[Linny]

I've debated putting this on a public forum, but feel it's time.
In 2005, it was discovered that one of the children (teen at the time) we'd adopted, decided to become a sexual predator. From that point on, we refused to allow him back into our home. LONG story short, after many months of court appearances, much $$ paid to attorneys, hearing the 'system' threaten to charge us with abandonment should we refuse to keep him, paying his stipend to another family to keep him, and having him tested by the 'system's' appointed counseling service, the 'system' (CPS) allowed us to sign him back over. The official testing concluded that he should be completely supervised at all times, should be, as they put it, in 'line of sight supervision' at all times---especially around younger children.

When I spoke to the counseling service who conducted the extensive testing on him, I was told that 'line of sight supervision' was chosen instead of residential...though the 'line' for residential was very closely made. I asked if this was actually putting other children at risk, given his lack of remorse, etc.
They wouldn't disagree.

We were more than happy to sign him back over, if for no other reason, that we had very young children in our home at the time, and we would not put those children in harm's way.

Fast forward to now. He was convicted of the crimes (which involved more than one victim) and was court ordered to attend a facility for sexual offenders.
This teen requested that he be adopted again----once he has been released from the court ordered residential facility for sexual offenders. His photo has been published as this child needs a forever family type of headline in the local newspaper, the state wide publication for adoptive and foster families, and the state's adoptable children website. NO MENTION Of his problems...even to state that he should be put in a home with no younger children, has been written. I realize that families who might inquire, could be told of his problems upon interest, but history and discussion with other parents of older adopted children has told me it is common for the system to NOT disclose vital info about a child. Further, our own family has been a 'victim' of this type of child placement, having NOT been told of vital info about another older child adoption.

I've spoken to the local counseling service we used back when dh and I chose to put ourselves in counseling to deal with the disruption of a child---and a sexual predator at that. Their legal has called the state attorney general's office, who, I'm told, is very interested in our particular case.

This son will---at some point in the near future---be released from this program.
It has been said by the residential facility where he resides now, that upon his release, we will have NO RIGHTS as to WHEN he is released, or WHERE he will be residing!!!!!
I'm told that if he wasn't a minor (which he will be for a short while still), this would not be the case. Rather we'd be informed as to his release and have the benefit of writing to the releasing authorities concerning our belief that he should not be allowed to be adopted by folks within our county (for his and our benefit...many people in the surrounding area are well aware of his actions and conviction).

I understand he has a right to a life. I understand he may benefit from the program he's in now. I hope he takes that info and is able to make a life free from further incidents.
But, I do not understand why our family is denied the right to know when he's released, or at least knowing where he's placed should he be adopted in the chance that any of us might run into him at any event---should he be adopted within this community or nearby.

Don't we have that right?......

Sincerely,

Linny

[bromanchik]

A legal right?.. most likely not.
An ethical right?.. absolutely.

[Empty_Nest]

[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]] Stuff like this is always so hard.

I agree you should be told. But if your local laws don't require it, officials aren't going to do it.

If he's threatened you or your family, I'd try for a restraining order to start with.

[FallenChild]

When you adopted this child didn't you make a commitment to parent him? If yes, why would you fight so hard to legally and practically abandon him? Should you have continued to parent him, you would have been entitled to all information relating to the recovery efforts that are now in place for him to try and correct his harmful behavior to others. Not only that, your concern, comitment, and involvement in his life would be a source of hope for him, and in all likelihood would motivate change in his behavior - instead, you bailed out on him, unfortunately for him, only making his chances for recovery much worse. If you gave birth to this child you couldn't "give him back"!!, but instead, you sent him a very cruel message. You could well have continued to parent and help him AND keep him away from your other children so he doesn't harm them - clearly you should not endanger any of your children, but you shouldn't abandon them emotionally either, even though you may now be off the hook legally. FC

[Linny]

Fallen Child: I've heard a few others make the kind of comments you've made. (They're also the same ones who say they're really glad they've not had to deal with this, themselves.)
My reasoning for starting this thread, has nothing to do with opinions as to whether we 'should have/would have'. That is a moot point now.
I won't argue; and I'm willing to bet you've not been in our shoes.

As far as 'legal' rights.....as it stands now, no....but we're going to try to change that. What I (and others, including professionals involved with these things) find amazing, is if this child were an adult---having done the same behaviors-----there'd be no question as to what we'd be told.
Whether a minor or adult----a person who commits sexual assault, holds no remorse, and threatens to hurt/kill other children (with a strong likelihood the offense would be committed again).......the public deserves to know in my book.

Sincerely,

Linny

[qs mom]

Linny -

Your efforts to protect your children - ALL of your children - is amazing.

You're 'abandoning' as fallenchild called it, your sexual predator helped and protected him as well as your other children. He would probably have been jailed or killed by an angry parent by now had you not disrupted to get him the help he so needs.

Every victim deserves to be told about the release of the offender, regardless of the offenders age. Every victim deserves the right to keep themselves safe.

Potential adoptive families certainly deserve to know this child's history. Probably because he's a minor, he won't have to register as a sex offender. Which is terribly sad and frightening!

[LibbyHawkins]

As a victim you should be notified of his release. Did he abuse children that are yours? And if so were charges filed on that case - giving your child official status as a victim?

Are you saying that all the above is true and because he is a juvenile, you will not be notified?

If so, is there another newspaper in the town(or one nearby) that would like to do a story on your family, he could not be named of course, but the fact that he is one of the children "pictured for adoption" could certainly be mentioned. I would think it could be done from an angle where your family does not have to be mentioned by name. . .

[bethy724]

If he was convicted of abusing a child in your home - YOU HAVE THE RIGHT to know when he is released. In TX it's a victimes notification law-I'm not sure where you are.

Fallen child - all the love & support in the world can NOT fix or heal a sexual preditor.(IMO & some statistics presented sexual abuse training for fp lisence) . Subjecting the children in your home to a sexual preditor is not going to help or fix him but create more damaged human beings to go & perpetuate the abuse. It must have been a gut wrenching decision to legally abandon him to be put in a facility that MAY help him - I wouldn't make a judgement call on this one - it is so easy to caste the first stone-but which children do you protect? Now their local paper will put a convicted sexual preditor in another home to abuse more children. I wish the best for all.

[lucyjoy]

I don't know that there is a good answer for this. He has rights. If he benefitted from this program and is truely healed, sharing his past hurts him. (However, having raised a sociopath, I have serious doubts about these programs helping much).

As a parent who has been a victim of an abusive child, I have found that we hold little rights. I was repeatedly told by the facilities my son was in that MY life had no value and only HIS counted. One even went so far as to tell me that IF my son murdered me, the criminial courts would handle it but he'd shown good behavior in their program and was ready to move(and he was still telling the therapist ways he could kill me-told the SWer to, who found him an out of home placement).

I sincerely hope that any potential adoptive families for this child are given true and accurate information and that he is NOT placed in a home where he will be tempted to return to his predatorial ways or create new victims. That is a set up for his failure as well.

I don't know about where you live but I know here, one cannot obtain a restraining order against a minor regardless of the danger.

Linny-I fully understand your concern and your anger but I don't know what the answers are. It would seem in everyone's best interest for communication to be better then it is. How sad for all of us.

[Lorraine123]

I find it a crime that social services withholds information about the history of the children they are placing. I hear so many stories of this, and I live this story every day. When I began this journey, I truly thought that social services was there to help the children. I no longer believe that. Their interest is in obtaining placements. And we unsuspecting parents are left holding the bag.

OK, that my vent.

I do believe that victims have the right to know what is happening with their perpetrator. Society thinks "oh, they are only children", or "they are only doing what was done to them", or "they can be rehabilitated". Well, yes, yes, and yes to all of the above, in some cases. But until you live with one of these children, you can't imagine the pathology of their minds. They have no conscience. They have no cause and effect thinking. That cannot be rehabilitated.

I agree that children should have rights, however, what about the victums? What about the parents of the child. What about the siblings of the child. They were abused. Do they not have rights?

These children commit adult crimes. Their victims deserve to know what is happening.

[Linny]

Did he abuse children that are yours? And if so were charges filed on that case - giving your child official status as a victim?

Are you saying that all the above is true and because he is a juvenile, you will not be notified? --Libby

Yes, some; and absolutely.
Now some of you know 'why him staying in our home' could NOT be a consideration.

Probably because he's a minor, he won't have to register as a sex offender. Which is terribly sad and frightening!--q's mom

As a minor, he IS registered as a sex offender. However, in this state, his status as such will not/can not be known, unless someone in his area is a day care provider, involved with the school system, etc. Otherwise, it's not as if one could look up his name on the official website, as one could do if he were only a few years older and an adult!!!!


Thank you to those who've supported my point and given encouragement. This was NOT an easy thing to do-----to relinquish OR to post this on the forum. I hope a good life for him; but I have my doubts. However, those don't matter now; we only want our family to know his initial whereabouts. Being a minor should NOT give him overall protection at the risk of hurting more children, that's my gripe.

Sincerely,

Linny

[joskids]

Linny, I'm with Bromanchik, what SHOULD BE and what IS are rarely in the true best interest of innocent children. His behavior will not (likely) change, I've known too many like him who continue this behavior. I'm sick and tired of the headlines of sexual predators, scores of them, that continue their behavior over and over and over again and countless children are left in their wake. If I were you, I'd go as far as I could to make certain this child is never adopted into a family with younger children.

FallenChild: I would assume you've never tried to parent a hurt child, one that sexually perpetrates on others. I would assume you've never worked as hard as Linny has to keep all of the children in your home safe. I would assume, like our family, you have not had to let go of a child you loved deeply, in the best interest of the other children in your home because, NO MATTER HOW CLOSELY AND CAREFULLY YOU WATCHED, the tenacity of these children to set up a situation where they can perpetrate, is quite unbelievable!!!!! It's so easy to judge others when we haven't been in their shoes but that likely will never change, will it?????????????????

[JPDakota]

FallenChild and anyone else who agrees with her.....how dare you? OK, that's harsh and this post may rightfully be removed, but what Linny is doing is trying to protect ALL OF OUR CHILDREN. Can you even imagine how she felt to discover that her children were hurt in a horrible way by her child? She wants that to not happen.
Everyone has a right to an opinion. My opinion is that Linny is doing and feeling what is right.

[SAHmom]

Linny, we placed our son out of our home. While looking for a fosterhome, the SW told me that they wouldn't tell the prespective fosterhomes ALL of his history and guess why? In the SW's own words "it would limit the number of homes I will have to place him in". UGH! I understand all too well your frustration. They even went so far as to make plans to place our son in a home with parents of a three years old...knowing full well that he had choked our younger son and had a history of killing animals. We had requested a meeting with the parents and the next thing we knew, the couple was having marital problems {our guess because of the girlfriend not wanting son placed in their home}. We have an attorney and when they told me that they would place our son in our hometown, I was prepared to take it to court.

Prayers said for you and your family.

[Larue]

Hi Linny. This thread caught my attention. Sexual abuse within a family is not something most families can talk about. Let alone deal with. Burying your head in the sand is just so much easier. Because it often means someone has to go. I just wanted to add, please get help for your younger children. Though it sounds like you're already doing that. Some parents assume that because of their age, that young child will magically forget it. Trust me…that is not the case.

Many hugs to you for making the hard choice. I wish my parents had.