[Christians-Mommy]

Our little k is now 2 months old. We have had her for almost a month. I love her dearly and we definitley want to adopt if things go that way.

She was born meth positive and seemed to be doing really well at 5 weeks. But since she came to live with us she has gone from eating fine, to having reflux and from sleeping all the time to crying for sometimes an hour straight. She seems so difficult to keep happy and content. I am getting tired! We are feeding her every two hours, two ounces with some rice cerel. ( per ped.) So sleep is difficult.

From what I have read this seems like normal drug effected baby stuff. Sooo... what are the best ways to handle these things and keep our sanity? We have an almost three year old son also. I am a SAHM so I have lots of time to devote to her. It is just she seems to need to be held all the time. I know we can't parent these little ones like "normal" babies because of their needs so what do we do????

[mom2behappy]

Strapping her to your body, while in the house alot of skin contact will be good for her, also if you dont have a swing get one, the constant motion will soothe her, even using it to lull her to sleep will be good. god bless you, it will get easier.

[mrskllp]

Hi! Our current FS birthmom used crack cocaine while pregnant with him and his grandma had him before us and she said the same thing, he was eating every 2 hours and fussy and she couldn't deal with him and her ill husband so that is why he is with us, but he has never acted out since we have had him like you are describing, but I learned in the foster parenting classes I have taken online that they need a lot of contact and they have a lot of trust issues (even as infants) they also do not like the light so if your house is brighter than normal try closing the blinds or putting a blanket on the window the brightness of the room might have something to do with it! Also, if you don't have a pacifier....... GET ONE! They also have basinetts that swing automatically (like a regular baby swing) if you could find one get one of those and when you put the baby down to sleep they will be swaying back and forth and I learned in the classes that this soothes them! I also learned that noise bothers these babies they cry a lot because of the noise and they go through the same withdraw symptoms adults do!!!(i.e. uncontollable trembling, vomitting, PAIN, sweating, all the same effects as an adult recovering from addiction) I studied this subject because my current FS birth mom is having another child and she is addicted to crack and heroine this time so I had to study up so I would be prepared when the new baby came! Please keep me posted on your babies progress so I will have an idea of what to expect in October! Good Luck to you and they said in my class that it does get better when the withdrawl period is over, just hang in there!!!!!!!!

[Barksum]

Some suggestions in addition to the others are:
infant massage...as tolerated by baby because with a disorganized central nervous system this can sometimes 'center' them a bit better;
swaddling;
those teddy bears that have the heart beat sounds;
talking to your dr. about meds for the reflux (I have two born addicted who were on meds like Zantac from an early age, and one is still on Zantac at almost 3yo);
trying to maintain a (relatively) consistant routine, or as much as possible.

And the baby wearing is a great suggestion. There are some good sling-style baby carriers that work great to cradle the baby and make them feel secure.

Has your dr. considered special formula such as Nutramagen? SUPER expensive, but if your Fd is on WIC you can get your dr to write a prescription and WIC will cover it. We've had little ones with drug and digestive probs who did very well when switched. Also of note is that sometimes when you start to transition the babies to foods they may have some sensitivities to certain things. The two who were on meds for digestive stuff also could not tolerate acidic fruits and no juice at all, unless thinned to about 80% water, 20% juice. The one was so sensitive that he could not tolerate ANY fruit, not just the citrus; bananas, tomatoes, peaches, pears, plums, grapes, raisins, avocados, berries, ketchup, apples, any sauce with any fruit juice or puree. He could tolerate melons, but didn't like them. He outgrew this sensitivity when he was around 3 or 4? somewhere in there. Just before he finally began to talk! LOL

Also might check to see if the baby gets over stimulated easily. Is she sensitive to brighter lights? noises? smells? adult or older child activity in the room? To find out see if she soothes more easily in a softly lit room without direct light or sun; lower the amount of noise and activity around her; that kind of thing. Another way to see if she is sensitive to touch/temperature is to take note if she likes her bath or not. Some kids are overwhelmed by the water and the sensations. Try to keep the temp as close to her body temp if she seems sensitive to cool or warm water.

Hope she is able to feel better and settle down soon. It's so hard when they are little and can't tell you what's the matter. (((hugs)))

[Christians-Mommy]

I went out and bought a swing tonight. She loves it Ahhh I have arms again I got the graco one that swings front to back but has the papasaIn style seat with music and different speeds. It was a bit pricey but I thought if it worked it was an investment I was willing to make. So far so good.

I also started thickening her bottles with rice cereal. This was a suggestion by her doc. She seems more satisfied after her two ounces. I am hopting things will get better. I am going to wear her in the front pack during some of my house work tommorrow and see how she likes that. Thanks for all your support and suggestions. It is nice to have people who understand

It is hard to explain why her needs are so differnent to family members. They just want to touch her and tlak to her and play with her like a normal baby and I have a hard time stopping them even though I know that it is probably overstimulatiing her. Does anyone have any adivice on how to set boundries with people on what can and cannot be done with our precious ones???

[mrskllp]

All you can do is tell them, print off some info on drug addicted infants that explains their behaviors and the things they don't like and had them out! Tell them you understand they love her and want to play with her and hold her, but she is special and right now she doesn't like those things(touch, noise, ect...) and when they come to see her they can't touch her unless you say so! Try that and see if that helps, they have to understand that you aren't being mean, you are just trying to get the baby through this tough time! GOOD LUCK

[marykath]

I agree w/ the above poster about letting friends and relatives know what works and doesn't work with your child. But beware about telling folks about the drug exposure. You don't want them to say anything bad about the child's birthmom, and that sort of thing could easily slip out years down the road if they have this info. This is for you to communicate to your child when and how you see fit. Just say she's sensitive to touch and light and loud noises and leave it at that.

[Barksum]

I told family members more info and gave them boundaries and they respected that as they had some basis of understanding once I explained things. With people who were friends or social acquaintences whom we don't see super often, I told them minimal stuff and just said that right now the child can't ________ (whatever it was that wasn't doable at that time).

For us it was people wanting to hold our foster babies. ALL the ladies I know wanted to hold them and snuggle them, and give them all that love and attention that they felt the child had probably missed. I did make some short explanations about children (even babies) needing to know who the primary caregiver was, and that for awhile we would not be allowing people to hold them because of the child's need for stability.

For my kids with sensory issues I just said that immature central nervous system development meant that this child did not take pleasure in new experiences or sensations, so we were limiting those while his brain caught up. I didn't say how long that would take.... LOL

I've found that if you give a simple one or two sentence explanation people usually understood and followed the boundary rules. It's the same thing that parents of preemies, or children with various health problems encounter.

BUT be prepared for people to smile knowingly and say, 'Oh, look! She's so protective and doesn't want to share. New moms are like that, aren't they?' I just gritted my teeth and smiled thinly.

[kareniniowa]

I am by no means an expert, and I'm just learning as I go along just like most everyone else here. My daughter was not born addicted, but her birthmother admitted to using meth and oxycontin the first 4 months in-utero.

From what I've read, the eating problems, sleep problems, and fussiness are typical. We experienced sleep problems until almost two years old, and she was a very fussy baby. We had to hold her and keep her busy all the time. Like you, I was/am a SAHM.

My daughter sleeps well now (at almost 3 years old), but she is very active and shows aggression toward other kids. We have started seeing a Pediatric Psychologist. Would you believe he told me that the only time kids are affected by meth is when they are still living with drug-using parents, b/c drug users are not good parents?! He lost some credibility in my view for that statement, but he is giving us some useful strategies for turning around the behavior problems. I'll post when I get a chance so that others can try them if they want to.

God bless you for being willing to take any child that God sends your way. We have decided to remain open to a drug-exposed baby for our second adoption, but I have to admit that I am scared. So many of the parents here are dealing with much more severe stuff than we are. I remind myself of Phil. 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".

Best wishes,
Karen

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by Christians-Mommy

I went out and bought a swing tonight. She loves it Ahhh I have arms again I got the graco one that swings front to back but has the papasaIn style seat with music and different speeds. It was a bit pricey but I thought if it worked it was an investment I was willing to make. So far so good.

I also started thickening her bottles with rice cereal. This was a suggestion by her doc. She seems more satisfied after her two ounces. I am hopting things will get better. I am going to wear her in the front pack during some of my house work tommorrow and see how she likes that. Thanks for all your support and suggestions. It is nice to have people who understand

It is hard to explain why her needs are so differnent to family members. They just want to touch her and tlak to her and play with her like a normal baby and I have a hard time stopping them even though I know that it is probably overstimulatiing her. Does anyone have any adivice on how to set boundries with people on what can and cannot be done with our precious ones???

So glad the swing is working for you. It literally saved my life when DS came home to us last summer. He could not tolerate lots of holding unless it was constant movement or swaying so the swing really helped us. I didn't read through all the posts but if you haven't done so already, I would suggest trying to swaddle him. Even in the heat of the summer, we did, using a bed sheet to wrap him up. He was able to calm much better by doing that.

Roo didn't tolerate baby-wearing hardly at all, although I forced in on him "for his own good". I insisted that he be with me, touching me, so he knew me. But with kiddos who are exposed (for Roo and Bug, it is crack cocaine) there has to be a balance between the touch and being left alone. Finding that line is so important.

I would also be careful to limit the amount of stimulation. Roo could not tolerate the flashes and sounds from TV esp in the evenings when it wasn't diffused by lots of sunlight. We used lots of low level classical music (it soothed us too) and turned his swing so it wasn't facing the TV. It made a huge difference for him, in our case.

As for setting boundaries, I used the "we are bonding" excuse and didn't allow alot of holding. Roo just didn't tolerate it. OTOH though, if you have someone you trust, make sure you are taking care of yourself, getting time to yourself. For me, the first several months were so very hard and I was stubborn enough to think that I could do it all myself. I didn't want to bother anyone. To be honest, I am still paying the price of that decision in my health and level of exhaustion. In the process of taking care of your little one, make sure you take care of you as well.

[Christians-Mommy]

Well the last month has gone better. We are up to three ounces of formula mixed with cereal I am concerned about her developement though. She is having a screening this week but just thought I would ask all of you who have kinda been there what you think?

K turned three months on the 19th. As far as I know she was not premature or anything. She doesn't look at peoples faces hardly at all. She is smiling but hardley ever at people more over either my left or right shoulder or to the side. I have never seen any sign of hand regard. Her movements are still uncoordinated and jerky. She cannot lift her head at all, off the floor while on her tummy. I am really starting to get concerned. We do tummy time several times a day but she just screams and falls asleep. Since I had a preemie with my ds who is now almost three I am big on watching for developmental milestones.

Has anyone else experienced these kinds of things? I am worried about her eyes as well since I think one of them kinda turns into the middle alot.

Any advice or opinions would be great.

[Barksum]

We have a child who was born addicted to drugs, namely heroin, but there was muli-substance abuse. He was evaluated at about 4 months old, I think, and functioned at about the 1 - 1 1/2 month level. He also had digestive/eating issues that didn't fully resolve until late toddlerhood. He had significant speech delay and is still working on articulation. Now at age 6 he still has some developmental lags (mild social and cognitive) but is doing GREAT.

With an actively involved caregiver most of these little ones overcome many of their hurdles within the first couple of years of life. Our little guy was doing GREAT at 12 months, but never did babble or coo. (speech delay...evident even as an infant) He didn't walk until 16 months, which is still 'average', but he hasn't stopped since! He is very coordinated and has great gross motor skills. It is amazing when you look back over his files and remember ALL that he has overcome! But that smile and his personality are and always have been fully developed.

So what I'm saying (I lost my first reply into cyberspace somewhere ) is that while you shouldn't panic, you should push for evaluations and screenings. Drug exposed infants often have delayed central nervous systems, digestive/feeding issues, vision probs, etc. So do work to get whatever services you believe your little one needs.

You might request an eval by a developmental pediatrician. They can get you rolling on what services your baby needs.

Keep posting with updates.

[Becki_in_IN]

Early Intervention can help immensely. Baby K has PT once a week and as soon as he gets home he will have OT as well. His current foster mom says that one week of doing the exercises the PT gave and his head control improved immensely. I agree with the Dev. Ped. suggestion.

[Christians-Mommy]

Well she had her deveolpmental eval. I haven't recieved the full report but I know that she did test with some areas of concern. I had her eyes screened and I am waiting on the results from that also.

The deveolpmental specialists agree that something must be going on with her eyes since she so behind and doesn't see things that she should.

We are working on using her other senses to recognize us by saying the same thing before we pick her up and also touching her with a little gesture. We are also laughing and clapping and talking more excitedly instead of just smiling so much. I am shaking her bottle and talking to her so she knows it is time to eat ect. These are just some things the developmental specialists suggested.

Has anyone had any of the drug exposed infants, have eye problems? If so how did you handle it and what were they able to do?

How about infant massage? She is not sensitive touch, she actually love certain types of contact. Nothing to light but more firm. Has anyone used infant massage with their little ones? This is also something suggested by the specialist.


Thanks

[mamakristen]

When our 3 year old son came home with us we did not permit anyone to visit with us for at least 6 months. Even at church, he came with us to Sunday school class. People wondered why not just put him in his toddler class. They thought it was selfish, but after they read our reactive attachment book; they understood that he needed to know that we were the main people to meet his every need. Sometimes you just need to be firm because you know what is best for your child.