[keds]

OK, so I'm feeling "down" at the moment and, after reading some of the other posts tonight, was wondering how many of us (on all sides of the triad) are simply "fed up" with the wanting, wishing and not knowing aspect of reunion. I know, I should have low expectations, so I won't be disappointed, but why? It's like high school all over again. Don't let your true feelings be known, you'll "scare" them away, or get hurt. Bullocks, sorry. I'm old now, and tired, if only those of us who truly want reunion could be "matched" somehow, it might make it easier. Nobody ever said this was going to be easy! UGH!

[mariarippy]

For me (adult adoptee with 4 children: My BIRTHDAY IS APRIL 23rd) the wanting, wishing, and waiting doesn't ever stop even after reunion. I care and want to be cared about. Fed up with negative...yes...and trying to keep positive for positives to exceed my expectations about life.

[kune]

keds
((Hugs)) I hope it gets better and you find that comfortable place before too long.

Ann

[keds]

Thanks Ann - just in a valley at the moment - part of the normal cycle but feeling a little nauseous from all the ups and downs.

Maria - Happy Birthday! I hope you have a great day.


I too try and stay positive but every now and again get to feeling blue. I try and keep my expectations to a minimum - makes it easier and less disappointing that way but, at the same time, have hope that time will allow us to get to a place where I feel comfortable just picking up the phone to say "hi" without intruding. I'm still in early days - just 2 years from the first contact so, patience is something I have to work at everyday.

[JustPeachy]

Yes, I couldn't agree more. I think reunion is often like a bad dating scenario. You put yourself out there and make yourself so vulnerable, and then you are waiting and wondering....will he email? Will I get a letter??? Will he call???? Should I call?????? If I say this or that, will I scare him away???? Jeez, can't there be an easier way with this??? And I'm only in the very beginning stages of something that I'm not even sure is "reunion." I know I need to be patient, and let my son do things when he is ready. But it is hard. And I do sometimes feel I don't have the patience for the aspects of reunion that feel like "game playing" on both of our parts.

[kathy79]

I second that Justpeachy!! How do we stop the game playing and put the real issues out on the table if both parties are afraid that the other one will bail because of something said or done? I don't have another 28 years to wait to get to know my bson. At this rate I will be insane by then!! Why can't someone write a rule book for this game!!!

[MKHope]

I'm feeling quite "down" myself. My 40th B-day is tomorrow & the 3rd agency I've hired just told me they have not had any luck w/my search & now want an additional $400 to petition the court!?!?!??!? I'm so depressed & frustrated right now!!!!!!!!!

[Mockingbird]

mariarippy, Happy Birthday!

[SuddenlySusan]

((( Keds ))) Hang in there. I know you're frustrated and down at the moment, but like life in general, our reunions will continue to morph with time.

((( Maria ))) Happy Birthday!

Peace,
Susan

[Mockingbird]

MKHope, Happy Birthday and good luck. My son's birthday is coming up. We won't be together--but I will be talking to him. This is the first time I will be able to say happy birthday to him.


Oh, to meet you once again! To pick up the thread that I left dangling so long ago, to weave it into my life, to finally emerge whole. Oh, the peace and wonder of it.(by Lee Campbell)

[Mockingbird]

keds, I think it's harder because even though these are our family members, they are still strangers--we don't have that history with them that would make us comfortable with saying what we think.

I feel like we are (conversationally) tossing our hearts onto the the floor between us and hoping that the other person will pick them up tenderly and not stomp on them!

Hang in there--the rollercoaster has not only the dips and valleys, but also the hills and high points.

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." THE PROPHET

[Jackiejdajda]

Mockingbird

Oh, to meet you once again! To pick up the thread that I left dangling so long ago, to weave it into my life, to finally emerge whole. Oh, the peace and wonder of it.
(by Lee Campbell)

Beautiful..

Jackie

[MKHope]

Mockingbird--I long to hear my B-mom say "Happy Birthday" to me. Do you think after 40 yrs she will take time out to think of me today?? I wish the best for you & your son. I'm sure hearing those words for the first time from you will be a wonderful present to him.

[Mockingbird]

MKHope,
My son will be 38. So yes, I think she will be thinking of you and wondering if you are healthy and happy, just as I was doing last year.

[Oceans]

wondering how many of us (on all sides of the triad) are simply "fed up" with the wanting, wishing and not knowing aspect of reunion.

Am right there with you! I'm probably at dangerous junction being that today I kinda feel like... "You (my son) either want this or you don't - Either way, read your email let me know so I can go on with my life!!!"

Notice all the *I, me and my's* in that thought? They didn't escape me either.

Probably not good but it's just how I'm feeling today...