[dadfor2]

ok...no one took me up on the offer of another thread, but id figured id start it myself...

its more of a pol question. here goes:

if your 6 yr child curses all the time, and he is doing it just for a reaction. IM not talkng about "pee pee head, or poo poo head", im talking about *#@^ words

you have tried, time outs, talking to them, bringing them in the bathroom to use those words, ignoring them, but it constantly continues,because those forms of discipline doesnt seem to be doing the trick. It just keeps getting worse and worse...

and your child continues to use them and looks at you for a reaction. And you know he knows its wrong, but choices to do it anway.

then you get a call from the pre-school who want a teacher/parent meeting to discuss throwing your child out of school because his language is so bad, and they have also tried everything.

so then you have resorted all your efforts and decide to give him a drop of tobasco sauce on his tounge to stop....recomended by your pedi.

the child hates it and then never curses again...

is this considered child abuse?

i dont want to know about what your state says, or what your parents did...i really want to know how you feel about it.

and for my friends and support system out here...please be honest....its ok if you do..i will not be defensive.

im not looking for long drawn reasons...that could cause a major debate.....i think a yes or no might be easier...

even if you would never do this to your child, do you think its considered child abuse and can have a long emotional impact on the child.

if everyone feels it really is abusive....then i will have to think about this further.

to date: he has not said a cuss word for two weeks now. there has been no change in him at all with regards to his behaviors, except the cussing stopped. He still uses the poo poo head and pee pee head...and we still go in the bathroom for that...

but if he starts it up again, (which he might) i will reconsider using the tobasco sauce and have us deal with the natural consequence of him being thrown out of school....the last thing i want to do is abuse my child..

so be honest...yes or no...

dadfor2

[BrandyHagz]

This topic has already been locked once, for some personal attacks. Please remember number one of the Terms Of Service so the conversation can continue, with a fresh start:

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[echaos]

Hey Dad, I do not think that it is abuse, but I'm not sure that I would use this method. My main reason for not using it, is that my parents tried this and other tastes on my to get me to stop bitting my nails, and it didn't work.

[Ebbie100]

I do not think this would be considered child abuse. Worked for old-time pedi for years and some of his tricks were the best that I had ever heard. One of them that was used on my niece recently for trying to write bad words a kid was saying in kindergarten. She had to call everyone that was very important to her and tell them that she had gotten into trouble at school for trying to write bad words. She promised to each person that she would never say or write these words again because she did not like having to tell her family much less have other kids at school know she got in trouble by not playing in recess and having to sit in the principal's office. This was something she came with upon her own. Some may get defensive about this, but she wants everyone to think that she is perfect and does not get in trouble even though she is only 6 so this hurt her to have to call each one of us. She also received other forms of punishment such as no playing on the computer, no playing outside with her friends, and could only go to the ball park for practice or a game, but not to watch anyone else play. It has worked so far. I believe there are methods of teaching children certain things. She was also asked what she should receive as punishment because this was discussed on another occasion about saying bad words a few weeks before this and she was the one to come up with the no playing with friends, ballpark and no computer.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Abuse: My mother made me eat a raw onion because I gagged on something she put onions in. When I threw it up she shoved my face in it and made me sit in my room covered in it.

Not Abuse: When my daughter used to act up in restaurants I would have them bring lemons to the table. She would have to behave or suck on one. Ended up backfiring later when she started liking them, but sure did work for a while and was much better than yelling at her in front of everyone at the restaurant. But goes to show....using food MAY not even ruin that salad after all!!

Abuse: Using a food that would make your child physically ill just to get the reaction and prove your point. (gagging them, something that you know causes their digestive system problems...etc)

Not abuse: What you described!!! Benign hot sauce on a childs tongue as a last resort.

[feelinglost]

not abuse......not abuse....sometimes as parents we have to do things we don't like......try it see if it works....then go from there...wishing you the best of luck...this is not an easy one.

[stacyone]

What's more, if you tried it and it's worked for two weeks and he has a slip, I'd say do it again -- two weeks IS a success, in my book.

[Opus]

Definately, not in this circumstance. And that's all I'm saying, lol.

[spaypets]

Primarily because it related to the misdeed--he was using his mouth inappropriately and that's what got punished. And it's better than washing his mouth out with soap, which is not a food.

Natural consequenses are all well and good, but it may be that your son didn't care if he was tossed from daycare -- that consequence might have been worse for _you_ than for him.

[reneetaylor]

I don't think that it would be considered abusive. If it worked to stop the behavior and did not do bodily or mental harm, then I don't see why it wouldn't be ok. So it tasted bad.....it also stopped your son from offending others with his bad language. The pros outweighted the cons in this case, so don't feel guilty.

I have had to take the soap to my daughter's mouth (twice) for back talking and being disrespectful. Guess what? She doesn't do it anymore. In my opinion, it is a lot better than what a lot of parents do to thier children. As a parent, I do what works best with my child, and anything physical is a last resort.

Renee

[Lorraine123]

Not abuse. I agree that in this case natural consequences (being removed from school) would have had no positive effect.

[patrisha]

Not abuse in my book either.

I had to put socks on my daughters hands at night to keep her from sucking her thumb. (This was her Dentists suggestion) Another mother told me she thought that was cruel.

At least now I know why my hubby puts tabesco on everything LOL!

Trish

[PinkRibbon]

Abusive although might not meet the legally definition for having a child removed. I want to clarify that just because I consider that consequence to be abusive, I do not think you are a child abuser. I think that you are a good father to your sons even though I don't agree with this form of punishment. I do not think you have abused your children. Your son has learned that he can get negative attention by using the f word (I assume). I believe in ignoring that type behavior.

[HappyMomAnna]

I do not think this is abuse at all---BUT something struck me with the words you used--Looking for a reaction. I have seen that tactic in many kids---and not just our special ones---and wonder---What would happen if there was no reaction other then a statments that in our home we do not use those words...then walk away?

But again--I myself have used tactics that are on the line--or gray or whatever someone else might call them--If it Works go with it!

[mjoseph]

I do not believe you are a child abuser and know you are a good father and have read many of your posts. I do not agree with this type of discipline or punishment I should say and do find that punishment unnecessary and cruel.

This is from http://familyeducation.com/experts/a...7066%2C00.html

It is an expert column by Carleton Kendrick Ed.M., LCSW

You may find this informational:

Family Therapy
Question and Answer by Carleton Kendrick Ed.M., LCSW

Please Read Our General and Medical Disclaimers

Q. My friend washes her six-year-old son's mouth out with soap when he curses. Sometimes she makes him swallow a teaspoon of Tabasco sauce. He seems unfazed and doesn't change his behavior. Shouldn't this kind of discipline be left in the Stone Age?

A. Your friend's response to her son's behavior isn't discipline; it's cruelty. Her son is learning to be a stoic by taking his mom's abusive response to his misbehavior without showing any weakness. Of course, the Tabasco sauce burns his mouth and esophagus; it's a dangerous practice and any doctor would agree that it's physically harmful to do this to a child.

Your friend is humiliating her son and in so doing she is breeding anger, resentment, and revenge in him. He's made up his mind that she will not "break" him with these punishments and she may in fact be fueling more of his bad behavior, as this becomes his way of getting back at her. Unless she tries to substitute building a relationship with her son, this power struggle will continue and become worse. If there were any way that you or another adult could help her to attend some parenting courses, you would be doing a great service for their relationship and his well-being.

Sincerely,
Carleton Kendrick