavior, but I've raised two other children and neither have been so hard to deal with. Anytime I say 'no' he does whatever it is that much more. Any advice, or is this just a phase that's aging me as we speak?

Beth

[tinatyme]

Well, you are the expert on him and his behavior. It sounds like it seems unusual to you. Some of these behaviors sound common and are probably developmentally related but if you feel like it is excessive then you should probably seek out professional advice. Maybe start with your pediatrician and have him evaluated by a therapist or behavior specialist.

I have found that it is better if I don't ignore my hunches and if I pay attention to what is worrying me in regard to my children and seek help immediately. It could turn out to be totally developmentally appropriate but at least you will have additional information at your fingertips.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by beth9927

Hi all. I'm losing my mind with my 18 mth old and just wondering if this is early terrible 2's or something else. He was born with cocaine in his system, but other than reflux has seemed fine. He gradually has become so trying that I'm going crazy. He screams at the top of his lungs a lot, climbs on everything in sight (his brother's bunk bed!, etc) Little things seem to set him off like eating........plus he won't sit in a high chair anymore.....we can't travel more than 15 min. at a time without him screaming his head off....I know this probably is sounding like normal behavior, but I've raised two other children and neither have been so hard to deal with. Anytime I say 'no' he does whatever it is that much more. Any advice, or is this just a phase that's aging me as we speak?

Beth

It could be a phase. It could be just some of his personality. Or it could be related to his prenatal history. If it were me, because he has some exposure, I would have it checked out and followed. But I tend to be cautious that way, to err on the side of doing whatever we can not to try to explain it but to address the behaviors with some type of behavior modification. Regardless, the earlier the better to get a handle on it. Hopeing for the best for you and your son...

[Barksum]

Ah, yes. BTDT. LOL One way to help yourself, and for future evaluations if you decide to have them done, is to journal. Write down the behaviors, what you are doing when he starts screaming, where you were, what you could smell, what kind of light, noise, who/what was touching him, etc.

See if you can find any patterns. Since you are looking for patterns you'd have to write down your observations for a few days, at least, but a couple of weeks or more would be even better.

One way to help determine if what is doing on is abnormal is to try to measure the frequency, intensity and duration of whatever behavior you think is abnormal. So don't say, 'He cries alot'; get specific. He cries EVERY TIME he is re-directed from what he wants to do, and he cries for at least 15 minutes, etc.

Our little guy who was our most frequent crier and violent tantrummer actually turned out to have 'probable dysfunction of sensory integration'. Once we figured out that he was tactilely defensive and perceived every touch as painful, we were able to move forward and help with the triggers for all the tantrums. He still was corrected, redirected, and learned not to do things, but we were able to address those things that we knew were a huge source of fear and frustration for him and knew we were then dealing with true 'normal toddler issues' instead of the sensory integration stuff. (Did that make sense?)

I have found that my drug addicted babies tend to be a little more, um, perseverative. That is they persevere to unusual extents. Instead of just begging for something for the 'normal' 3-5 minutes they will beg and beg and beg for up to 15 minutes at a time. Even walking away and coming back over and over and over. And over.

They also seem to take longer to believe that I mean what I say. Super-extra-ordinary consistancy seems to be the only way they start to 'get it'. If you use time outs for the 30 - 60 seconds with your 2 year old, you need to do this EVERY TIME they do what they aren't supposed to do. Yes, even if that's all you do today. (I don't go one minute for every year of age anymore; mine couldn't seem to do it for that long, perhaps due to developmental/cognitive delays.)

For my guys who didn't want/couldn't obey the rules (no climbing on the bunk bed, for instance) I put knob covers on the door knobs and closed the door, thus avoiding temptation. I locked up ANYTHING that they weren't allowed to touch. Yes, I sometimes feel like I live in Alcatraz. The bathroom door is closed all the time. The stairs are gated. (well, I need a new gate...but they would be if I still had the gate!)

The bedrooms are for sleeping only; all toys are in communal areas of the house. Line of sight supervision is a must.

Respite care is something to explore as well. Dh and I try to get away once every 6 months for two nights away. We try to get out for a 'date' every month...or two. If you are feeling frazzled and burned out you need to get a trustworthy babysitter and go out for a break. NOT because you child is nasty and you don't love them, but because you need to decompress and come back fit to SMILE AND MEAN IT.

(((hugs))) and hope you are able to find the answers soon. That's the other thing; if your 'gut' is telling you that you need some more info about your child, start looking. Also recognize that it may take time and more than one professional's opinion before you get the answers that fit.

[beth9927]

Thank you all. I think maybe he does have sensory issues but am not sure. For instance, he throws a fit when I change his diaper, but one time I skipped the wipes and he was fine. So obviously that bothers him.....Sometimes though it's just about getting his way. Today we went to a restaurant after church. He knew they have banana pudding that he loves and fussed for it until he got it instead of eating any lunch. That's probably just normal behavior, but it's funny to me that he will hold out until he gets what he wants or die. Just like pp said, very persistant almost to the point of being abnormal. It's funny though, for the most part this weekend he's been good as gold. I think he knew I was about to leave him on someone's doorstep with a note 'Please bring him back at age 6'. JUST KIDDDING!
Thank you all again!
Beth

[redfred]

"I think he knew I was about to leave him on someone's doorstep with a note 'Please bring him back at age 6'. JUST KIDDDING!"


I SOOOOO want to start using that line!!!!

Your kiddo sounds a lot like my 2.5 year old. We're identifying lots of sensory issues. I only wish I would have known to start asking questions and insisting on getting help with his behaviors and challenges earlier...

[ranoutofnames]

I remember thinking with my A1 at that age "are all children this full of ENERGY". OMG... I was honestly thinking if all children are like this how in the world do people manage? I was still a fresh faced fparent with little experience raising a child of that age so I had no idea what was going on.

I remember thinking "how does a 15month old know how to undue a crib tent, climb a double tall baby gate, navigate a gate at the bottom of the steps, and make it all the way up to my room in the middle of the night"... AND "scream for two hours in a car"... AND couldn't fall asleep while being rocked or anytime in a car. She was placed at 9months old and we took her on a 6hr car trip and she NEVER fell asleep... just screamed or cried.

My daycare (bless their hearts) was so accomodating to her behaviors to where all of us where honestly to the point of stating "that's just her". The issues were staring us in the face. We were all overlooking the bigger problem.

I'll never forget the day I watched her in a Bible School program made to stand on the end because she was too wiggly. She would lay down on the floor and throw her legs up over her head while singing a song. When she was standing her arms were flailing everywhere... and I cried all the way home knowing my daughter truly has a problem and I allowed too many people (mostly my family) to whisk her behaviors under a rug as just being "active". The next day I truly looked at her school work hanging on the wall next to her peers and I noticed what I had been so reluctant to see (and even typing this it brings tears back to my eyes to remember.)

Even with that revelation it was still another 4months, and a trip to the emergency room where she hurt herself at daycare, before I was emotionally prepared to accept that no amount of changes in parenting, discipline, or diet was going to help her... I had to consider medication.

You're obviously an experience parent and have recognized your child has some behaviors that are not normal for that age. There may not be a lot that can be offered at such a young age but there may be some support and behavioral guidance that can help.

Looking back I really wish I'd had some help from someone who's experienced parenting an ADHD toddler so I could have made my home safer, learned effective parenting techniques for ADHD toddlers, and better prepared me emotinally for when it was safer to utilize medication to help.

... not saying your child's ADHD just saying you're experienced enough to recognize there's something different and encouraging you to have your son evaluated.