[FivetimeMom]

Has anyone experienced a pullback from their children after the death of one of their aparents? Any advice for how to deal with this would be most helpful. My year-long reunion with my daughter has been very good until she lost her father. She's told me she still wants to hear from me via our almost daily emails and texts, and she wants everything to remain the same, yet I hear nothing in return. Thanks so much.
FivetimeMom

[MeghanM]

Give her time. She's probably depressed right now. I lost my amom when I was 16 and I wasn't myself for a long time. Keep sending her emails, etc. I'm sure she appreciates it. She may be too sad to reciprocate right now, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care. Remember that everyone deals with loss differently. Hopefully this is her way and she'll bounce back when she's had enough time to grieve. Good luck to you both.

[lglysson]

Please keep sending her text, email etc. When you have such a huge loss you need so much love but have little to give back while you go through the loss.
Blessings

[FivetimeMom]

Thanks Meghan. It helps to hear from other children who have lost their aparent.

[FivetimeMom]

Thanks Meghan. It helps to hear from other children who have lost their aparent.

[dpen6]

I lost my amom when I was older...38..and it was horrible. The thing I remember is feeling like my bmom really didn't understand the depth of my sorrow. I had just lost my mother and the comment she gave me was..
"I am sorry, you should have told me I would have sent flowers".she then changed the subject I felt she realy didn't care and really didn't understand the importance of THAT mom in my life. I had some resentment. We had been in reunion about 10 years at that point. but she loved in another state and we didn't commiunicate often. There were no e-mails at that time. She didn't do anything on purpose to hurt me but I don't think she knew how to navigate it it either.

Im sure you have already told her how hard it must be to lose a dad and how sorry you are...It also may be bringing up some conflicting feelings regarding her adoption.....

[FivetimeMom]

Thanks so much for your feedback. It does help me. I know my daughter was especially close to her dad. I know the pain she is going through and how very hard it is to lose a parent. I lost my mother at 50, and it was one of the most difficult experiences of my life. Something I don't think you ever get over. I have encouraged her to stay close to her mom and brother; I told her that it would make it easier for her to be close to them right now--reminicsing, crying, laughing, just being together. I know all this because I have experienced it as well. Like your bmom, it's difficult to know my 'place' in all of this. My feelings as her mother are there, just as they are for my other children; however, I'm well aware that I do not have a connection to my daughter in this sense, and that is hard to take. I've continued to send emails, a few texts, but have received nothing in return.
I wondered if her father's death would perhaps bring about some ambivilent feelings. I guess it would be easier for me if I received even one tiny text that said, 'thinking of you'; 'thanks'; or 'love you too', only I've not received anything.
Even so, I will continue to send them and encourage her and love her and let her know I am still here and always will be.
Thanks for letting me air my feelings.
Hugs,
FiveTimeMom

[FivetimeMom]

I have continued to send emails and texts here and there. I've had to bury an awful lot of my own selfish feelings in order to do that. Hard. Very hard. But, I don't want me to add even more stress to her already heavy heart. I keep encouraging her that with time her pain will ease and I am here when she can talk. I sure do miss her. I realize as someone else said that feelings surrounding her adoption may surface, so I try to keep that in mind. I haven't broached that with her in my emails. I just hope to hear from her soon--to know she is okay. I know I'll be so much better when I talk to her again. Thanks for listening.
Blessings to you.