[minibus]

Hello,

I am new here (I've been lurking off and on for a little while). My DH and I are pursuing domestic adoption. We will officially be "waiting" in just a couple of weeks - we have a commitment that will be over at the end of February and could not accept a placement before then - and I'm starting to get nervous!! I'd love to talk with other parents who are at similar stages in the process!

We told our adoption worker that we are open to 1 or more children, anywhere from newborn to 3 years old. As we talk to more people, it seems like that is a larger range than most people are used to. Does anyone else have this experience? How did you prepare?

Michelle in WA

[KIC1975]

Michelle,
We are just wrapping up our paperwork and waiting for our home study to finish up then we will be ready too. We are working with a facilitator and have agreed to age from birth to age 4 (our DS is 4 and we wanted him to remain the oldest child). And also a sibling group. We didn't specify how many kids in a sibling group, but we would probably consider 2, maybe 3. Though, since we are going through a facilitator instead of an agency I'm guessing we have a greater chance of a single child placement. We are also in WA! :-)
We are hopeful that we will get a quick match, but so is every PAP! lol
Good luck

[minibus]

KIC,

What does a facilitator do? What are you doing to prepare? I'm confused as to what to buy, what to tell my family to buy (they all want to help, but I can't really have them buy newborn clothes when I don't know if we're going to get a newborn or a 3 year old). Do you expect to have to travel? What did your facilitator tell you about the chances of getting a sibling group / non-newborn?

I'm trying to compare notes... When you only get one perspective, it's hard to figure out if that's just that one person's opinion...

[KIC1975]

I sent you a PM...

[waiting_in_michigan]

By "officially waiting" do you mean that you will be on the waiting list then or that you will be matched then? We are approved and on the waiting list and are now networking and looking for a birthmom. Our agency also sends our profile out as they have birthmoms come in or as they get requests from clinics or wherever.

I have been having a really rough weekend. My mom told me that my step-sis is pregnant. She just got married in Sept. and they got pregnant as soon as they started trying. I am happy for her, but at the same time very sad. I have been crying off and on since yesterday morning. I could really use the support of other folks who are waiting as well!

We said birth to age 1. This is our first child and I really want the whole "baby" experience at least once. We plan to adopt at least one more child and will consider a little older child then. But we want our first child to be older than the next child we adopt as well. I went to the first Waiting Family meeting this week with my MIL. DH was sick so wasn't able to go with me I am slowly getting the baby's room ready....painting anyway. It is going to remain an office until we are matched and actually moving forward. I just couldn't handle looking at the baby's room indefinitely....

[waiting_in_michigan]

What does PAP mean? Prospective Adoptive Parent (just guessing!)

[KIC1975]

Waiting in Michigan, Yep, PAP = prospective adoptive parent :-)
For years I hated hearing about pregnancies. It's tough. Adopting our first child helped that some.

[minibus]

Waiting in Michigan ... By officially "waiting", I meant that we are waiting to be matched. We don't do the networking ourselves, our agency does that for us. We did do a profile book with information about ourselves and pictures and they will show that book to birthfamilies.

I also have a difficult time with pregnant women, especially given that DH and I went through a lot of infertility treatment. How was your Waiting Family meeting? Are you adopting domestically as well?

[rredhead]

If you're adopting privately - that is, not through foster care - then chances are you're going to get a newborn or close to it. There are some states that contract with agencies to essentially adopt out foster children, so I suppose you could be signed with one of those.

In terms of getting ready, you should just do whatever you're comfortable with. Getting a room ready is relatively age-independent. You can paint a bright color, add some accessories, and then you have a start. You can also research baby and young child options, so that when you know what you're having, you can easily register for or buy what you'd like to have.

A facilitator basically matches expectant moms with prospective adoptive parents. They are illegal in some states. Some people, myself included, feel that you have to be VERY CAREFUL when working with facilitators, as they are not regulated as closely as agencies. We used a facilitator, and we ended up paying thousands of dollars in unforeseen fees, despite the fact that we were assured all expenses were covered.

Good luck on your adoption journey!

[waiting_in_michigan]

We are adopting domesticaly and are considered "waiting". We wrote a profile with pictures as well and the agency keeps those on file and sends them out to birthparents, pregnancy centers, etc. However, they also encourage networking as well. They are a fairly small agency (only 23 waiting families..though 2 or 3 of those are already matched) but handle adoption throughout the state and do interstate and international adoptions as well. But their fees are more spelled out and more reasonable than a larger agency that we looked at (which I know has about 100 waiting families right now).

Our agency said that about 1/3 of the time they find the bmoms, 1/3 of the time it is word-of-mouth and the other 1/3 it is the PAP's networking efforts.

Our Waiting Family meeting was interesting. DH wasn't able to go b/c he had the flu so my MIL went with me. There were only 4 other couples there and it was basically a Q&A with the agency director answering and explaining. But there was a little discussion between the parents...I think it was mostly directed at the the director b/c we didn't know each other at all and she was leading hte meeting. We talked about networking..what to say, where to go... what happens at the hospital (most of us will be taking babies home right from the hospital), safe delivery babies, different situations couples had heard about, and handling questions that people ask (both rude/ insensitive things and also handling always being asked how it is going when it is getting too much to deal with that question all the time). So it was interesting and I think worthwhile.

[waiting_in_michigan]

Originally Posted by rredhead

A facilitator basically matches expectant moms with prospective adoptive parents. They are illegal in some states. Some people, myself included, feel that you have to be VERY CAREFUL when working with facilitators, as they are not regulated as closely as agencies. We used a facilitator, and we ended up paying thousands of dollars in unforeseen fees, despite the fact that we were assured all expenses were covered.

Good luck on your adoption journey!

Our agency warned us about facilitators too. Sometimes they are advertised as "non-placement agencies" and are not all up front about what they do and who they are. They don't always make it clear that you will still need an agency or lawyer to do the adoption for you. That came up in our Waiting Family meeting b/c one of hte couples signed on with one. The other caution is that facilitators will often find matches that are in a different state than you are (b/c they are searching nation-wide) so there will be additial travel expenses to think about.