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Old 05-19-2013, 05:17 PM
sunshine11 sunshine11 is offline
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Informing others of "rehoming"

We are "rehoming" my adoptive son on Wednesday. The new family is coming and will be taking him back with them to a different state. I was hoping people have some advice on how to tell our friends, neighbors, and relatives about this decision. Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
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Old 05-20-2013, 01:37 PM
saranbr saranbr is offline
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Hopefully some other folks will chime in here with their experience/opinion as well, since probably different things work well for different people/personalities/experiences. You might consider posting over on the special needs boards since there are folks over there who have rehomed.

Our situation was similar to yours: family flew in from another state and left in a couple days.

My immediate family knew about what was happening for several months prior so it was not a surprise/shock/etc when things finally happened. Okay, my father admitted that he was shocked we found anyone to take him, but no one was surprised we were placing. And I will add that they were supportive/understanding which made that aspect easier.

We had not told anyone else in advance. We also didn't make any big announcements when he left. Basically we just left it for others to ask if they were interested. Right approach? It worked okay for us and was obviously neither here nor there for him since he was already gone.

When people asked we gave a simple yet honest answer. Generally it went something along the lines of, "we had to place him in another family for the safety our younger children". If there was any quizical looks, further questions (always aiming at why we couldn't keep all the kids in our home safe, you know, b/c others are so smart about such things), I just added something along the lines of, "the alarmed doors, line of sight supervision and self contained classroom were no longer adequate to assure the safety and survival of our younger children who are not as strong as him". That generally did it...

I found that most people are quick to "accuse" you of "giving up" on the child. I took that head on-- and said that in no uncertain terms I was absolutely ready to give up after four years of trying when the wellbeing of my healthy attached children was at stake, and we'd made no progress and things were only getting more dangerous! They could do with that what they wanted. And in my experience, depending how you say it, most people would rather drop the issue than actually have to deal with the reality that such a decision exists. I generally got the response that they would be praying for his well being, and I agreed that that would be a VERY good idea!

We're out since 10/2011 and there is only one person that I know of that no longer speaks to me since our decision. The others are at least outwardly respectful, which is all that I ask. As far as the one who doesn't speak to me (and we had been close friends, though I question that now): #1, she never offered to take him and in fact, refused to even take him for respite during our difficulties and #2, she's a small price to pay for the peace that lives in my house now. Besides, I was responsible for the safety of my home, not her so she can take her opinion and apply it someplace it matters.

But that was just my approach. I do know that some other moms who are less comfortable with being quite as direct as I am have used things like a nicely written little pre-printed script to hand to people who ask.
Referral of 4 day old BG 4/07/05
Home forever 11/09/05
lovin' family life since

June 2006: found a 3yo waiting child and started the process to bring him home. Home 8/07. Disrupted 10/11.

April 2009: decided to pursue an Ethiopian adoption for "baby sister"
4/9/10- accepted referral of a beautiful 2.5month old baby girl!
6/30- home from Ethiopia with our sweet girl.

First bio daughter born healthy at term on 9/21/13.
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Old 05-22-2013, 09:08 PM
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Linny Linny is offline
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BTDT and couldn't have written it any better than saranbr. I'm glad things have progressed and I hope for the best for everyone.


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