[Anne5]

Likely you are asked by the adoption agency as well as others why you want to adopt. Since you have had biological children and if you can have more biological children what do you say to them?

I'm just wondering what your answers are...

dh and I have gone the biological route and want to adopt and I'm seriously wondering what other people have said to this sort of question. Answering friends it doesn't seem to matter really what I say they thing it's really strange. I just feel sometimes as if they won't understand no matter what I say.

[withopenarms]

We too are a couple with two Biological children and are looking into adoption. I have always known I wanted to adopt. (my sister is adopted) Your right I feel sometimes people don't understand but I feel they don't need to. I learned how to truly love something when I had my children and my heart grows bigger with each child. We have fostered children for two years and have been shown repeatedly that your heart doesn't know the difference between bio children and not . You might be one of the few that understand when I say I feel like something is still missing and I just know it my child that some other mommy is carrying.

[Stormy]

I have a 4 year old son who is a biological child and a 10 mo. old son who is adopted. we could have more biological children but we just felt called to adopt. We wanted to adopt a child who needed us. we adopted an AA boy who had special needs. For me it was about not being pregnant again (it was a very difficult pregnancy) and bringing a child who greatly needed a family into ours. My husband had always felt led to adoption due to not wanting to add to population growth and wanting to give a home to a child who was in need. I think we all have our reasons for choosing adoption, no matter how complex. And to be honest it isn't anyones right to quiz us on those reasons. If it is right for us, and right for our child, then that is ALL that matters. When people had asked us why we would adopt, being that we could still have children biologically, we found that an easy answer that covered all the bases and ended the discussion with little debate was "we felt called to adopt". It isn't such a statement of faith as it is truth. Something in us has led us to a place where we felt we had no choice in our souls but to adopt. We get either a knowing nod with that response or no more discussion on the topic, depending on the persons understanding of the concept of being "called" to do something. Sometimes you want to talk endlessly about adoption, and sometimes you just want to be a family. I can tell you that my love for my two sons is no different. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I didn't give birth to my youngest son. Not because of anything strange, but because my feelings and emotion are so much the same. I brought both my children home from the hospital and began parenting them that day. I just didn't give birth to one.

[Anne5]

You both have helped me...

My husband and I don't feel the need to explain all the time but we have been asked... and have wanted to say something. On two occassions we gave explanations and got the third degree. Questions come up about children coming into our home that are not of the same race we are... and also the question about why would we want to adopt when we can do this ourselves bodily. We have several reasons but mostly we are in fact "called" to adopt.

I like the phrase "being called to do so" It gives all the meaning and I can end the discussion with friends and neighbors this way. I can end it there. Just move on...

I had just gotten into a "20 questions" sort of discussion with a friend at one point... those "why?" and "well what if?" sort of questions that came too easily for her where the answers were not coming very easily for me simply because more questions came from her that were unanswerable as we had not faced the problem yet. We are looking at different races and very possibly a special needs child ( just learned that this doesn't always mean the child is severly troubled... or handicapped... it can mean many different things)

Anyhow... I appreciate your words of wisdom.

[angelical]

My husband and I have one bio son. He was delivered three months early last year because I had severe preeclampsia/HELLP. We have decided not to risk my life, and that of the unborn child, with another risky pregnancy.

We are planning to start the process for adoption in June. We want to adopt a little girl (infant to 5 yrs) from a state agency.

We have not told anyone in our families yet what we are planning because we aren't ready to answer those questions. We are firm in our belief and ready to adopt, but we have decided to make this a personal decision... much like getting pregnant.

Thanks for all of your perspectives. It is good to know that others have struggled/wondered about these issues.

Sharel

[Lorraine123]

We have two bio kids - one 15 and one 11 years. We decided to adopt because it is something I always wanted to do. As a child I had many friends who were adopted and I always thought it must feel so wonderful to have been wanted by your parents so much that they went through the adoption to get you (of course at that age I didn't think about the loss of the birth parents). We are adopting a 6 year old girl. She is coming to live with us next week. Anyway, we get all kinds of comments from friends. Most people are supportive although we do get some comments like -"she has the same color eyes as you, people will think she is actually yours". These comments I ignore. The negative comments, believe it or not, came from our family. I think they were truly concerned about us taking on more than we could handle, but it got out of hand. We finally had to sit everyone down and let them know that it was our decision, not theirs. This was not a pleasant conversation, led to many hurt feelings and even many months of not talking. What I've learned is I know what is best for my family and what others think isn't what is important.