[waitingforanangel]

Hello,

Is it common for the adoptive parents and birthmother/birthparents to have multiple meetings prior to the birth, or is one meeting more common? Our agency is asking us what we are willing to do, and I don't know what is normally done as far as meetings.

Thank you!

Cathy

[kelceesmom]

We only met once prior to the birth but only because it was a 6 hours drive. We had a relatively short waiting period also. Our baby was born about 3 months after we matched. I think you will find all different situations. I don't think you will really know until it is your time. Lots of things come into play.

[jpchief2]

We met twice. We had one initial meeting, then when we met our son the birthparent was there. It has been a wonderful experience. If you plan to do an open adoption it doesn't hurt to get to know them. I would say "Whatever the birthmother/family is comfortable with"

[blessedbybug]

If it were me, and there was time, I would have as many meetings as possible, just to get to know them. We had planned at least one time together a week when we matched the first time. That was changed by DD's earlier than planned arrival within 48 hours of meeting her Mom the first time.

With DS, we met his family once before birth and had planned another meeting, but plans were limited as they lived several hours away. We tried to talk on the phone during that time a couple times a week. DS was born two weeks after we met his parents.

[loveajax]

We live relatively close to DD's birth parents. We met in person three times before DD was born (twice with the SW, and once without (where we proceeded to make fun of the SW the whole night...whoops!)).

It was important for DD's birth parents to really get to know us, I think. And it was great for us to get to know them, and I think our pre-birth meetings have helped our open adoption experience because we "know" each other pretty well.

On the other hand, I think it is important not to try to "force" meetings...everyone is different!

Good luck!!

[JustCourtney]

I don't know if there is a "normal". Our agency called and told us we were matched, and gave us our emom's number. They said that we were free to talk or meet as much or little as we wanted.

Our emom is about 150 miles from us, so our time together has to be planned. After talking regularly (almost daily) for a couple of weeks, we have drove down to meet her and brought her back to visit some of her friends (a friend drove her back the next week). While she was near us, we went on a double date with her and her boyfriend. I also drove down and took her to a Dr. appointment, then lunch and to run errands one day last week. I am also planning on taking her to her other appointments (she doesn't have transportation and could use the support). From what I understand this is much more contact then most families have, but it is working for us! I am enjoying the time we spend together and hope that we are laying the foundation for better communication later.

[sugarmuffin]

I am so glad you asked the question because I have been kinda struggling with this myself. I am leaning towards little to no meetings.Am I strange or what? Maybe in time I may change but at this time I want to keep meetings at a minimum.......

[rredhead]

Originally Posted by sugarmuffin

I am so glad you asked the question because I have been kinda struggling with this myself. I am leaning towards little to no meetings.Am I strange or what? Maybe in time I may change but at this time I want to keep meetings at a minimum.......

I don't know that you're strange. You might want to ask yourself why you don't want much pre-birth contact. Are you afraid that you might say or do something to offend the expectant mother? Are you worried that you might somehow coerce her into placing the child? I've heard some parents (adoptive and birth) who have said that prior contact makes it harder for an expectant mom to change her mind. Are you just worried that you might not get along or have anything in common?
There are a lot of reasons why you may be hesistant about meetings. Understanding why may make you feel better.