[Jazzi]

Hi all,
I am not new to this site, but have been doing more lurking than posting:i. I am always so impressed at how well informed you all are on various situations. Perhaps you can help us. Here's our situation...... DH and I were recently (11/20) presented with a 7 month old healthy female situation. PBM & Dad want to place this infant within the next 7 days. After years of Infertility struggles I always thought that we would be more than ready for this day. Instead we are shaking in our shoes. We have oh so many questions. Right now we have very limited info about the parents. All we know is that finances appears to be the #1 reason for immediate placement. Our SW has stated that the baby is healthy and doing well. Mom has no hx of drugs/alcohol etc. This couple is not interested in meeting with us, neither are they interested in any further contact beyond placement.

We are appealing to each of you to give us your thoughts on this situation. We are delighted to be considered, but feel that we need to have as much information as possible to share with the baby now as well as in years to come. We have requested a phone conference and/or a face-to-face mtg, but our request has been denied. Are we asking for too much? This is our first real inquiry from the agency after only 6 weeks of being H/S approved.

We would appreciate any thoughts that you might have on this situation.

Thanks!
Jazzi

[kelceesmom]

First congratulations! Although open adoption would be my preference would I pass up being able to bring home a beautiful baby? NO. I would leave all my info with the agency and have them pass this on to the bparents for future contact if it came about. If you move, change phone numbers, etc update the agency. One day they might change their minds. There are always reasons why our time is now. Good luck in your journey and keep us posted.

[StorkWatcher]

Congatulations on the potential match!

Perhaps you can request a semi-open relationship for the future with no direct contact, but to go only through the agency. At least you would have the option of contacting each other if an emergecy arises.

This is what we have, and while our son's birthmom doesn't contact us, I regularly send updates and photos to the agency for her. And in one emergency case, our agency was able to get in touch w/ her and ask her a medical question for us. That was very helpful.

And it keeps the door open for future contact that might be more than what it is now. I'm still hoping that at some point we might hear from our son's birthmom. And we know when he turns a certain age, he'll have access to more info than we have now, in case he has questions.

[HappyTwinsMom]

StorkWatcher makes a good suggestion about requesting semi-open with contact through the agency. That was how our relationship began with our daughters' birthmom. When they were a year old, we started having direct contact and our relationship is now completely open.

Congratulations on the potential match!

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by Jazzi

Hi all,
I am not new to this site, but have been doing more lurking than posting:i. I am always so impressed at how well informed you all are on various situations. Perhaps you can help us. Here's our situation...... DH and I were recently (11/20) presented with a 7 month old healthy female situation. PBM & Dad want to place this infant within the next 7 days. After years of Infertility struggles I always thought that we would be more than ready for this day. Instead we are shaking in our shoes. We have oh so many questions. Right now we have very limited info about the parents. All we know is that finances appears to be the #1 reason for immediate placement. Our SW has stated that the baby is healthy and doing well. Mom has no hx of drugs/alcohol etc. This couple is not interested in meeting with us, neither are they interested in any further contact beyond placement.

We are appealing to each of you to give us your thoughts on this situation. We are delighted to be considered, but feel that we need to have as much information as possible to share with the baby now as well as in years to come. We have requested a phone conference and/or a face-to-face mtg, but our request has been denied. Are we asking for too much? This is our first real inquiry from the agency after only 6 weeks of being H/S approved.

We would appreciate any thoughts that you might have on this situation.

Thanks!
Jazzi

First off, congratulations to your family on this possible match. I would have to agree that you should request the opporunity to have information available to the first parent's via the agency. That way, you do your part in keeping the possibility of information open, as they might change their mind at some point. I would not pass up the possibility for this reason.

Hoping for you...

[Jazzi]

Thank you all for the great input. Unfortunately, the PBM has decided against placement at this time. She apparently is looking into family support to help out with the baby. Although we are broken hearted, we continue to pray for the baby as well as the mom/dad as they move forward. Our social worker reassured us that we will be presented with many, many more opportunities. She ask that we not get discouraged. (easier said than done). However now it looks like we are back to waiting!

Thanks again to all of you.
Jazzi

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by Jazzi

Thank you all for the great input. Unfortunately, the PBM has decided against placement at this time. She apparently is looking into family support to help out with the baby. Although we are broken hearted, we continue to pray for the baby as well as the mom/dad as they move forward. Our social worker reassured us that we will be presented with many, many more opportunities. She ask that we not get discouraged. (easier said than done). However now it looks like we are back to waiting!

Thanks again to all of you.
Jazzi

I am sure it is tough to have this disappointment. And I'm hoping with you for this family AND that your child comes to you soon!