[Anetscat66]

My son will be 22 this year and I am scared to death about starting my search for him!

I read others posts, concerns and outcomes, some that turned out wonderful and others that did not turn out as good and I am just beside myself.

I know each circumstance is different but my biggest fear is him not being ready to reconnect with me!

Any suggestions and or comments, what to consider and what not too, ANYTHING would be most appreciated!

Thanks

[kakuehl]

Unfortunately there's no way to know ahead of time if your son will be ready. First, you have no clue how long it will take to find him. I tried leaving a letter for my son so that he could find me if he wanted to. The agency that handled his adoption had closed and he had no clue I had written one. I think my attitude for many years was that I would be available when he found me but that I shouldn't seek him out. I think he felt that if I cared, I would find him. (HMMM.) Over the years I would try to look, but I really had no clue how to do it. When I finally found him last year, it was because he had checked out adoption.com about 5 years previously and left info (now out of date, but enough so that I found him - actually his adad - easily). For us it turned out to be a good time. He has said that had I found him earlier, our reunion would not have gone as well.

I think all you can do is look for him. If you find him, contact him and then let him lead. You will at least know where he is. I know that waiting on him is difficult, but it seems to me that the reunions that are most successful go well because they move at the speed that the 2 people are comfortable with. (That may mean moving more slowly than you would want. The "p" word, patience, is definitely the key IMHO!)