[smstarr]

We have had a foster son for going on 3 months and have gone thru the entire homestudy process to be cleared for adoption. Here is my question or frustration, my FS is 11 years old and walks around the house like he is a zombie. If you do not initiate a conversation or interaction he will never speak to you. He has yet to call me by my name, preferring to refer to me as "she" which we have discussed several times. I told him to simply refer to me by my first name. I have 2 biological boys also one 13 and one 10. They are adjusting to this new person in our household but it seems like he feels he has been sentenced to our house and is simply living here because he has to. My FS is very passive and you literally have to question him about everything to get a response. I need some advise as my two other children are very out going and thrive on interaction

[LoveRiddenDad]

Maybe try spending some time with him, just him, possibly cultivating an interest together? I am so sorry things are hard at your house.

[smstarr]

I have tried spending time with him one on one and he is really not interested in talking about anything at anytime. I have also talked to his counselor and am hoping that he can help.

[lucyjoy]

Unfotunately, he is sentenced to your house. His life has been turned upside down and rather then cope, he has chosen to shut down. Has he been in and out of foster care a lot? Maybe his life experience has told him that relationships don't last, so why bother.

Don't respond to she and if possible, get your kids to ask who he means when he says she. Maybe his mom told him not to use adults first names. Maybe he can call you Mrs/MIss Star instead of star?

Talk to him a lot even if he fails to respond. He isn't missing anything you say. Include him in activities even if he stands there looking bored. Go on as if you don't notice.

Likely he's still checking out his environment. Often kids in care are hypervigilant and hold back until they have gaged every reaction.-It's a survival skill. With the more aggressive kids, you can at least tell when you're being tested. With the passive kids, it just feels like living with a ghost or zombie. Hopefully when he feels more comfortable, he'll interact more.