[6furbabies]

I'm just venting... sorry!

I have been looking at adoption for a long time. Ever since I was a little girl, I've wanted to adopt. But, I had no idea it would be this frustrating. I've not started any kind of paperwork or anything yet... I've not even decided how I want to adopt.

At first, my idea was that I would adopt domestically. The problem with this is that I am single and 90% of birthmoms don't want a single parent to raise "their" child. They are going into adoption because they don't want their child to not have a father, so therefore, they want their child to be raised by 2 parents. That's great & believe me when I say I can see where they're coming from. But, as a single woman, I am 100% confidant that I would be a great single mom.

So, I started looking into international adoption. I thought of Russia, because although I am open to biracial children, I would prefer that the child look somewhat like me and I am CC. That's when I came to this board a few months ago. I discovered the problems with the long wait times (although there are long wait times in any kind of adoption) and the thing that discouraged me the most was the financial aspect. I do okay for myself, but in no way do I have tens of thousands of dollars to put towards this. The fees and travel expenses just add up to too much.

So... I took a break from the adoption idea for a little while, or at least I tried to. But, I feel like this is the right thing for me, so I looked at another option. Foster to adopt. This is something I haven't considered before because of the pain of loving and losing "my" child. But, after much consideration, I decided that if I had to go through that pain in order to find the child(ren) who is/are destined to be mine, it would be worth it in the end. The more I've looked into it, the more discouraged I get. Being single (and knowing myself), I feel like I can't deal with too many special needs, which is a problem, since the majority of the children in the foster care system are special needs. I also want an infant/young toddler, so that makes it much harder too.

I'm just feeling so frustrated and discouraged. In my heart, I feel that adoption is what I'm called to do. I want to do it so badly. But, it seems like I am just being thrown one problem after another.

Again, I'm sorry for venting. I'm feeling at my wits end right now and am second guessing my decision. Any encouragement/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening!

[LisaCA]

hi there,

I'm going to have to be quick, as dd is sick and taking a short nap in her crib (soon to end I suspect).

I understand your desire to adopt-I knew this was what I wanted to do from the time I was a little kid too. I think you should rethink what it is you want and why, revisit all those ideas you initially discarded. Maybe domestic adoption is the best for you-maybe there are women who want a single woman to raise their child. Maybe some countries aren't as expensive as others, etc. I don't know how old you are, but we waited and saved for several years before going forward ( we wanted to pay cash). Maybe family and friends can help out, or maybe this xmas they can save and give cash for your adoption rather than silly gifts that aren't as important. There are also loans and grants out there. we're pretty casual about our signing loans (sometimes big ones) for a car, etc. maybe a small loan for a child isn't out of the question.

anyway, these are just a few things. Do some reading on adoption, visit a few websites and read their info. at some point it will become clear what you need to do. go with your heart-I wish you luck!

Lisa