[lannes]

has anyone experienced a disrupted adoption because the birth parents changed their mind. we really need some help with this.

[lonni]

I am sorry. I know you will find alot of support here, as many have been through it too.We went through it in 1999.

[Linny]

No....we haven't had this experience (just disrupted on older children). Did the birthparents change their minds during the state's revocation period? If this is so, I'm sorry you've had to go through it...... (((HUGS))))

Sincerely,

Linny

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by lannes

has anyone experienced a disrupted adoption because the birth parents changed their mind. we really need some help with this.

I had a failed adoption when a birth aunt came forward. Birth dad didn't want to relinquish but was going to TPR anyway. He asked the court to give custody to his sister-and they did.

[megaphonemo]

We had a disruption earlier this summer when the bmom changed her mind after a weekend. Feel free to send me a private message.

It gets better - trust me. It does.

Mega

[lannes]

Mega
How do you do it each day. We had him for 31 days when she took him back. I keep looking for him and expecting him to be there and he's not. Our three year old thinks we can give her back now. And on top of everything I just got a bill from our attorney for $1500 for all the work she did for the return of the baby. I feel like there is nothing out there to protect the adoptive parents.
And no one knows what to say to me. I had to go back to work as my leave ended when we returned him, that helps but its just all so weird. Lisa

[lannes]

Thank you!

[emmaalso]

Lanes,

I am so sorry you had to go through that. we had a baby for 10 days when mom told agency that she wasnt the baby back. THis happened in March. We lost a lot of money $4k to the attorney and $2k in birthmother expenses, flight hotel 10 nights car rental 10 days etc. needless to say the agency still has 17k of ours.

I miss him terribly, I have at least 100 pictures of him that I look at every few weeks. Our 5 year old still talks about the baby. Time heals but the child will likely always be a part of your life.

Hang it there you had this child a long time it normal for this to be so excrutiatingly painful.

[lannes]

I thought it would get easier with time but it seems to be getting worse. at first i was so angry and now im just sad. he was a part of our family for 31 days, and now he is just gone. My 3 year old talks about him more and more each day, I hope I'm handling it right with her. I just tell her his mommy and daddy loved him so much they wanted him back and that we just took care of him for a little while for them. But she doesn't understand and thinks we can give her back too. We told her he was her brother, and you don't give brothers back. We are out of money, so another adoption is out of the question. We just got the final bill from the attorney $1500 for the work she did to return him. I don't understand how the laws can be this way. I'm sorry for your loss as well, I can say I know how you feel. And it comforts me to know that I'm not alone, and by that I don't by any way mean that I'm glad it happened to you too. I just mean that it helps me to know that I"m not alone, but I do hope that no one else has to go through it.

[Rondidondi]

I'm so sorry for your pain. I was crying as I read it. I know your pain, though I wasn't on your end. I was a mother that decided to parent, I gave someone your pain. It's hard for me except that I did that to someone else. If this mother was/is anything like, she DIDN"T WANT to hurt you. I know that probably doesn't comfort you any, but please know that I AM SORRY you had to go through this. May time heal your pain, you were meant to be there for this child while his bmom was unable for whatever reason. Bless you!

[sbaglio]

Originally Posted by lannes

has anyone experienced a disrupted adoption because the birth parents changed their mind. we really need some help with this.

I, too, am sorry about your loss. I hope that you are feeling somewhat better about the situation now, though I cannot imagine being in your shoes and know that it wil ltake a long time to heal. We are yet to adopt (waiting 3 months and counting), and we live in a state in which the birthparents have 30 days to change their minds once they revoke parental rights. Your situation is just what we fear will happen...hard to think about.

Fadzi

[lannes]

Fadzi
I just wanted to thank you for your kind words. Things have been a little easier, my daughter is more accepting, the holidays have made me feel sad but in my heart I have to believe he is happy and loved and being well cared for.
Please don't let my experience discourage you in any way, I have learned that what happened to us is very rare. I wish you the best on your adoption and I will pray that it all works out for you.
Lanne

[adamslor]

My husband and I JUST experienced a disruption (today). We were on our way across three state lines to meet and take the infant to a hotel while we awaited ICPC. The birthmother was going to meet us at the hospital and "pass the baby" to us as she was discharged. While on the road (5 hours into the trip) , the SW called to say that the birthmom had unexpectly decided to parent. We were quite surprised, and simply turned the car around and drove home.

The trip was a total of 10 hours (all in one day). We had packed for a 10 stay for ICPC.

It is quite sad, but not unexpected. I have been reading these boards for months and in the back of my mind always considered the possiblity. We wish the birthmom luck and hope all works out for her. We now await another placement....

(Luckily, we didn't have to pay any costs until the revocation period was over - so our only loss was time and gas)

[Linny]

(Luckily, we didn't have to pay any costs until the revocation period was over - so our only loss was time and gas)---adamslor

We've gone through a similar placement too. Years ago. I can tell you though, that it helps immensely to accept only babies that are already born and where the birthparents have already signed relinquishments.

While I know these kinds of situations aren't as common....they DO happen.
I give you my cyber-sympathies and hope you have a permanent placement with a wee one in your arms very soon. (((HUGS)))

Sincerely,

Linny

[lannes]

Thank Linny I would love for that to happen but these days its so hard, and the birth parents have the choice and the law on their side. i have to keep the faith that we will get a baby.