[canadian_anne]

I wonder if anyone has encountered this experience. My BDaughter's children are now seeking out my other children. I am an emotional wreck right now - a double whammy of guilt, yet realize that is so NOT productive. I met my BDaughter for the first time when she was 26 in 1992. Initially it was all so positive. I was disappointed that her past was so troubled, but at this time she had 4 lovely chilldren and I fell into the role of grandma quickly and easily - having the little ones for weekends etc. while my Bdaughter got aquainted with her 1/2 sister and brothers. Then it all came to a hault. I saw it that she was using these lovely kids as a weapon to hurt me. She stopped all contact for 10 years. I had no choice but to deal with this and was very hesitant to let her back. I felt too fragile emotionally and those kids were now strangers to me again. Her children repeated the pattern - drug abuse, early teen pregnancies and it broke my heart. I answered her letters but didn't initiate any visits. That was all about 5 years ago. Now her children are seeking out my other children and we just don't know where to go with this. No one ever prepared us Bmom's for the future generations that would seek us out. My other daughter doesn't want to accept my B daughters family into her life, and I have made no comment on her decision other than to ask her to please don't hurt any of them. They had nothing to do with any of this. A huge part of me wants to reach out again to my bdaughter and her kids, but then this big "warning" and "beware" sign goes up. My boys don't really care one way or the other. I am so sad that Mother's Day is upon us as I know my 3 children will make a huge fuss over me - yet my tears fall for the daughter who is not part of my life. And I'm haunted over and over again by the reality of believing what right do I have to enjoy Mother's day, when I gave up a beautiful child in the 60's. I want to stop this from spiralling out of control but just don't know how. I realize that by being so sad it's another burden on a husband who adores me and the rest of the family. Hopefully this too shall pass. Or perhaps will be shoved down deep inside again, as it has been for the past 41 years. I sure could use a hugh group hug from all birth mothers who continue to be tormented by a decision society forced upon us back then. Anyone else dealing with second generations? If so how are you dealing with it?

[lonni]

How about an adoptee (((((HUG))))

[canadian_anne]

Ahh thank you Lonni - that really made me smile.

[amyshaw]

Originally Posted by canadian_anne

And I'm haunted over and over again by the reality of believing what right do I have to enjoy Mother's day, when I gave up a beautiful child in the 60's.

You ARE a mother, and you have EVERY right to enjoy Mother's Day!!

Here's some big (((HUGS))) to help you through!

[Patty-cake]

My situation is not so complicated but when my daughter vertually stopped contact along with missing her I now miss being a grannie to her children- something that I soooo wanted. I have no other grandchildren. It's a double wammy.

My daughter was born in1971 and like you I was a victom of the times. The punishment was too great for our "crime" then and yet we are paying all over again.

I'm sending a ((hug)).