[nancynic]

Hi,

Well, it's nice to understand theories ... they help us understand ourselves and our children. However, every rule has exceptions, right?

I have an older brother who was born with epilepsy. Although my brother is four years older than I am, and there are just two of us (so I should have been the 'baby' in the family), our roles were reversed and I became the 'oldest' because I looked out for my brother. Now, an adult, I definitely show the traits of the 'oldest' child ... very responsible, very very very responsible.

Has birth order been 'changed' in your family, due to circumstances such as illness or other circumstances? Let us know.

NancyNic

[mckenna]

in our family there are 6 kids, the first 4 were all 2 years apart from each other. then when the youngest was 6 my parents had twins (a very unexpected surprise). i am the oldest and definatly have oldest child traits but the youngest of the 1st 4 definatly has baby of the family traits. with the twins, ironically, the one that was born first has oldest child traits and the 2nd born has baby of the family traits. it was almost like my parents had two families. we are always asked if we all have the same parents? like we must be a step family to have such a large age difference between the oldest and the youngest (13 years). but we always say, nope, same parents.

[joymom]

This is a little off-topic, but it is fascinating to me to watch our sons grow and "fit" their birth-order personality-wise when their biological birth-order is different. Our oldest is CLASSIC oldest child, yet he was his bmom's second. Our youngest (soon to be middle), is a more typical 2nd born, even though he was his bmom's 5th.

I'm not SURPRISED by this, it's just fascinating in light of the whole nature/nurture thing. I had never considered this issue in light of adoption until we were advised to consider "changing birth order" in our family by adopting an older child. Kids are so complicated and amazing. It's fun to watch how they develop.

[nancynic]

Hi,

I'm not surprised about the traits of the twins. I've read that after 6 years, new babies do begin 'new' with birth order. I guess, the theories are pretty accurate most of the time!

Families are so interesting, aren't they!

thanks for your post,
Nancy

[nancynic]

Hi,

It IS fascinating ... how adaptable children are ... thanks so much for your post!

Nancy

[jodyk]

I'm 2 1/2 years older than my sister. As little children, I was the typical older child. But long about when my sister grew taller than me (when I was in about 7th or 8th grade), some of that started to change. She was also more outgoing than I was and more sure of what she wanted. (I was also bullied as a child, and she often ran to protect me -- she had very long fingernails.)

By the time we grew up, we completely switched roles: She has the important career, a husband, a son, a house, 2 dogs. She seems sure of herself, able to handle all the "grown-up" things that come down the pike. I, on the other hand, have a "job" but not a career (although, to be fair, I never was very career-oriented, despite my education), an apartment, 2 cats. It took until about 3 years ago for me to get up the courage to do what I always wanted: become a foster parent.

We are relatively happy with this role reversal, and I'm always surprised when my little sister says she admires me for doing what I've done; I've always looked up to her -- literally and figuratively.

[nancynic]

Hi Jody,

What an interesting story about you and your sister. Sounds like the two of you are close and admire and support eachother.

I'm so happy you've become a foster parent ... it's obvious, from your posts, that you love it and are incredibly good at it.

One of the primary traits of oldest children is taking responsibility which you surely do, and so whole heartedly.

all best wishes,
Nancy

[CalandraLark]

Any major Birth Order Author I've ever found (and I've read everyone I can get my hands on) states that any child born 5 years or more is likely the develope first child tendencies, the family starts over, the more space between children the more the younger one becomes a true only or first born. Switching Birth Order is also a common phenominum in unusual cases.

Kevin Leman's New Birth Order Book is my favorite book for discribing the "exceptions" and how they work in different families. I'd highly suggest any of his books, and they're pretty common in libraries.