[bbyfaith]

Has anyone chosen an independent adoption as opposed to an agency adoption?

Why did you make this choice? What info did you use to make the decision? How did you advertise? How did you choose a lawyer? Approx. how much did it cost?(there is very little info on the net about this!) Were there any unforseen expenses from birthmother, etc? Any and all info would be extremely appreciated!

Dh and I are trying to decide between an agency adoption and an independent adoption. I am SO frustrated trying to find info, there isn't a whole lot out there, and the info I CAN find is pretty vague!

TIA!!!

[boxersx4]

Has anyone chosen an independent adoption as opposed to an agency adoption? Yes we did and the only regret is that we should of done it earlier..

Why did you make this choice? What info did you use to make the decision? How did you advertise? How did you choose a lawyer? Approx. how much did it cost?(there is very little info on the net about this!) Were there any unforseen expenses from birthmother, etc? Any and all info would be extremely appreciated!
Dh and I are trying to decide between an agency adoption and an independent adoption. I am SO frustrated trying to find info, there isn't a whole lot out there, and the info I CAN find is pretty vague!
We were with an agency for about ten years did the classes, home studies every stinking year and the last year we asked again if our profile had been shown.. NOPE in all that time were never shown to a potental bmom. So we placed a webpage up on the net and it took time and we now have a healthy four year old boy.. Kawyers.. we have a friend who is a lawyer and he did our part free, since it was involving Interstate compact she had to have her own lawyer. By the time we paid for all medical, living expences, travel, all legal fees everything it cost us 23,000. However you can ask your bmom if she would be willing to get on state assistance (our bmom refused) that would take it down a chunk and then you can set a limit as to what you would pay for living, we said since we are paying all medical only a 1000 and she was fine with that.
Now I will warn you if you were to go on your own and do a independant adoption and did a webpage and all that fun stuff.. You might be scammed, we were three times... just a warning...
bvest of luck
Joyce

[powderpiggy]

We chose independant/private adoption. As you can tell from our ticker we are fairly early in the process and have not yet adopted. We have however spoken with an eparent but decided that it was not the right situation for us.

We did a fair amount of homework before deciding to choose this route. We spoke with people who had adopted domestically through and agency and independantly, we talked to people who adopted internationally. We asked questions, listened to their stories, and collected references.

While I realize that everyone's adoption experience is different it helped to talk with people have experienced different types of adoption.

We decided that there were a lot of pros to independant adoption. Those that appealed to us the most was the cost, and the control. That is, more of the process is within our control. All the networking can be a lot of work, but you feel like you are donig something.

We did however meet with an attorney (recommended to us by a friend) and discuss our options with him before deciding.

From what I can tell, using an agency does not guarantee that you will be matched with a child any faster than working independantly. Our friends that adopted two childeren were matched and placed with a child in 6 months (using and agency) and matched and placed with a child in 1 month idependantly. So it can happen.

Feel free to PM me if you want more information about our choice and what we are doing to network. But I would also recommend contacting attorneys and agencies to help you weigh your options.

K

[c4yourself]

We chose to do an independent adoption, primarily because at our ages (mid-40's) we were told it would be about 2 yrs until we were matched. We went to a few adoption seminars, which I would recommend doing, and selected an attorney we felt comfortable with. However, I'm feeling somewhat lost now that we have to get the word out that we're looking for a bmom. I'm wondering why bmoms would choose to do an independent adoption, rather than going to an agency and having profiles shown to them? So, I'm wondering how to get our profile out there.

Have any adoptive parents out there had success putting profiles online? Our attorney told us that she does not recommend it and that we should do primarily print advertising. I liked the idea of being able to be more proactive, and am feeling somewhat frustrated that I'm not getting the support in that.

[ModernDayBradyBunch]

Originally Posted by c4yourself

We chose to do an independent adoption, primarily because at our ages (mid-40's) we were told it would be about 2 yrs until we were matched. We went to a few adoption seminars, which I would recommend doing, and selected an attorney we felt comfortable with. However, I'm feeling somewhat lost now that we have to get the word out that we're looking for a bmom. I'm wondering why bmoms would choose to do an independent adoption, rather than going to an agency and having profiles shown to them? So, I'm wondering how to get our profile out there.

Have any adoptive parents out there had success putting profiles online? Our attorney told us that she does not recommend it and that we should do primarily print advertising. I liked the idea of being able to be more proactive, and am feeling somewhat frustrated that I'm not getting the support in that.

I am a birthmother (I've placed two sons) and I can answer one of your questions - why a bmom would choose independent over agency.

We used one of the BIG agencies with our 2nd bson. We just found out we're pregnant again and called the agency, but they won't let us start the process until we're in our 7th month. We want to match with a family much sooner to build a relationship with them and have them be a part of the pregnancy. So we're choosing independent.

I wanted to point out that just as you don't know where to network, we don't know where to look for profiles, either! I did find one of the big sites (thanks to a member here that steered me in that direction) but it has WAY too many profiles on there and so I haven't looked at any because I'm finding it a bit overwhelming. It's hard to find individual private homepages unless you know where to look.

Good luck with your networking!

[c4yourself]

Thanks. Let me know if I can be of help in any way. I took a look at your blog and I have to say I admire your stamina in raising 6 children. By the way, Forrest Gump is one of my favorite movies too..it shows you can get through anything with faith and a sense of humor.. I also am a big reader and loved "she's come undone' but haven't read Wally Lamb's other book yet..

Also love EE Cummings poem you quoted..my eyes swelled when cameron diaz read it in the movie, In her Shoes.

Thanks for your perspective on adoption; based on your comment maybe I will think twice about putting our profile on the site.

[StacyKelly2]

We did a private adoption. We had wanted to adopt children for years, and unfortunately the cost were so outrageous through agencies. Through friends of friends just by word of mouth anyone who knew us knew we wanted to adopt. Luckily a friend of my mom's forwarded our information over to a birth mom who was interested in us. After years of longing to adopt and just endless prayers we were finally blessed. I was given a phone number to talk to the birth mom, which was the most scariest thing I could have done. I remember dialing the number my heart racing..and just let my emotions and feelings go, she was the easiest person to talk with. We decided to meet the birth mom, she was still early in her pregnancy like 8 weeks. We got to know each other by attending the doctors appointments. We could not have been blessed with a more loving and caring and just wonderful birth mom. Our son is now a little over 2 we still communicate with the birth mom-and she is just our angel. Our son is just the greatest blessing!! We did run into complications with the birth father. Wavering in his decision-so this was a contested adoption (which will run into more money) however, after 2 years our adoption was finalized. We send pictures and updates and call one another - We will always hold a special place in our hearts for our son's birth mom! My adice to you is advertise as much as you can- have an attorney - and tell everyone you are interested in adoption. God Bless