[willowmft]

Hi all,
I've been reading the posts for quite a while now and have learned so much from all of you. I'm hoping for any input anyone might have since my husband and I are still fairly new to the adoption process and seem to have fallen backward into a match.

We signed up for a handful of pay-at-match agencies and referral services about 2-3 weeks ago. We were told by each that our profile would not be shown to any birthmom without our first asking to be presented. To date, we've never asked to be presented to any birthmom situations (so our profile should never have been sent out to anyone). So - last week, we get a phone call that a birthmom picked us. We were like "Huh!?" This agency kept trying to convince us that we had asked to be presented (which we know we didn't) and wanted us to tell them whether we'd accept the match that same night. We said we needed to think about it and would call them back the next day. We did, and they then admitted that they realized that they presented our profile to the birthmom by mistake.

First - has this happened to anyone else? It makes us nervous that maybe this agency is not professional (we have read both positive and negative reviews on them) or that, even worse, maybe the birthmom doesn't even exist. We are skeptical by nature. If everything is on the up and up and it was just a mistake that we were presented, we're hoping it was a lucky mistake!

Next - since we had never heard anything about this birthmom before, we wanted more info before agreeing to the match. Our criteria is a healthy, caucasian birthmom with no tobacco/alcohol/drugs. What is ok to ask for before match in terms of getting "proof" of these criterion? (We know there is never a total guarantee since not all drugs/alcohol can even be detected through testing.) We received the general paperwork the birthmom filled out, but there was nothing on there about communicable diseases. So we asked for the medical records and proof of pregnancy before agreeing to the match or paying any fees... which they agreed to get to us but that we are still waiting for a week later. Is it reasonable or unreasonable that we asked for these things? We'd just like a little perspective from those who have been there since the agency is making us feel like we're asking for too much. Every time we call them to see if they have any updates on getting this info to us, they seem frustrated, short, and fairly rude. Is that just par for the course, or is it unusual and a red flag?

We are so interested and hopeful about this situation but just a little thrown about how it came to us. Any input is greatly appreciated!

Thanks

[furrybluemom]

I hope you are feeling more comfortable today. I would be very careful about matching with an agency that is not kind and supportive. They need to be there through the rollercaoster of emotions for your and potential birthmom. Good luck.

[BeanyJenn]

My DH and I are just starting to look into agencies. Can I ask what Agency, City/State you are using??

[alewis1976]

Hi All:

My husband and I are thinking of working with ANLC. Does anyone have any information they can give me....Bad and good. Feel free to email privately as well.

thank you so much for any info you can give us.