[5roman]

All I can define it as is not having unconditional trust. He kinda doubts everything (screams at parties, tooth brushing, trying a new food, etc) does anyone else have that? I went to an adoption meeting my group has, on bonding, and the dopey social worker guest said to me"ask your pediatrician", I thought, I drove in the rain for an answer like that?

[nancynic]

Hi,

Trust is the first thing that an infant develops or doesn not develop. Trust is developed when an infant receives what he/she needs from adults ... response to hunger, dirty diapers, and frustrated feelings. If a child gets positive responses by being fed, having their diapers changed and being cuddled and soothed when they are scared or frustrated, then they develop trust that their needs will be met.

Hope this helps. Let us know, OK?

NancyNic

[ll_bay]

5roman
How old is your child? I ask because my 7 year old daughter, adopted at age 6 after spending about one year in an orphanage, had, and still has very similar issues. There is not as much screaming and raging as there used to be, but she still questions practically anything and everything she is asked to do. At least now, however, she complies most of the time, which is better than where we started. And she knows the meaning of "no backtalk" and "I'm your mother and I'm the boss," (or something similar) which has helped. Two things help me stay sane. One is constantly reminding myself that objectively speaking, up until now she has had no reason to trust her adult caregivers and to work really hard to help her learn that now she can and needs to trust us. The other is attachment parenting. Reading Deborah Gray's Attaching in Adoption, info given by our social worker (we're lucky to have a good one), and actually Mary Hopkins Best's Toddler Adoption (works on regressed 6 year olds too) really helped.
HTH

[nancynic]

thank you for the
list of resources

and of course moral support is always so helpful
and to know that things/children do change!

NN