[makarios79]

I know many people are anti-spanking, and I always see "anti-spankers" post many reasons why you shouldn't spank, but I am curious to know what form of discipline "anti-spankers" use and why do you feel this is an effective form of discipline for your child (ren)? Please give examples

Also, are your kids bio, adopted or foster? If adoption, what kind of adoption - Domestic, International, Relative or Foster Care and what ages were they at time of placement and how old are they now and did they have a history of physical abuse?

I am asking out of pure curiosity....I do believe everyone has the right to discipline his/her child as he/she seems fit (as long as they are not abusing the child or the kids are not foster kids because most states' law prohibits spanking fk)....and I am not against spanking, although I do not believe it is always the effective form of punishment...I think the most effective form of discipline differs by child....

So what works for you????

[HappyTwinsMom]

Time outs and removing privileges. Our twins are almost 6 years old. We've just recently started having them do sit-ups instead of a time-out. Keeps 'em busy, doesn't hurt 'em and keeps 'em from whining because they're putting too much effort into the exercise.

[mrsred]

Love & Logic works really well. also the 1,2,3 Magic system. You use consequences rather than punishment.

[ValerieP]

I would suggest reading a book called The Incredible Years by Carolyn Webster-Stratton. It helped me to be a better parent... (Praise, rewards for good behavior, time outs, etc.) I have a adaughter and a bio daughter.

[Waiting4Skip]

We're a spank free home as we feel it teaches kids that you can solve problems by hitting. I know there are arguements on both sides, this is just OUR personal choice for OUR family. Case in point, last weekend, a woman at our marina, known for her out of constant screaming, and somewhat wild kids, was yelling at her boys, 5 & 6 for the better of a hour to "get along". Then a screeching "No, Nathan, you don't punch your brother EVER! If you punch him one more time I'm gonna whack you behind, do you understand?"

To which the kid replied,, "NO"

Mother asks "What do you mean, no?

Kid says "I don't understand why you're gonna hit me if its not okay to hit. THAT'S NOT FAIR"

Was the kid being a smarty pants, or legitimately trying to figure out what justifies her hitting him, to teach him its not okay to hit? Doesn't matter in our minds, because long term, he is getting the message that it is okay to hit...

Anyway, we do time-out (age x minutes) Our 4 y.o gets 4 minutes for example). When the time out is over we talk about why he was in time out, what he coulda/shoulda done, and when appropriate, apologies. When he was younger we would initiate the discussion, now we have him begin. For example, just ten minutes ago, ds was sent to his timeout chair for repeatedly telling me "NO" when asked to brush his teeth for bed. After the 4 minutes (I use a kitchen timer so that when it goes off, he knows it's time to come out) he came over to me and said:

"I was in timeout because I was talking fresh to mommy"

Me: That's right, is talking back to Mommy acceptable in our house

Skip: No Ma'am (Yes, I taught all my kids Yes/No Ma'am Sir when he is engaged in conversation, as a form of courtesty)

Me: So then I guess that wasn't good behavior

Skip: No Ma'am

Me: So what do you think you're gonna do next time I ask you to brush your teeth?

Skip: I'm gonna brush them and not talk fresh and Mommy will be happy

Me: That's right, because Mommy is sad when you're fresh.

Skip: You need a big hug?

Me: I sure do:

Skip: (as he's giving me a really big hug) I'm sorry mommy

Me: Thank you for being a big boy and apologizing, and thanks for the super-duper hug...Now can you please go brush?

Skip: Okay mommy!

Other discipline methods include taking t.v. & bicycle away, as well as his r/c airplance priviliges.

Having raisd kids already I have learned that once you tell a child there will be consequences for an action, you MUST follow through! If you tell 'em you'll take the bike away for week you HAVE to take it away for a week. Kids pick up quick on wishy-washy parenting.

[mythreekids]

I have 3 adopted children - ages 10, 11 and 13. Each child requires a different kind of consequence to be effective. Your really have to understand each child's hot buttons, and be creative when coming up with consequences.
For example, my 10yr boy gets early bed times and time outs away from the rest of the family. He likes to be around people, so if he isn't behaving he doesn't get to stick around. Time out is done in a room by himself. That is very effective for him, as is an early bed time.
The middle child is a girl, and she is very lazy. For her, we require exercise for punishment. She was putting up a fuss one day over doing her homework, so my husband sent her outside to run a lap around the block - with no walking allowed. She came back gasping for breath, unhappy about that kind of consequence, and hasn't had an issue since when it comes to doing her homework.
The oldest one doesn't require much re-direction, but removal of phone and friend priviledges works best on her.
We never give chores as punishment. Chores are a cooperative effort in our house, and everyone chips in to get them done. We don't want to tie negative situations to chores, or we will never get the help when we ask for it.
Another option that works is having to pay money to parents. Our kids get a small allowance, and earn money by watering plants and picking up mail while neighbors are on vacation. for a consequence, we might fine them $0.50 or $1.00, which is immediately payable from the cash stash. I have also heard people use a cuss bucket - kids have to give a dime or quarter every time they use a cuss word. (proceeds go to mom, of course!)
We also pay for grades on each report card -couple bucks for an A, dollar for a B, nothing for a C, kids pay us $5 for a D and we tell them "you don't want to know what you will owe us if you bring home an F!" This seems to work well.
One last thought - a friend once told me that her 5 kids never tell her they are bored. The standard response to that statement in her house is to provide a toothbrush, bucket of soapy water, and direction to clean the the kitched floor. I haven't tried that one, but it seems to do the trick for her!