[mande47977]

I am interested in domestic adoption as well as international... have just recently started to think domestic... Does anyone have any experience with domestic? Do you have to adopt from your state? do you need any agency? are the costs as much as international? Do you have to foster? I found a waiting child list and saw several sibiling groups that I would love to inquire about but there is not a number to call or any information. I can't find the amount of info on this process that I found on international..... Thanks!

[DianeS]

Welcome! Here's a primer course so you can at least narrow your questions down:

First, there are two ways to adopt "domestically". One is the traditional way, adopting a newborn child from parents who chose to place that child for adoption. The other is adopting through foster care, where you adopt a child who has been removed from his parents because the parents abused or neglected him.

MOST people adopt the traditional way, a newborn child placed by his parents, so I'll talk about that first.

Costs can be just about anything. Some people have adopted for $5,000 (a few have adopted for less), and others have spent upwards of $30,000. So figure out your budget, make decisions to stay within that budget, and then decline situations that cost more.

You will, at a minimum, need a lawyer. Some states require thieir residents not only have a lawyer, but an agency. You will need a homestudy as well, your state will say who can do the homestudy for you - an independent social worker or an agency. Your state will also determine how you can find someone who wishes to place their child - whether you can advertise, hire a facilitator to advertise, or only apply for situations already advertised by agencies.

Once you know all that, and have whatever professionals you need, you wait to be picked by someone making an adoption plan for their child. You can sign up to be picked by someone who is still pregnant, or only times when the baby is already born. You can sign up to be picked by only people expecting a healthy child, or for one expected to be exposed to drug or alcohol in utero, or one that is expected to have health problems. Make your own decisions about what you can take on and what you can't.

After you and the expectant parents match up so that everyone expects that you will adopt the child, you have to learn the laws for adopting that particular child. Perhaps both parents willingly sign for you to adopt him. Or perhaps one parent is AWOL and your lawyer has to follow laws to find that parent. Perhaps you can't ever find that parent and have to follow the laws for an absent parent. And so on. This is why you need a good lawyer.

One of the biggest areas where costs vary is when you decide whether you will provide the money for pregnancy related costs to the expectant mother. Or costs associated with child birth. Or recovery. Etc. Your state will have laws covering what you are permitted to pay for - some allow you to pay for anything, some put a dollar cap on it, others say you can only pay a limited amount for certain things. Again this is where your lawyer will be useful.

If the child is born in a different state, there will be extra paperwork, and a longer wait before the child is temporarially yours. It's called "ICPC" which stands for the Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children. Its where the two states agree that the child is being legally adopted and can legally cross state lines for that purpose.

And then finalization will occur, again in accordance with your state laws (and the ICPC agreement).

Lots of details, which is why you need a good lawyer.

Now, for adoptions from foster care:

FEW people choose to adopt this way. One reason is that it is extremely rare that a healthy newborn is available for adoption through foster care. Sure foster parents can get placed with a healthy newborn, but that child's parents still get a chance to prove they can learn better and non-abusive ways to parent, and get the child returned to them. So that child is in foster care, but not available for adoption. That child may become available later, but it's usually a year or more later that that happens.

Sure it happens occasionally that a healthy newborn is available for adoption, but that's very very rare and shouldn't be counted on unless you have a lot of patience - as in years of patience.

But for those who choose to adopt through foster care, the cost is nearly free. Most people spend only a couple hundred dollars, if that. Most states have ways to get even that much reimbursed.

LIke traditional adoption, you need a homestudy. It's provided nearly free of charge, but can only be used for an adoption from foster care. You also need to take a series of classes, and get additional hours of training that your state requires. Each state requires a different number of hours, and a differen type of training.

Once licensed, you can choose the type of child you want to adopt - race, sex, age, number of siblings, behavioral issues, mental health issues, prior sexual abuse, etc. But caseworkers routinely ignore what you've signed up for, and call with children outside that range. You have to really know your own limits and stick to them.

You can also decide whether you want to foster child who might be returned to bio parents, or decide whether you want to wait to be matched with a child is is likely to become available for adoption. Some states allow you to wait for a child who is already available for adoption, but not all of them do. (Some states have judges who simply will not terminate the bio parents rights until AFTER the children are in a home that will adopt them. And terminating those bio parents rights is never a given. So adopting from foster care always carries the risk of losing the child back to bio family.)

Different states require different things from their foster families. Some call all people who want to either foster children or adopt children from foster care "foster parents", and refer to any time a foster child spends with them as "fostering". Others call those who wish to adopt "pre-adoption parents", and refer to the time before finalization of the adoption the "pre-adopt" time. But it amounts to the same thing - wanna-be parents have a child in their home who is a foster child, and the adoption is not yet finalized. What they call it doesn't usually matter, so don't get hung up on the term. You will have to spend at least 6 months with the foster child in your home before you can finalize the adoption - whether they call it "fostering" the child or not is going to differn by state.

As for photolistings of waiting children, they are almost always for children in foster care. Some traditional agencies use them for children they are having a hard time placing into families - children who have significant special needs or who have extremely high costs for their adoption. But almost all of the waiting child listings will be for children in foster care.

I'm sure I missed a lot, but that should help. Good luck!