[nancynic]

In all families there is sibling rivalry ... just like stress and taxes, it is unavoidable!

In some families there are large age differences between kids and sometimes younger siblings learn 'bad habits' from older kids.
Here are some ways to deal with children when there are large age differences:

Be careful not to become angry or blame older children ... which will cause resentment for the younger one. Set appropriate limits and use natural and logical consequences for behavior. Suggest positive ways that your younger child can emulate his/her older sibling.

Don't fuss over the younger child and disregard the feelings of the older children - this will cause intolerance for the younger child ... remember to be sympathetic to needs and perspectives of all children.

Teach older children about tolerance, understanding and patience with younger siblings ... young children admire and crave attention from older siblings and feel hurt and confused when they are rejected.

Protect the privacy and belongings of older children. Children who are respected by their parents are less likely to be intolerant of younger siblings.

What difficulties have you had with sibling rivalry? What ways have you found helpful to deal with it? Thank goodness school is in session again!

NancyNic

[Judilyn]

Is it common to have two particular siblings fight more than others. My middle and my youngest fight more than anyone else.
It was the same way in my family when I was younger. I was the youngest and my middle brother and i fought more than anyone.

My son 13 thinks that it is his buisness to make our youngest (8) tow the line. He can be so bossy to her and verbally mean. It breaks my heart sometimes and I think "no one treats you this way what makes you thnk that you can treat her this way"?

When she was younger I could get things back in order just by talking to him and having him take 5 to get his anger under control. We talk to him about how he is not the parent, etc. But now that she is older she fights back and then I have this whole bickering thing going on. I can't stand it!!!!!!!!

We have a varity of things that we do, the usual time out, removing privilges, but what I find most helpful is to say "it seems to me that you 2 need more practice on how to be nice and get along so until I see an improvment in your manners/ communication and social skills you will not leave this house"!

This usally brings some peace for a while but not long enough.
I am interested in hearing what others do at their home.



Judilyn

[nancynic]

Hi Judilyn,

I wonder if your middle child is looking for attention ... and getting it by being bossy and fighting. It's always a good idea to give lots of attention for positive behavior and to ignore the negative whenever possible. It's tough being the middle child, they often feel lost ... after all they aren't the responsible oldest or the cute youngest.

Encouraging kids to work on their relationships is a great idea ... especially giving them tools and communication techniques to help them with it.

Nancy