[sugarmuffin]

Hello everyone,

I am 42 and blessed to be a new mother of a 3 month old. I always considered myself "young" looking but if one more person asks me is that "your grandbaby" I just may crock. Can anyone relate?

[vegaschristina]

I'm 38. I was floored when someone asked if my 5 year old was my granddaughter.

[Gs_Mom]

Oh yes. We can relate. It hasn't happened to me (44), but it has happened to my DH (45). He is pretty grey, which doesn't help. I imagine it will get worse once my 2 DS's are older and in school and sports, etc.

[Canadamom92]

I get the opposite - people often assume my oldest dd is my sister. Sometimes you have to laugh, but it does get annoying.

I had a department store photographer almost launch herself over the counter when our oldest came into the studio and started talking to our younger two. She was very suspicious as to why this young woman would be talking to my children.

Dd and I were shopping one day at a festival, and a vendor got belligerent with us, stating that he thought it was b.s. that she was my daughter and that he wouldn't believe it until I showed him my id. Needless to say no id was forthcoming.

Dd often gets embarassed when she walks with us, because if she's holding her baby sister's hand people often give her the dirtiest looks.

[startedover]

YES! sometimes I laugh it off and sometimes I want to scream. And I have a 19 year old daughter so it even makes it look more realistic for my 22 month old to be my granddaughter. But I think what gets me even more is when I say "no I am her mother" and they say, "boy I am glad I don't (didn't) have a baby at that age" or boy I am glad mine are already out of the house so I can enjoy my age". ENJOY all you want, you aren't getting butterfly kisses every 30 mintues.

[qs mom]

I'm 44 and was picking up my son from Awana at Church a couple weeks ago. He had a difficult night. The woman at Church told the leader "I already talked to his grandma about it". I said, I'm not that old. I'm not really old enough to be his grandma, I'm his mom. He's 8!

[CaddoRose]

I'm 45 and FD is 2.5 and FS is 1. I haven't had the comment about being grandma, but I can tell people are thinking it! Some people have wondered how we do it "at this age", which cracks me up. When they had kids in their 20's, I was traveling the world and playing music and doing whatever I wanted. Now, I'm settled, own my home and have money and stability so I can enjoy being a parent. I wouldn't have it any other way.

[sugarmuffin]

Thanks everyone!!! I feel so young and so grateful for my little one that people just need to buzz off. I got her at three days and it is the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. I guess I will try to just smile and keep moving and not let it get to me so much.

[minibus]

When I was in high school, my best friend (I think we were 16 or 17 at the time) had a younger brother who was 4 or 5 (but also small for his age). We were at practice and a coach referred told my friend's brother to go to "Grandma" (her mom). Poor Mom! She must have only been in her early 40s at the time.

[Free_to_be_me]

My birthdaughter's biological paternal grandmother is actually seven years younger than her adoptive mom...The adoptive mom I picked was only three years younger than my own mom...Biologically, she could have been mom or grandma.

[Bamamom07]

I'm 43 and often told I don't look old enough to have 21 year old kids, but I do. My youngest (also birth son) is 4. Can't tell you how many times I've been out with one of my 21 year old twins and 4 year old, and people assumed my littlest was the twin's son! What's really something is when they assume I'm married to my 21 year old and the 4 year old is our baby! I frequently make a point of calling the twins and the little one "son" in public. Because we have a family of his, hers, and ours (3 different ethnic groups), plus foster to adopt kids of another ethnicity, we do get a lot of looks!

[BrandyHagz]

You know - yesterday I was walking to my car and there was a woman who was holding what looked like a brand new baby - so I stopped and ooh'd and aah'd and said, "How old is he/she?" and she said, "She's just a month old" and I said, "awww, is she your first?" and she looked at me like I had a third eye and said, "You think I'm her mother? I am far to old to be her mother! This is my first grandbaby!"

So - it comes from both sides. People here have taught me not to assume - but that assumption can clearly go both ways.

So, what is a non-offensive way to comment? How could I have been more graceful? Is this a darned if you do and darned if you don't type situation? It sure seems that way.

[Betelnut]

Happens to me all the time. I'm 46 and adopted Iva a year ago when she was 1 1/2 years old.

Since I am really old enough to be her grandma, I guess I can't feel too insulted!

[Happy123]

I don't get that comment, but my 17 year old often gets mistaken for our 3 years old mother. It is so funny how upset she gets. When we brought our youngest son home, I would get stares and people would tell me they had no idea I was pregnant. (Lol). But, at play group on Mother's Day they gave a gift to the youngest and oldest mother. Of course, I had to be the oldest. The funny thing was if it was 17 years ago and they asked, I would have been the youngest.
Happy123

[qs mom]

Brandy - it is ****ed if you do/****ed if you don't.

If you ask 'ooh is he/she yours?' to avoid the parent/grandparent issue, you step on toes as far as 'of course my adopted child is MINE'.

There really is no graceful way. But I would rather be a grandma and be thought a mom than the other way around

I wanted to approach an adoptive family at Church. I knew that they were an Internationally adoptive family, like mine, because the parents were caucasian, little girl Asian. But being having formed our family through International adoption made me feel connected to them in a way. So, I did approach them. I don't remember how, but apparently I wasn't offensive. I think I asked if they were a Holt Family, as we are.