[lanihoping]

Hi All
I am new here. Dh and I are officially waiting to adopt from Texas or Nevada, we have only been waiting a couple of weeks but I am already starting to get discouraged. The 2 people we know that used our agency were both matched in about a month......

The logical part of me knows that it is going to take time, and I need to have faith that it will happen. but the emotional part of me looks around at all my friends and their kids and wonders if it will ever be me.

Anyone else out there waiting and want a venting buddy?
Lani

[dlmartin67]

Hi Lani,

We signed with our agency a little over a month ago. Our home study is done so we're playing the waiting game too. The waiting is hard but I'm told it will be worth it .

We are concentrating on which room we will use for the nursery and where to put all the stuff that's in that room now! We may paint and redo the carpet as well. I've bought a few little baby things just so it feels real. I can't wait to have a little one in my arms that's for sure!

I hope your match happens quickly.

Denise

[lanihoping]

Hi Denise!
So glad to here I am not alone. We picked which room will be the nursery and have stripped the wallpaper that was in there. We still have to repair the walls and prime. I haven't decided if I am going to paint or not before the baby comes. I will probably paint, but not buy any furniture. I don't know I am afraid I am jinxing myself if I do too much. I know alot of people do get the nursery ready, I just don't know if i can. If something were to fall through i couldn't handle coming home to a finished room and no baby. I haven't bought a single baby thing, I am afraid to i guess. I am sure i will feel different after we have a match but untill then, I just can't do it, part of me feels silly....like i am jumping the gun....

So where do you live? I live in MI but we are adopting in TX or NV. Thanks for writing me, keep in touch if you want, I would love a waiting buddy.

Lani

[Umaasang_mom]

Hello guys !

We are not officially waiting but Dh and I are still deciding which adoption program we will take. We already contacted an agency about a possible adoption of my sister's step son in the Philippines. The SW is sending our application to the Intercountry adoption board and see what they have to say. If we cant then we will go domestic. Either way though the waiting will be the hardest part ! We waited 6 years before we really get into this and we felt like we wasted those years. Once you have your child in your arms it will be well worth it ! Good luck !
Oh my name is also Lanie ! We live in Alaska .

[lanihoping]

Lanie
Welcome! I hope evertying goes well with your sister's step son! Alaska huh, i made a good friend on one of the infertility boards that is also in Alaska. My full name is Alana, Lani for short. Good luck to you and your dh!

[tinktink]

Hello all!
Although not officially waiting, (not starting till next Jan/Feb), I just wanted to add I knew I wouldn't want to be involved in redecorating our spare room with the stress of a homestudy. So we just decorated in a gender-neutral, baby-friendly type of wallpaper. I think that even if there isn't a babe in the future for us, I won't mind looking at this paper.
BTW- I'm in MI too!
Have a fab day!

[kelceesmom]

From start to finish our (not including finalization) it took about 7 months. I think that is actually a pretty good time line. I know the waiting is the hardest. Like it is said patience is a vertue (sp??) I would try to stay busy. Clear out the room that the baby will use. Go out to dinner, the movies, sleep in because when your baby does come home all that will change!! For the better of course but it will change.

[dlmartin67]

Hi Lani and everyone else We are from Western TN. I couldn't wait to buy a few baby things. It makes our decision to adopt seem more real Plus I just can't help myself! We are both really excited and looking forward to being parents.

Denise

[lanihoping]

Denice-Congrats on your adoption going so well. That is definately encouraging

Denise-You are inpsiring me, I might buy a few small things, maybe it will make everything feel more real, because part of me doesn't feel like it is you know?

Tinktink-where in MI are you, I am in the metrodetroit area

This weekend we are going up north to my in-laws cabin, I always have a relaxing time up there, so I am excited.

Have a great weekend

[jaenelle]

Same boat.

The couple that referred us to our agency had a two-week wait until their daughter was in their arms, and were presented several situations in that time.

We've been waiting more than 2 months now, and we've only been presented 2 situations. The first one didn't choose us, even though we were only one of three couples she had to choose from (that's not very good for the ego, knowing you were part of that small of a group and still fell short) and the other one we weren't comfortable with.

We signed up with a referral service earlier this month also, and she has quite a few situations, but they're either too expensive or the Mom wants something we know we're not.

It's very discouraging -- but I guess I will tell you what our agency's director keeps telling me every time I ask her if there's anything new coming up -- HANG IN THERE -- THE RIGHT SITUATION WILL COME ALONG. It's starting to sound empty, after hearing it about 20 times. But I just have to believe that it's true.

[tinktink]

Hi all!

Lanihoping- we're about 40 min north of detroit. Where is the cabin? I just heard it is peak color in the UP now. Have fun for me too!

Jaenelle - I have a feeling this not getting chosen by a bmom will be way worse than getting picked last for gym teams, everytime. Heck, I'm still trying to work that out!! Try to keep your spirits up, and if need be- vent, vent, vent!

And I'm trying to stay out of the baby areas of stores!!

Hope everyone is great today!!

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by jaenelle

Same boat.

The couple that referred us to our agency had a two-week wait until their daughter was in their arms, and were presented several situations in that time.

We've been waiting more than 2 months now, and we've only been presented 2 situations. The first one didn't choose us, even though we were only one of three couples she had to choose from (that's not very good for the ego, knowing you were part of that small of a group and still fell short) and the other one we weren't comfortable with.

We signed up with a referral service earlier this month also, and she has quite a few situations, but they're either too expensive or the Mom wants something we know we're not.

It's very discouraging -- but I guess I will tell you what our agency's director keeps telling me every time I ask her if there's anything new coming up -- HANG IN THERE -- THE RIGHT SITUATION WILL COME ALONG. It's starting to sound empty, after hearing it about 20 times. But I just have to believe that it's true.

I just wanted to offer encouragement to you Kati and everyone else here that's having a hard time. It is SO, so, so, so hard. I think you are in the hardest part because it feels, at least it did to me, so out of your control.

And Kati, your comment about "falling short" really made me sad because I hope you don't feel that way AT ALL. You will be great parents someday and I hope it is soon. We waited 14 months for DD and were shown 15 times in that time. It was so hard to know that we were not chosen over and over. But reality is that none of those other situations were the ones for us. We had to wait for our Bug (who btw, I've never shared this here but her name is Katie too!) and I am so glad we did. It was right. I know those words sound hollow but you don't want it to be wrong. THis is just too important of a relationship to have it be done quickly but wrong. YKWIM???

With Roo, we waited 12 months and were pleasantly surprised (or shocked, I'm not sure which) because we were prepared for much longer, more like 18 months. But it was right, you know???

I just don't want you or anyone else waiting to get down on yourselves thinking you aren't good enough or you fall short. Because that is the farthest thing from the truth. THe expecting parents that choose you will do it because they know you are the match for their child. I know for me, I didn't want it any other way. The wait sucks but oh the joy... so keep hoping okay???

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by blessedbybug

I just wanted to offer encouragement to you Kati and everyone else here that's having a hard time. It is SO, so, so, so hard. I think you are in the hardest part because it feels, at least it did to me, so out of your control.

And Kati, your comment about "falling short" really made me sad because I hope you don't feel that way AT ALL. You will be great parents someday and I hope it is soon. We waited 14 months for DD and were shown 15 times in that time. It was so hard to know that we were not chosen over and over. But reality is that none of those other situations were the ones for us. We had to wait for our Bug (who btw, I've never shared this here but her name is Katie too!) and I am so glad we did. It was right. I know those words sound hollow but you don't want it to be wrong. THis is just too important of a relationship to have it be done quickly but wrong. YKWIM???

With Roo, we waited 12 months and were pleasantly surprised (or shocked, I'm not sure which) because we were prepared for much longer, more like 18 months. But it was right, you know???

I just don't want you or anyone else waiting to get down on yourselves thinking you aren't good enough or you fall short. Because that is the farthest thing from the truth. THe expecting parents that choose you will do it because they know you are the match for their child. I know for me, I didn't want it any other way. The wait sucks but oh the joy... so keep hoping okay???

I am always hopeful. Sometimes I think I'd honestly be smarter if I wasn't, then it wouldn't hurt so bad when things didn't work out.

I know we probably don't look very good on paper, even though our agency says our profile is fine, I question whether we should have changed it to try and make ourselves look better somehow. I know that isn't right, though. I really would like a birthmom to pick us based on US. But I can see why we wouldn't probably look very desirable compared to a lot of other couples -- we're young, don't have a lot of money, both work, etc. etc. And the things that are good about us don't translate to paper very well -- you can't show in pictures all the love you will have for a child, or that you are prepared to do whatever it takes for that child to have a good life. And I'm just afraid the things we can give a child will be eclipsed by the things we can't. I'm grateful, at least, that our agency has a backup waiting list, and once we're at the top, if there's a birthmom that for some reason doesn't want to choose, then at least the agency will choose us.

I just wish there was some other way than these fakey profiles to make ourselves known to birthmoms. By making our profile really represent who we are, we don't look very impressive compared to most other couples, I'm sure.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by jaenelle

I am always hopeful. Sometimes I think I'd honestly be smarter if I wasn't, then it wouldn't hurt so bad when things didn't work out.

I know we probably don't look very good on paper, even though our agency says our profile is fine, I question whether we should have changed it to try and make ourselves look better somehow. I know that isn't right, though. I really would like a birthmom to pick us based on US. But I can see why we wouldn't probably look very desirable compared to a lot of other couples -- we're young, don't have a lot of money, both work, etc. etc. And the things that are good about us don't translate to paper very well -- you can't show in pictures all the love you will have for a child, or that you are prepared to do whatever it takes for that child to have a good life. And I'm just afraid the things we can give a child will be eclipsed by the things we can't. I'm grateful, at least, that our agency has a backup waiting list, and once we're at the top, if there's a birthmom that for some reason doesn't want to choose, then at least the agency will choose us.

I just wish there was some other way than these fakey profiles to make ourselves known to birthmoms. By making our profile really represent who we are, we don't look very impressive compared to most other couples, I'm sure.

(((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))) oh wow... I could have written your post about 4 months into our wait. I really felt like we wouldn't ever get an opportunity to parent for so many reasons. We didn't look good on paper either. AT ALL. We are both pastors, which is a double whammy... no money for extras and we must be very frugal to live. ANd to some, this choice of career would put us in the fanatical category. I was way overweight (over 80 pounds at the time we submitted our profile), DH was approaching 50. There were mental health issues in his side of the family. We had been through counseling to deal with some losses in our lives. We lived in a very simple, small house, drove old cars. My family is over 1600 miles away, in another country. So many, many other things that made us feel like no one would ever want us...

But you know what??? Bug's first mom said that one of the main reasons she picked us (I posted to you on another thread that some of the reasons she chose us were the the very reasons the agency said we would most likely have a long wait... by our agency standards our wait was WAY below average) was that we weren't perfect. She felt like there were so many profiles where they couples/families were trying to hard to impress. She wanted people she could relate to at least a little. One of those things was a personal tragedy in our family. SHe lost a family member in almost the exact same way. It still amazes me that one of the most awful experiences of my life ended up being a connector with this young woman, a reason she felt we could relate to some of her experiences, at least a starting point. I am so thankful, to this day, that I was completely honest about how this tragedy in my life affected me.

So there you have it... at least one person who didn't look very good on paper either, who thought our dream to be parents may never come, but four years later, here we are... arms full and feeling so blessed and privileged to be called Momma and Daddy by these amazing little people.

I can't wait to celebrate with you when your dream finally comes true...

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by blessedbybug

(((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))) oh wow... I could have written your post about 4 months into our wait. I really felt like we wouldn't ever get an opportunity to parent for so many reasons. We didn't look good on paper either. AT ALL. We are both pastors, which is a double whammy... no money for extras and we must be very frugal to live. ANd to some, this choice of career would put us in the fanatical category. I was way overweight (over 80 pounds at the time we submitted our profile), DH was approaching 50. There were mental health issues in his side of the family. We had been through counseling to deal with some losses in our lives. We lived in a very simple, small house, drove old cars. My family is over 1600 miles away, in another country. So many, many other things that made us feel like no one would ever want us...

But you know what??? Bug's first mom said that one of the main reasons she picked us (I posted to you on another thread that some of the reasons she chose us were the the very reasons the agency said we would most likely have a long wait... by our agency standards our wait was WAY below average) was that we weren't perfect. She felt like there were so many profiles where they couples/families were trying to hard to impress. She wanted people she could relate to at least a little. One of those things was a personal tragedy in our family. SHe lost a family member in almost the exact same way. It still amazes me that one of the most awful experiences of my life ended up being a connector with this young woman, a reason she felt we could relate to some of her experiences, at least a starting point. I am so thankful, to this day, that I was completely honest about how this tragedy in my life affected me.

So there you have it... at least one person who didn't look very good on paper either, who thought our dream to be parents may never come, but four years later, here we are... arms full and feeling so blessed and privileged to be called Momma and Daddy by these amazing little people.

I can't wait to celebrate with you when your dream finally comes true...

Thanks, Tammi. You always make me feel better.